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Frustrated

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 7:20 PM
  • 8 Replies
1 mom liked this
I am me. Sounds simple but it's not. I am 28 and have made more stupid decisions than most 75 year olds. I have 2 kids, both of which I could NOT live without. My son is 11, and my daughter is 4 months. I got preg when I was 16 by my first boyfriend (first everything) and we were together for about 5 years. We made the best of it, and have the greatest little man to show from our relationship. Although he and I could not live together as a married couple, we co-parent like champs and for that I am eternally grateful to him and his family. I love them all dearly in my own special way. Our son is happy, healthy and doesn't have to worry with the typical drama of divorced parents. I am the product of the crappy drama filled divorced household where my parents played me against one another, and still do. I would never want that for either one of my babies. A few years later I met who I thought was the proverbial Mr.Right. Head over heels in love and blind as a bat! He used me and made my life absolute hell...and I never seen it coming! He was addicted to pain pills before we met and made the foundation a lie from day 1. He had a beautiful daughter that he signed away all right to so he could afford more pills, and then he got into harder stuff. He stole ALL of my jewelry, and money, and even my child's savings. He became violent and the list goes on and on.... That hurt like nothing I had ever experienced. Even physically. Never will I hurt that way again! During all of that chaos, I was told I had cervical cancer and would have to undergo 3 surgeries, still unsuccessful. Finally my insurance company approved a full hysterectomy. Well, that was good news to me, kinda, until my son started talking about how badly he wanted a baby bro or sis. I met "W" and he is somewhat older, has no kids, treated my child and me wonderfully and desperately wanted a child of his own. After much deliberation and anxiety, and regret for not having another baby, I decided to go for it. W and I tried for a couple myths to get preg and were successful. When we were just talking about the idea, I just knew he would be a great father, and we would be great together, even though neither he nor I were interested in marriage. (Bash if you must, a piece of paper saying you are married does not make you a better parent) well, I came up with a creative way to tell him we were expecting, and I just knew he would be thrilled. Well he wasn't. And from there the story begins, and you will see why I am a member of the single moms group.
Throughout the duration of my WHOLE ENTIRE pregnancy, I had absolutely NO emotional support. I did not receive the first back run, foot rub, or the first comment that I looked nice. He did however comment every damn day about how big my ass was getting. He went to every doctors appt with me, and posted things on fb that would make anyone believe he was the perfect man. Well, when I got gestational diabetes that could not be controlled by diet or mess, I still got to watch him eat all my fav foods, and blow off my misery as if I were making it up. Now, being a mom, you all know how scary and emotional you can be when pregnant, and to have all of this stacked against you, it's horrible. My self confidence tanked as well as any hope I had for a future as a couple. I began to resent the pregnancy and even the baby at times. Well, they ended up inducing my labor at about 36 1-2 weeks. My beautiful baby girl arrived and the animosity I thought I would have towards her were long gone. I really thought once he held her, it would change him too. Well, no such luck. He is the ONLY "parent" I have ever met who actually gets 10 times MORE sleep once the baby is born. I hate him for that. He never helps me, and I realize now that I'm back to work, on opposite shifts than him, that it is so much easier to be here with the kids without him! We have fun, and I am not stressed. When he is here though, I am totally frazzled. I do love him, or the idea of what he pretended to be, but I have been feeling for a long time now, that I am just a total idiot and can only get a man that will use me and never treat me right. I don't want my son thinking its ok to treat his significant other that way and I damn sure don't want my daughter feeling as if she should expect that from a man. It may not sound like much, but the story is MUCH longer. If you care to hear details, ask. Otherwise, I just needed to blow off some steam and see if talking to someone would help.
by on May. 24, 2013 at 7:20 PM
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Replies (1-8):
momma_2013
by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:38 PM
1 mom liked this
get rid of him!! good luck momma
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MIMIBRIE
by on May. 24, 2013 at 11:55 PM
2 moms liked this

 You deserve better than that and so does your LO.. RIght now shes too little to understand things but you have the right mindset that your children will learn from what they see.. Sounds like you know you need to get rid of him.

 You are not an idiot. Some times it hard to see bad in something you want so badly. You will meet the right man for you and one that will set a great example to your children on what a true man is. 

