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Do you think children have the right to voice their opinion and make some decisions themselves

Posted by on May. 23, 2013 at 7:20 PM
  • 12 Replies

OK anyone who read my intro knows that my kids' dad abuse me in front of our kids and also was abusive to them. I left him a few months ago and I told him he can come see the kids whenever he want but he don't want to make his gf mad so he don't wanna come see his kids. I don't trust him alone with my kids because I know how abusive he is and I'm trying to protect them. Most of the people in his family is as crazy as him because they are all mad with me because I left him for a lot of reasons but being abusive to me and our kids are the main reason and his family don't see any wrong in the abuse because all of them is pretty much living that lifestyle and think I am crazy because I don't want that for me and my kids. Ok, my kids are 10 (twins) and the oldest is about to be 13. I feel like they are old enough to make the decision to be with him or not and I won't force them to be alone with him or his insane family. He think because I won't make him be alone with him then I'm keeping him out their life even though I told him he can come see them any time he want but don't want to because he don't want his gf to get mad with him or leave him (he is the type of person who rather be with anyone than be alone). My youngest son do not want anything to do with him at all. He feel the damage is done and he don't want no one like that around him. My oldest son, who was abuse the most and/or worse out of the kids suffer anxiety problems because of the abuse he done to him and he said he feel like since he is about to be a teenager, his dad can't force him to be with him because he ain't going with him nowhere and he have no respect for him. My daughter got the least abuse from him but she I think she wanted to see him but she wanted him to come see her because she didn't want to be with him alone because she seen the abuse and since the boys wasn't there for him to abuse, he will start abusing her like he did them or me. A few weeks ago I think she completely never want to see him again because he downgraded her and me because one of his sisters let her kids go to my twins birthday party and when my kids' father tried to talk to our daughter, she wouldn't talk to him and blame me and not only talked about me like I was nothing but our daughter too. So I wanted to know, do anyone think I am doing the right thing by not forcing my kids to be alone with him or do you all think they are too young to make that decision and should be force to be alone with him regardless of how violent he can get? I just want to do what is right for my kids but at the same time I don't want them abused or even worse.

by on May. 23, 2013 at 7:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on May. 23, 2013 at 7:25 PM
2 moms liked this

 A situation like this needs to be decided by a Judge. After many years of abuse the children will not have to be around their father and if so it should be supervised.

ChocolateAngel3
by on May. 23, 2013 at 7:46 PM

Thanks for your comment, virginiamama71. I feel like if he wanted to see them it should be supervised also but it's his way or no way in his eyes and because I won't let him be alone with them, he refuse to make contact with them. I told him if he feel that he got the right to be alone with them after all that abuse, we can go to court and let a judge decide. He don't want that because he is afraid of going to jail after my kids and I tell what went on, especially with my oldest son. He even got one of his family members to speak on our behalf if we went to court so any visitation would be supervised. Child services aren't doing anything because in their eyes, I got the kids out of that enviornment and we are all safe now. They didn't say that but it was inferred from the conversations I had with them. After talking to a laywer, if we went to court, he could spend some serious prison time for some of the stuff that he did and he ain't willing to risk that for the sake of being in his kids life alone and supervised visits is not an option for him. Because in his words and forgive me before I repeat what he said because he got issues but he said, "I ain't letting no white folks tell me whether or not I can spend time alone with my kids. If I can't be with them how I won't to be with them then I ain't got to be with themat all."

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on May. 23, 2013 at 11:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Here in GA, a judge can ask a child's opinion when the child is 11. The judge can use the child's input but the child doesn't have final say. That doesn't happen until the child is older.
ChocolateAngel3
by on May. 24, 2013 at 1:00 AM

Oh okay. Thanks for your response Andrewsmom70. I didn't realize it was 11 (I'm from GA). I thought it was a little older. My oldest will be 13 in a few weeks and my youngest will be 11 on their birthday. I doubt if he will even want to go that route because I have no problem with him seeing his kids as long as it is supervised by someone trust worthy. I have a problem with him hurting them or worse killing them because when he get angry, he do not care what he do as long as he hurt you. I got proof of some of the abuse. But he don't want supervised visits and his gf don't want him to come see his kids so he won't. I just hope one day he will wise up and get the help he need and try to right the wrong he did to his kids. He can't right the wrong he did to me because I want nothing to do with him but I do wish he cared enough about his kids to try to make some kind of effort for them. I won't hold my breathe if he don't but it would be nice if he one day he did get help and then make up everything to his kids.

singlemom7421
by on May. 24, 2013 at 7:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Check with the y they haveva program that the parent can visit you sighn the kids in five minutes before his timecand you pick them up five minutes after his time so you dont see him he can not leave with the kids if he doesnt show they call you to pick them up and they leave the judge know when he doesnt show .sometimes you can get this court order ii cs is involved.
singlemom7421
by on May. 24, 2013 at 7:14 AM
1 mom liked this
Ps sometimes the judge says h pays for it or youll have to pay half but you can ask the y how it works i think its the ywca
singlemom7421
by on May. 24, 2013 at 7:14 AM
Ps sometimes the judge says h pays for it or youll have to pay half but you can ask the y how it works i think its the ywca
Robsessed98
by on May. 24, 2013 at 11:27 AM
1 mom liked this
They are old enough to decide, bit if there's court ordered visitation they have no choice without you being in contempt. Go to court and let the judge decide. Most will take the kids opinions in consideration.
newlife2013
by on May. 25, 2013 at 12:51 AM
2 moms liked this
Abusive men don't take responsibility for what they do, they say the ex is always crazy because the truth exposes secrets and unless they seek therapy, they don't change- listen to your kids and let them express themselves and state their opinions so they can get their confidence back, empower themselves and you don't get blamed for what they are doing. it is their decision.
My kids do not see their abusive father, he has never shown an ounce of remorse and we have terrible memories . I've bit my tongue for years so I don't criticize him because there were some tricky years for a while, but the truth always prevails and it was all their decision from therapy. Stay strong
LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 26, 2013 at 10:08 AM
It has to be in writing most courts will have a child advocate they can talk to

Quoting Robsessed98:

They are old enough to decide, bit if there's court ordered visitation they have no choice without you being in contempt. Go to court and let the judge decide. Most will take the kids opinions in consideration.
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