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need some encouragment please

Posted by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:53 AM
  • 14 Replies

 im a single mom. Me and my ex split up in December we are on good terms most of the time. our daughter is 16 months. Well Im also pregnant with his baby and he has been acting like a jerk. He hasnt asked me once how im feeling. Doesnt even as when my dr. appointments I thought I give him some space but its killing me. the other day said he wants a paternity test which shocked me but I agreed to do it once the baby is here. he says he just wants to be sure . ugh I feel like trash. I have no support my friends are always so busy. I live with my parents but we have never really been close. please any words that may help me get through this is what I could really use right now.

CafeMom TickersCafeMom Tickers
by on May. 17, 2013 at 11:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on May. 17, 2013 at 2:03 PM
1 mom liked this

So sorry you are stuck in this situation. Sounds like your ex is a real weiner. That's fine that he wants a paternity test, the courts will require it anyways when you go for child support. Which you should already go for on your oldest. Go to the courthouse now and file for your 16 month old, by the time the workers get around to your case your little one will probably be here and it will be quicker than if you wait. Also, if you file now, by the time that child support is enforced, it will be a nice arrears amount that will help you get on your feet.

Robsessed98
by on May. 17, 2013 at 5:52 PM
Don't let his attitude mess with you. Keep him up to date on the kids, but don't talk to him otherwise. Focus on your children, keep yourself busy and don't let yourself get overwhelmed. Check into local single mom or parents groups and come here to vent or whatever you want. You will make it through this and rebuild a new normal.
AhDrah
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 9:55 PM

Hang in there.. things will get better.  I thought being divorced with 2 kids at 25 was the worst thing ever, but time really does help things.  I am 26 now and I see that I still have a full life ahead of me to make into what I want it to be.  Just focus on your babies and think of the future and make it as amazing as you want it to be!

MommieJ
by on May. 17, 2013 at 10:08 PM
2 moms liked this

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I can relate to your situation very well. I am currently 37 weeks, about to give birth anytime now. The dad is not in the picture, I have not seen him once since we found out the news and have heard from him 3 times via email in 8 1/2 months now. I am doing a paternity test only because in the state of AZ if you are not married one is required for child support.

I struggled really badly in the beginning knowing what happened to me and completely understand what you mean when you say you feel like "trash". That thought visits me frequently. I've come to realize that his actions reflect on him though and not me. What he did says nothing about me or who I am, only about how careless and unattatched he is as he goes through life. The same in your situation!! Please know that you are not alone, you are a strong woman who will make it through this. One day at a time! And if you ever need to talk or want to stay in touch just to chat please message me. We can help each other through this. 

hugs

Shaybay218
by on May. 17, 2013 at 10:25 PM

Hugs to you moma...Keep your head up!

soulofsunmama
by on May. 17, 2013 at 10:32 PM
1 mom liked this
"You will make it through this and rebuild a new normal."

-I really like this, its extremely strong and encouraging, and would like to use this in my everyday world if that's alright?


Quoting Robsessed98:

Don't let his attitude mess with you. Keep him up to date on the kids, but don't talk to him otherwise. Focus on your children, keep yourself busy and don't let yourself get overwhelmed. Check into local single mom or parents groups and come here to vent or whatever you want. You will make it through this and rebuild a new normal.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Robsessed98
by on May. 18, 2013 at 12:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Absolutely :)

Quoting soulofsunmama:

"You will make it through this and rebuild a new normal."



-I really like this, its extremely strong and encouraging, and would like to use this in my everyday world if that's alright?




Quoting Robsessed98:

Don't let his attitude mess with you. Keep him up to date on the kids, but don't talk to him otherwise. Focus on your children, keep yourself busy and don't let yourself get overwhelmed. Check into local single mom or parents groups and come here to vent or whatever you want. You will make it through this and rebuild a new normal.
LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 18, 2013 at 10:35 AM
"You will make it through this and rebuild a new normal."

I really like this!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
gizmom529
by Member on May. 18, 2013 at 3:45 PM
You are strong youre already raising one and you will be great woth the next one dont let him bring you down take care of uour babies and just take him for child support
Lorelei62
by on May. 18, 2013 at 5:05 PM

You're going to be fine. It might not feel that way now but you will be. I wouldn't push him into being more than what he is capable of being. My daugther's bio father left years ago and my own father left when I was 3 years old so I was able to help her get through it all. Some people are born broken and no matter how hard that they try to do well for other people, they are unable to. Because of their weaknesses they feel guilty which isn't comfortable for people who are unable to take responsibility for their own actions. So, they take it out on others. In your case, he is looking for a exit. Let him go if he wants. You and your children are better off without him if he is not making a valid effort to be in your lives.

I know you feel so alone. You are not. You will move forward, you will find new friends, you find your way out of all this that is tearing you apart. It's hard to be out alone with very few people with whom you can confide in. Don't let that loneliness bring unworthy people in your life. I've been there and it's so easy.

You are not trash. He is not worthy of you. You and your children deserve better. Move on with your life. Make your lists of what you can do now and what you want to do for yourself and your children. Look at what you can control now. You are going to do well. I promise.

Do not beat yourself up. I know you're in pain. I know sometimes you feel trapped. Look around you for your blessings. Things are going to get better. Have you been on Meetup.com? Great groups for moms are on there and most of those moms have kids that are younger than 5 years old. Get networking girl!!

Big hugs for you and your babies!

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