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Horrible father

Posted by on May. 29, 2013 at 2:08 AM
  • 4 Replies

Okay, Me and my husband are seperated. Currently trying to get a divorce (finacial problems holding me back)

before i start i just want to tell you that i seriously think my husband is a sociopath. unfortunatley i didnt realize this til 5 months post my daughters birth. so this is the kind of man that im dealing with.

Now we have been seperated for 3-4 months. he has seen her twice by has lately been me and him and her. Everytime she cries, he either gets frustrated and starts yelling at me and her or just hands her to me and walks away. When i say crying I mean not even 5 minutes..he has absolutely NO patience. I recently discovered that i cannot hang out with him while he sees her because he calls me horrible names (C.U.N.T., B****,dumbass...list goes on). So i told him that if he wanted anything to do with our dauhter then he can get her and spend time with her. im off about this because im very nervous about this...but im also worried that he will manipulate the judge that i wont let him see her so..this is my option. 

everytime i make plans for him to get her, he cancels that day. He gives me money for her food, clothes, ect. but he doesnt want anything to do with her other than that. and quite frankly i wish he wasnt around. he calls "spending time with her" "watching her" he thinks that me wanting him to spend time with her means i want to go out and screw somebody ( and i am not that way at all) he only wants her when its inconvient for me. he has cyber stalked me...broke into all my accounts to see where im going, who im with, ect. He does not respect me or my wishes meaning : i told him that he doesnt not need to call me or text me at 11 pm to see how his dauhter is doing because she is asleep...he then blows up my phone at 12 am asking about her. He had plans to see her wednesday and decided to switch the day to thursday. He has moved 8 minutes away from me and i feel like this is just the begining. there was also some domestic violence...physically, not in a year, but still. and stupid me i never reported it.

I really dont know what else to do. So any advice would be sooooo grateful, because i am at my wits end. 

by on May. 29, 2013 at 2:08 AM
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by on May. 29, 2013 at 2:27 AM
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DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. calls, texts, save everything. If he ever tries to use anything against you in court you need to have evidence to back yourself up. If he cancels plans, document it. If he threatens you, document it. anything he does that is not in your daughters best interest, document document document!

by on May. 29, 2013 at 2:44 AM
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Wow, helloooo drama. He sounds like a tool.

Ok here is my best advice and what I would recommend. First, depending on what state you live in (check the child custody laws) if you do not have a seperation agreement that states visitaion or anything in a divorce decree OR a court ordered/documented parenting plan/agreement there is no law saying you have to let him see her at all. That works both ways though, there is also nothing stating that he has to return her either. Where I live without a court ordered agreement of some kind either parent can keep the child and not give them to the other for visitation until there is a court ordered visitation plan in place. (Again, double check your state laws I believe that is the way it is nation wide but I could be totally wrong).

BUT what I would recommend is if you do not have one yet file a parenting agreement with your courts that outlines your visitation schedule. What days and times are his times with her, who pickes her up and drops her off, when it is acceptable for him to call to check on her ie. he can only call you between the hours of 8-6 or something like that. OR if he can even call you at all. Some people have in their parenting agreements that the only communication can be through email or text so that there is written documentation of all communications. You can also possibly put in there that should he be a certain length of time late picking her up that he forfits his visit with her. Things like that.

It sounds like this guy is exerting control over you still by using your child to keep you on tilt. Being late, not showing up, rescheduling, asking for her when it is convenient for him but not you etc ... it's all a power trip. If you have a court ordered parenting agreement he can not have that control any more. He will have to live up to the schedule or miss out on time with her. YOU will be able to get some of your own power and control back having it as well because you aren't subject to his whims.

Do a search for parenting agreements in the state that you are in. Most government sites will have a place where you can even download the documents and file them yourself so you don't have to worry about paying for a lawyer or anything like that and often times they will also wave the filing fees if you fall into a certain income range.

Hope that helps and keep your head up!

PS. I also agree with rfhsure - document everything. Do not delete text messages or emails etc. Also due to the history of violence you can also request that all exchanges of your child be held at the local police station. They do that all the time and that way there are witnesses and they are cops to boot! Helps keep jerks on their best behavior and you feel safer.

by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 8:56 AM
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First, when you go to bed shut your phone off and he cannot bother/control you.

Second, if he has never been around babies then he is probably clueless to their needs and the fact that wow, they do cry for nothing.

Third, he's not really acting psychotic, he's acting like a stbx husband. If you allow him to have influence on you and your life then he will. If you draw the line clearly on your interactions with him. If he texts you talking trash, ignore it, if he calls you every dirty name in the book, ignore it. If he texts asking how his daughter is, text back what she ate, how many times she pooped (be gross and describe the color), how much she slept, if she did anything significant that day and be done.

by on May. 29, 2013 at 9:57 AM
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I was once married to a sociopath.  Thank God he's an ex!

My bouts with him were simple - he constantly lied about everything from telling our daughter he was going into OCS school - which is a officer candidate school when you are in the miltiary. Only thing is the jackass forgets that he was well over 32 years of age (he was 51 at the time).  You have to be at least 32 in order to be accepted into this school.  He told our daughter this while he was having an affair and trying to explain how he was going to start to become more financially responsible after having his own daughter's car repoed.  Moving on he told her many stories about where the furniture was that he supposedly had in storage while he was active duty.  Later on we found out he had given it all to his tramp because he we saw the pics on his iPhone.  I could go on about all the other 'stories' my ex told me and our daughter but that would take a long time. 

I agree with everyone else - document everything.  From texts, to e-mails.  Anything written from him that you can use in court.  I had done the same thing when I was fighting him in court for cs.  He gave me plenty of ammo to use against him. 

As far as texting him or even talking to him - stop doing that.  Until you gain custody and you have moved on with some kind of settlement agreement you don't need to talk to your stbx about anything.  If you do  you draw yourself into his nonsense.  If he wants to talk to you about anything he can go through your atty.  As far as your stbx seeing your child I would use caution.  He's already proven himself to be unstable.  Just because he's your child's father doesn't mean he can see her or be around her anytime he wants.  If he wants to see her go through the court system.

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