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NEW Single Mom -- kinda long

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:32 AM
  • 11 Replies
I am about to be a single mom of 4 children (im preg and due August 1st with baby #4) my husband and just jumped into lets get a divorce but we can not afford that right now so we are gonna seperate-- which since im gonna have all 4 children hes gonna let me stay at our home and hes gonna find him another place until i get us on our feet better (im in the middle of my MIL, and two of my BIL so its not gonna be easy) and since we have been working on this house and got stuff scattered from one end to the other he will more than likely come back every weekend to help me with kids and finish some stuff up around here but again only until i can get things worked out better.... im not even sure where to start with being a single mom (my kids are 6-5-1-and then the NB) i havent worked since i started having kids, but my husband did agree he would still pay for our van and so on... but what advice do you have for someone that is about to be a single mom of 4 children-- how do you work everything out so you dont stress yourself so bad... ANY KINDA HELP?ADVICE would be great.....
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mom2priceboys
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 1:59 AM

 why not share the kids? What are reasons for divorce if you are able to work together with all this other stuff, wouldn't counseling be a better option to see if this is fixable?

ktidwell
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 3:17 AM

the only reason we are doing the weekend together work is because i am pregnant.. and after im able to be on my feet for good hes gonna get the kids every other weekend im only about 4 weeks or so away from when baby number 4 should be due and he dont want to just drop everything on me and knowing im not able to work right now and he knows theres stuff i cant do that needs to be done around the house... but he does his thing while i do my duties here at home and we tend to fuss alot and so on... i have mentioned doing counseling but he dont want to....

dawncs
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:33 PM

 If you two can't afford to divorce, I hate to mention it, but I doubt that you two can afford two seperate households at all. Divorce can be really cheap if you work it out amongst yourselves. However, it becomes really expensive when contested. He will be paying around a third of his income before taxes in child support for four children until the youngest is 18 years old. It will make it really hard for him to afford a place on his own trust me. With work, you should be able to afford things better. Just tell him that counseling is a lot cheaper than what he would be paying in child support because it can help you two work out the issues and communication problems you are having.

Quoting ktidwell:

the only reason we are doing the weekend together work is because i am pregnant.. and after im able to be on my feet for good hes gonna get the kids every other weekend im only about 4 weeks or so away from when baby number 4 should be due and he dont want to just drop everything on me and knowing im not able to work right now and he knows theres stuff i cant do that needs to be done around the house... but he does his thing while i do my duties here at home and we tend to fuss alot and so on... i have mentioned doing counseling but he dont want to....

 

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

rocky_mtn_mama
by Bronze Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:52 PM

First, I'd get all of your agreements in writing.  I know you probably trust that your stbx is going to honor the agreement, but for your security, it's just better to have all of it in writing.

Second, it's good that he'll be there for the kids as often as he can and that he's going to help with getting the house in order for you, or for the two of you to sell later.  That will help and the kids need to know that he's still going to be there for him.

amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 1:37 PM

welcome

vbway
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 11:43 PM

It sounds like he thinks it will be easy to just seperate and pay the car note. Is he planning on paying you child support? I don't think it will be fair for you to pay all the bills and food at the house while he pays for a little apartment and only has the kids 4 days a month. 

I would definitly file for child support. 

Andrewsmom70
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 11:49 PM
So the only reason you're getting divorced is because of arguing?
ktidwell
by on Jun. 10, 2013 at 12:16 AM
hes gonna also pay me child support along with paying the van off and help with money issues until i can find a job --- i do have FS & WIC to help me out.... hes also pretty much giving me anything out of the house i want or need, and NO all the fussing is not the only reason we are seperating, he has also cheated on me, along with some other stuff that i really dont think i need to get into... weve tried to work on our marriage and we can get it to working for alittle while and then we are right back doing the same place
Quoting vbway:

It sounds like he thinks it will be easy to just seperate and pay the car note. Is he planning on paying you child support? I don't think it will be fair for you to pay all the bills and food at the house while he pays for a little apartment and only has the kids 4 days a month. 

I would definitly file for child support. 


Andrewsmom70
by on Jun. 10, 2013 at 12:24 AM
As someone else said, get everything in writing. He's all agreeable right now but once he starts dating, all bets will most likely off. Everything changes when another woman enters.
LifeCafe42
by on Jun. 10, 2013 at 12:31 AM
Welcome!
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