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Dating a guy with no job

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 1:03 PM
  • 51 Replies

I'm 32 and am a single mom of a 7 year old daughter.  I don't date when my daughter is with me, so my dating options are limited to every other wekeend - which kinda stinks for my dating life lol.

I met this guy through a mutual friend and we really hit it off.  I've been out with him four times and, I know its early, he makes me feel cared for, important and special.

Trouble is, he doesn't have a job.  Hasn't had one in almost five years.

He lives with his sister, who is single, and helps to raise her three kids.  His sister works at a factory, 12 hour days and 6 days a week so he plays "housewife" and cooks, cleans, and helps with the kids.

Please don't think I'm a whore - just selfish sometimes... and I don't usually sleep with men after this short of time, but I had sex with him and it was amazing.

I don't know if I should continue to see him, because the "no job" thing does really bother me.  The sex is really good... but its more than that... I feel a connection with him I haven't felt in a long time with a man.

Help? 

by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 1:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jun. 11, 2013 at 1:10 PM
2 moms liked this

 If he was laid off and actively searching or relocated and actively looking, doing odd jobs, while actively looking, studying, but still doing some form of work to make money to live, than maybe but 5 years without a job especially for a man is not of interest for me.

dawncs
by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 1:16 PM
3 moms liked this

I would be a little leary in this situation trust me. There is probably a good reason why he is not working. He either has a prior criminal conviction or is trying to avoid child support. Some men become stay at home dads who are remarried to avoid child support for kids that they have. You will have big regrets if you wind up pregnant by him because I doubt he will pay child support to you. My Mom has a neighbor who married and divorced a Deadbeat parent of two children from a prior marriage who refused to pay child support, and he refuses to pay her child support for their two children.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jun. 11, 2013 at 1:19 PM
6 moms liked this
Do you know for sure that the lady he lives with is his sister?
mz23
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 1:32 PM
Id say hell no. And id think if he wants to really help his sis hed get a job so his sis wouldn't have to work ALL dqy. A man without a job esp forthat amount a time...is just a no. But a t least he is helping his sis. Some men aint got a job, aint looking for a job and doiny diddly squat ha ha. But still itd be a no for me. Good luck though. Sucks when they have part of tge package but not all.
Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 3:21 PM
1 mom liked this

No job for 5 years means he is a leach and a bum. or he is trying to avoid paying child support. This guy is a loser. I was in your same shoes last year. Dated a guy who was sooo cute and we hit it off. He also was jobless, a HUGE pothead and lived with his mom. The fling lasted 3 months as we had several deal breakers going on. The no job thing should bother you as it probaby will not change. Do you know if he has kids? If he does then he is a deadbeat dad and that should also bother you.

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jun. 11, 2013 at 3:26 PM

 Did he say why he has not worked in almost 5 years? Does he have children?

lydi
by Lydi on Jun. 11, 2013 at 3:34 PM

 that would be a tough one for me.  On the one side he doesn't have a job, but on the other he sounds very helpful and responsible with helping his sisters children.  Which I hope it is really his sister.  if there is a great connection i would talk to him about your concerns and go from there. 

Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 3:50 PM
2 moms liked this

What do you do on dates since he has no money? Do you pay for everything? That would be a huge turn off for me. You are a single mom and have better things to spend your money on.

heretolisten
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 5:15 PM
4 moms liked this

I agree with the others.  Firstly, use logic. Any man without a pot to piss in will latch on full throttle to a woman who will "take care of him".  You're giving him everything for free.  You don't ask anything of him and can't expect anything. It's a free ride.  If you have a house he will move in free of charge and you can expect to pay for his upkeep, food, etc., on top of your own child's.  He's using you.  And yes, you have sex with an unemployed bum, you can expect to get pregnant and not get child support and have nobody to blame but yourself. Far too often women cry foul when they hook up with unemployed losers, get pregnant and want pity because the broke loser who knocked them up isn't paying up. When dating I strongly encourage you to look for men that can benefit and enhance your life, contribute to it.  Think about your child.  Is that the male role model you want in their life?  Deadbeat?  And it's still new, so wait until his entitlement phase kicks in.  The one that after 3 months of carrying him you start to pressure him into becoming responsible and mature and he suddenly starts to get defensive and walks or finds a new sugar momma to dance with.  You can get amazing sex from an employed man.... he's single and amazing for a reason. It's the only "job" he has!!!  LOL   The truth is, smart women don't date deadbeat bums.  Be smart.  You have a child to raise. :)   Start looking for husband material.  The one with the job, the house, the car, the full coverage insurance and the medical coverage.  An IRA/401K wouldn't be bad either.  Those are the men that should be on your radar.  :) 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 7:20 PM
Lol you have described the man my SO's ex got knocked up by! Oh and he uses her to throw parties at her house cuz he can't do it at mommy and daddy's. he also has a total of 5 children from 4 women. One is deceased, therefore he has those 2 full time and receives survivor benefits for them. He has a habit of telling her he will be right back, leaving his kids there and not coming back until 4 am drunk. He picks a fight w her every weekend so he can leave her at home n go party.

He was "awesome" when they first met.


Quoting heretolisten:

I agree with the others.  Firstly, use logic. Any man without a pot to piss in will latch on full throttle to a woman who will "take care of him".  You're giving him everything for free.  You don't ask anything of him and can't expect anything. It's a free ride.  If you have a house he will move in free of charge and you can expect to pay for his upkeep, food, etc., on top of your own child's.  He's using you.  And yes, you have sex with an unemployed bum, you can expect to get pregnant and not get child support and have nobody to blame but yourself. Far too often women cry foul when they hook up with unemployed losers, get pregnant and want pity because the broke loser who knocked them up isn't paying up. When dating I strongly encourage you to look for men that can benefit and enhance your life, contribute to it.  Think about your child.  Is that the male role model you want in their life?  Deadbeat?  And it's still new, so wait until his entitlement phase kicks in.  The one that after 3 months of carrying him you start to pressure him into becoming responsible and mature and he suddenly starts to get defensive and walks or finds a new sugar momma to dance with.  You can get amazing sex from an employed man.... he's single and amazing for a reason. It's the only "job" he has!!!  LOL   The truth is, smart women don't date deadbeat bums.  Be smart.  You have a child to raise. :)   Start looking for husband material.  The one with the job, the house, the car, the full coverage insurance and the medical coverage.  An IRA/401K wouldn't be bad either.  Those are the men that should be on your radar.  :) 

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