Dont settle for less than you guys deserve. Good luck 

Andrewsmom70
by on May. 25, 2013 at 12:21 AM
2 moms liked this
Being with the wrong man, even for the right reasons, is still with the wrong man. You deserve to give yourself and your kids a happy, peaceful home.
marythemommy
by on May. 25, 2013 at 9:29 PM

OMG! I could tell that things had gone south but had no idea how bad! Since your LO is here now are you still going to go through with the surgery? If so who will be helping out with your LO? Hugs!!

JND911
by on May. 25, 2013 at 9:35 PM
Luckily no. At my 6 week check up, everything was perfect! I even requested him to test again and he told me he did. Apparently it isn't uncommon for pregnancy to effect your hormones so drastically that it can fix that issue for a while. Honestly, as hypocritical and awful as it sounds, I think God knew there is no way I could have had the surgery. I have no one to help wt Goose and definitely don't have the $!
LifeCafe42
by on May. 26, 2013 at 10:00 AM
Hugs welcome to the group!
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SM22
by on May. 27, 2013 at 5:09 PM

Sounds familiar.  I was with a man (E) who was separated from his wife for a few months and we moved in together and then I got (to my surprise) got pregnant...(I was told my chances of ever conceiving were slim to none)...I told him and he got VERY upset.  It was the LAST thing he wanted. He had no problem telling me that either.  He told me how much he loved his wife and wanted to win her back that I was just for fun.  I was devastated. I didnt know what to do, where to go.  This wasnt how I pictured my first pregnancy going.  After a night at work he came home and wanted to talk, so we did.  He made me feel as everything was going to be alright.  I foolishly believed him, until the next day he gave me a choice...keep the baby and go or abort and stay.  Shocked by his ultimatum, I packed up and left...only to return and eventually get kicked out by him when he moved to his new place.  I had a bad case of antepartum depression.  A month before I gave birth I had come to terms of being a single mother to my daughter.  Then one day my phone rings, I didnt immediately notice the number so I sent it to voice mail.  I listened to the vm and it was E's wife.  She had found out about me via his current gf who was also pregnant.  After all these months none of his family knew about me, so I agreed to meet everyone and his wife and I became close friends.  I then went into labor and delivered my beautiful little girl.  He wasnt there, once I brought her home he would see her and keep her to give me a break, but I quickly realized he was only doing it because his wife told him to.  In this time we ended up having a short fling in which I became pregnant again.  He again was devastated and ended up finally getting the vasectomy he has continually said he had.  This time I didnt care about what he said, how he felt, if he was going to be there or not.  I was independent and managing just fine.  He actually came over a lot more than usual, we never acknowledged that I was pregnant, we never talked about it, discussed names or anything.  I was adamant about being happy and enjoying this pregnancy and I did.  Sadly, he only stayed around until my son was a month and waited until this past Christmas to come visit with his oldest daughter and the son that is between my two.  17 months went by without a word or visit from him.  He hasnt been back since then, and I havent heard anything from him either.  Now, after a year of being single, I found a man(D) that made me smile, and made me feel as if he would never do me any harm.  Hes a good man, hes a couple years younger than me, has no kids, and had just got out of the marines when we met.  We fell for each other fast, and enjoyed each others company.  Hes great with my kids, and they adore him.  Then in Oct last year I got pregnant...uh-oh...I thought it would be different than with E...D thought I was lying and needed PROOF so when I got the ultrasound to him he was ok.  He started doing like a man should, and he was very excited.  He was back and forth between the way he felt, and I just knew once the baby was here he would be ok, hes just scared and young.  From the start of the pregnancy I had trouble, my Hcg levels werent going up as they should and the Friday before Christmas, I lost the baby.  I waited a few days before I contacted D and told him, I felt that if he wanted to know he should have been there or at least asked how I was.  We ended up no longer talking to each other, and after a month or so I was ok, I felt good, I was happy, enjoyed my life with my babies.  It started to bother me how D done me and I felt I just needed his apology.  I got just that in April.  He came to my door and let it all out, everything I needed to hear from him, he said.  He since has been great for me and wonderful for the kids.  The due date for our child just passed last week, and I was impressed at how he was there for me when I broke down and needed him.  We consider ourselves as just friends, but I think Im ready for something more, and Idk if he will be able to give me that or not.  I dont want to lose out waiting on him to be ready but then I dont want to move on and miss out on him when he is.  

JND911
by on May. 27, 2013 at 8:51 PM
Incredible story, thanks for sharing! I hope it all works out well for you and your family! I'm too pessimistic I guess, so I won't say what I kind of feel bc I don't know your guy and don't want to come across as a man hater, even though I kind of am! Lol
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