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Single Moms Single Moms

I need some confidence!!!

Posted by on May. 23, 2013 at 1:25 AM
  • 8 Replies
I have been single since Jan. 2012. I have only just recently felt like interested in trying to date or flirt or even look at men. I was with my ex since I was 14 so I have like zero experience in adult dating/flirting/what not. He also treated me like shit so I have zero self confidence..ok it's probably not zero since I know I deserve better than him. I just don't know how to approach guys that I don't know. Like if I know them I can flirt like no tomorrow but if I don't know them I probably never will. I'd like to change that especially since this guy in my a&p class is super adorable. We sit at the same lab bench and had to work together so I at least got his name but I wasn't sure what to say and he seemed either shy or he wasn't interested..I just don't know what to say to him. I previously posted about a friend at a party and I sent him a message on facebook and never got a response..but our friend who through the party is supposed to have another party this weekend and I'm hoping the guy I was interested in will be there again.. I just feel so out of it and like so unconfident..I don't know what to do..
by on May. 23, 2013 at 1:25 AM
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Replies (1-8):
LauraMH
by on May. 23, 2013 at 10:41 AM

Personally I think you should work on you and building your confidence before jumping into a new relationship. I know having someone treat you well can do wonders for building confidence but if you are not secure in yourself that can only gone so far.

Try taking time to do things for yourself that you like, spend time with friends and family. Build yourself before you let someone else do it. Good luck sweetie.

Robsessed98
by on May. 24, 2013 at 11:38 AM
2 moms liked this
You need to build your self-esteem and confidence up before dating. If you don't feel good about yourself, you won't have what it takes to build a healthy relationship with a man. A man can't give you what you need to feel right about yourself. Get yourself back to good, then you will be able to approach and relate to men appropriately.
AhDrah
by Member on May. 24, 2013 at 7:04 PM

I'm in a similar situation... my self-esteem is like rock bottom.  I've decided to just take time off of guys to concentrate on myself and building myself back up.  Plus I figured that the right guy will find me when I'm not looking..lol.

lucasmadre
by on May. 25, 2013 at 8:34 AM
3 moms liked this

I know you are young and you want to have a man in your life and that is natural but let me give you some advice I WISH someone had given me a long time ago.

If you don't fix yourself first, before you get into a new relationship you will end up in the same kind of relationship all over again. This is gospel.

Start by thinking about what went wrong in your marriage, what was his fault and what was YOUR fault. People treat you the way you let them, you were too young to know any of this but now you are older and I would hate for you to end up in another relationship with a man who doesn't treat you well and you will unless you make the change.

Make a list of the kind of man you really want. I don't mean cute and funny. I mean honest and kind and thoughtful and devoted...those kind of things. Build him in your mind and then don't settle for anything less. 

Please don't do what I did at your age and bend over backwards to make any man happy. You deserve a good man. Stand proud and strong girl...you can do it!~  XO

LilShamrock
by Member on May. 25, 2013 at 10:08 AM
As all us "old farts" on here will tell you, focus on yourself and your kid(s). While you may feel the urge to date, date yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and find out who you are.

Have faith in yourself and love the things about YOU! That is one of the greatest lessons you can give a child so set that example for them!

Sham
lucasmadre
by on May. 25, 2013 at 10:37 AM

If you really want to just have some fun go ahead...that is a great thing to do at your age just try not to get serious right now. Keep thinking about you and your kid(s) as top priority. There is nothing wrong with a little fun dating....

LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 25, 2013 at 10:48 AM
Welcome self confidence is important work on yourself first
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
stacyemmy
by on May. 26, 2013 at 1:36 AM

I have been single for a year. My self esteem isn't low just my confidence. I am naturally shy and from the time I was 14 til last year I wasn't "allowed" to even have friends. So just my general speaking to people is hard and I'm super awkward..especially because a lot of people my age don't have kids and responsbilities like I do. I mean I know what I want from a person. I know that what went wrong in my last relationship was mostly his fault but I did some things too no one is perfect but overall I stayed when I shouldn't and he didn't deserve because I loved him and wanted to believe he'd change. The fact that I feel like I could try and date shows me I'm ready cuz up until recently I've been very anti-man, all men are the same, that sorta feeling. But now it's like I'm starting have friends and be around people and come out of my shell and I'm like hey this guy is actually nice or whatever. It's hard to explain..pretty much I've been told for YEARS that I'm not good enough and even though I know it's not true and that I'm good enough people do like me I'm just not sure how to approach someone I like that I don't know..

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