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Controlling my MEAN thoughts???

Posted by on May. 22, 2013 at 12:07 AM
  • 17 Replies

I am wondering how do you always control not saying anything true but mean about the deadbeat irresponsible fathers? Who wont pay, never calls ,Christmas/Bday presents ....yeah right I mean no effort at all. I do not do this but some days it's beyond hard. I want to scream and cry. I like many other single mothers and mothers in general am on maximum level in the stress department. I try so hard to move on fake smile and pretend nothing matters but on the inside I'm always crying. I have a 2 yr old who constantly asks about his dad. I have yet to come up with a answer I just hug him and go buy him a special treat which I sometimes can't even afford. I am so afraid one day they my 3 kids will catch me weak and I will lose control and tell them what a POS he is. I don't want that to happen they are innocent I'm just so hurt and angry .I'm angry he is being this way and I'm angry I am so dumb I fell for (in my sarcastic voice) a "nice" man like him lol. It's amazing how you can be with someone for years and they just completely transform into a stranger overnite on you.

by on May. 22, 2013 at 12:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
heretolisten
by Bronze Member on May. 22, 2013 at 1:12 AM

How often did your 2 YO see his father?  Are the older children prompting him to "remember" the guy?  How long has he been absent?   

Truth is not mean unless it's flowered with adjectives. 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 22, 2013 at 9:51 AM
2 moms liked this
My son is 3 and doesn't ask your 2 year old is smart he gets a treat and lots of love when he asks about his dad. I bet if you stopped that he would slowly stop.
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MIMIBRIE
by Jayme on May. 22, 2013 at 10:30 AM
2 moms liked this

 They always win if you continue to think of them. Being mad or angry with them wont change how they parent. I dont think buying treats is going to help him deal with it or you for that matter. At 2 I would just give a simple I dont know answer. Just dont ever make excuses for him. Once he gets older he will start to realize whats going on.

LauraMH
by Bronze Member on May. 22, 2013 at 10:45 AM
8 moms liked this

I saw this in FB this morning and when I read your post, I thought it was fitting.

 

"A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half... empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!"

 

If you continue to let him get to you it will only increase the stress. Don't let him have that kind of control over your life. Don't make excuses for him, just tell your son that you don't know why his father does the things he does but you love him very much.

starry_mom
by on May. 22, 2013 at 11:33 AM
My kids don't have dads, the one thing I have to do is be aware when I say the dudes name, so there's douche #1 urine, and douche #2 poo lol... They don't have anything to do with their lives, so they aren't spoken of often
deltathree
by Gold Member on May. 22, 2013 at 11:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Awesome advice - so well said!   


Quoting LauraMH:

I saw this in FB this morning and when I read your post, I thought it was fitting.

 

"A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half... empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!"

 

If you continue to let him get to you it will only increase the stress. Don't let him have that kind of control over your life. Don't make excuses for him, just tell your son that you don't know why his father does the things he does but you love him very much.


 

myamommy
by on May. 22, 2013 at 1:12 PM


Thank you SO much really this makes a lot of sense to me this is so true. I needed to hear this I never thought about it like this. I just spent day after day beating myself up crying being so upset about this. You made my day feel alot lighter thanks.       Quoting LauraMH:


I saw this in FB this morning and when I read your post, I thought it was fitting.


"A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half... empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!"

 

If you continue to let him get to you it will only increase the stress. Don't let him have that kind of control over your life. Don't make excuses for him, just tell your son that you don't know why his father does the things he does but you love him very much.



LauraMH
by Bronze Member on May. 22, 2013 at 2:24 PM

Oh honey! I definitely don't deserve the thanks, I just shared the words that spoke to me. I am so happy that it made you feel better! I know how hard things can be but you will get through this challenge. Life is full of hardships, is what we make of them that makes the difference!


Quoting myamommy:

 

Thank you SO much really this makes a lot of sense to me this is so true. I needed to hear this I never thought about it like this. I just spent day after day beating myself up crying being so upset about this. You made my day feel alot lighter thanks.       Quoting LauraMH:


I saw this in FB this morning and when I read your post, I thought it was fitting.

 

"A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half... empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!"

 

If you continue to let him get to you it will only increase the stress. Don't let him have that kind of control over your life. Don't make excuses for him, just tell your son that you don't know why his father does the things he does but you love him very much.

 

 


 

steviechick
by Gold Member on May. 22, 2013 at 2:33 PM

My daughter isn't young anymore.  She has grown up a lot since my divorce.  She learned very quickly how disgusting and utterly low her father truly is.  I didn't need to cover-up anything for her when it came to her father.  I did in the past and I can't anymore.  She's almost 19 and can make up her mind about her father by knowing she lived with his many problems and learned just how mentally ill he is.  Sadly though it's not fair on her to see her father this way and know that he could have made a better life for himself instead of doing such horrible things to so many people.  I never talk about her father unless she wants to.  I will never lie about him either.  When a child is old enough to know the truth about an absent father it's best to tell them everything they need to know.  Most fathers simply prove how 'worthy' they are to their kids all on their own.  Sadly enough though this happens more often to kids.  What we moms can do is continue to show our kids love and help them build good character as they grow up.  It's hard accepting what some of our exes have done to themselves and their kids.  It's up to us to be positive and strong and to try and continue to be the saving grace for our children.

myamommy
by on May. 22, 2013 at 3:33 PM
1 mom liked this


Thank you I am going to work really hard on moving on getting over it. I wish deadbeat fathers had a beware sign engraved on their foreheads. I hear alot of people on here say why would you have kids by this type of man. I knew things were not perfect but never thought he would be like this. I am going to stress to my kids how important it is to be responsible for their actions. I hope your daughter accomplishes all of her dreams and he realizes even without his help she turned out awesome because you the 1 he betrayed was always their  for her. Good luck to you also. I have read some of your other post on here. I really hope 1 day this man grows up and apologizes to you and your daughter  even if you all choose not to accept it. Thanks again.

Quoting steviechick:

My daughter isn't young anymore.  She has grown up a lot since my divorce.  She learned very quickly how disgusting and utterly low her father truly is.  I didn't need to cover-up anything for her when it came to her father.  I did in the past and I can't anymore.  She's almost 19 and can make up her mind about her father by knowing she lived with his many problems and learned just how mentally ill he is.  Sadly though it's not fair on her to see her father this way and know that he could have made a better life for himself instead of doing such horrible things to so many people.  I never talk about her father unless she wants to.  I will never lie about him either.  When a child is old enough to know the truth about an absent father it's best to tell them everything they need to know.  Most fathers simply prove how 'worthy' they are to their kids all on their own.  Sadly enough though this happens more often to kids.  What we moms can do is continue to show our kids love and help them build good character as they grow up.  It's hard accepting what some of our exes have done to themselves and their kids.  It's up to us to be positive and strong and to try and continue to be the saving grace for our children.



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