that's far from the truth. I don't hate him at all. He's been nothing but good to me. He has a ton of amazing qualities. He's been there for me through more hardships than anyone ever has, and has devoted himself to me completely. He has done absolutely nothing wrong. I don't know why, but the last month or so I have been completely withdrawing from him. there isn't anyone else, he hasn't caused anything, there haven't been changes in our relationship that I would see as detrimental. I've just detached from him completely. He came over last night to hang out and he told me today he felt like a stranger. I wasn't hardly affectionate towards him at all. Every little thing he does seems to irritate me when it didn't before. I miss him but I don't want to see him. I barely talk to him. To be completely honest I've been kind of a shit girlfriend. I haven't been available for him at all. the worst part is, I have absolutely no idea why I'm doing it. I don't feel like I want to break up or see other people, but something in me just keeps pushing him away. I have done this before in a relationship, more than once. It seems like when the relationship is at its best or things get really serious something clicks on in my head that wants to ignore all of my feelings for a person and tells me to push them away. I had spent a lot of time being single just to try and figure things out, identify what was going on, do some soul searching and what not. And I've always had epihpanies or felt like I'd fixed the problem and it won't happen again. This is seriously the best guy I've ever been with in every category. I don't understand why I'm doing this. I care about him a lot, I value our relationship, why did I just detach? One part of me feels like maybe I just shouldn't be with him and focus on being single and trying to figure this out, another part of me thinks that this relationship is too important and I need to try and fix it together. I didn't post this because I need to know which one to do so much as I just want to know if anyone has ever been through this, and how you've overcome it if you have. Or at the very least someone I can talk to about it that can relate or give me a compassionate ear. I'm sure I'll get bashed by someone about this at some point but I'm really trying to just reach out right now. I seriously need girlfriends for shits sake. Im on cafemom saying all of this, this is how confused I am.
Thanks for your responses and encouragement everyone, I really appreciate it! Just wanted to update today that we had a long talk and decided to spend some time apart. (not a 'break', I don't believe in those). We're still in a relationship, we're just going to spend some time away from eachother for a while. I'm not ready to just give up on him, but I do need to spend some time alone and really evaluate my feelings about the relationship. I think with having my son I've felt responsible for a lot of people's happiness. And when I do have spare time away from Hendrix I spend it with my boyfriend. I think I need some more time with my other friends and just for myself period. We'll hang out again when I'm ready and I'm sure by then I'll have a better sense of what I want and need from the relationship, or if I should even be in one at all. He was very supportive of that and is happy just to know that I'm trying to address the issue.