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Do you expect your boyfriend to help out with things?

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:10 AM
  • 15 Replies

Boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now and we have not introduced our kids to the other yet.  Kids are staying with Ex Dh (dad) for the summer so we have been spending more time together.  I own a home and he has an apartment.  His job has been slow so he has been off work a little bit more than usual.  He called the other day and I told him I was busy cutting the grass so he said he would call back later.  He later said "oh I started to come over and cut your grass since I was off".  I hadn't even thought or expected anything like that but it got me to thinking...should I or do you guys expect your bf to help out with anything?  It sort of pissed me off only after he mentioned it.  I mean he has been off and I work and maintain the would have been a nice gesture but know what they say about expectations.  I wish he would have never made the statement.


by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:10 AM
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by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:29 AM
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I think it really depends on what stage you are at in your relationship. If my boyfriend hadn't met my kids and didn't really spend time at my house, I would not only not expect him to do my household work, I wouldn't want him too. But if we were at a stage where we were spending significant amounts of time together and he was at my house a lot, I would expect that he help out. If for no other reason that so that we could spend more time together or with the kids. 

But my rule of thumb is that if something bothers me, I speak up. I would have said something like " oh well, next time, and I will be sure to give you a call before I get started" and then I would call him next time. 

I think communication is important. I try to get get upset about things, unless they already know my expectations. 

by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 12:27 PM
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When it is something he can do better yes I ask him for help. If I can do it myself I do. Mowing the lawn I would ask him to do just so I can see him working with no shirt on lol.

I'm tattooed,pagan,pro-choice,pro-legalizing marijuana,pro-gay marriage,anti-war,non-vaxing,tree hugging,animal loving,book reading,animal testing free,depression battling, trying to raise a free spirit and letting her be who she is but still teaching her important life lessons,fighting for equal rights at the same time,don't like it get over it.

by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 1:08 PM

No, I don't think I'd expect him to help out with stuff like that if he doesn't live there.

by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 1:14 PM

Well, if the kids are with the exDH I don't understand why your bf didn't at least offer to help you.  You have been dating for an entire year.  When I was married my lazy husband would actually sit in his office and spend time on his computer doing who knows what while I mowed the entire yard.  I own a 1/4 of an acre lot and it takes me 2 hours to mow the entire lot.  I would actually mow the front, purposely push the mower to the backyard and then go inside and tell my husband he was going to 'help' me finish the yard and that the mower was waiting for him.  It took me hours to get that lazy fool to move off his chair and mow the backyard.  It always ticked me off knowing everytime the yard needed mowing I had to go through this BS.  If anything we should have shared the mowing duty. 

Now, once I have a SO I would hope he feels bad for me and actually comes over and mows the yard.  I'm the only female in my neighborhood that mows her yard.  I'll be so glad to sell my house just to get rid of all that mowing duty!


by Carrie on Jun. 12, 2013 at 1:17 PM

 If he does not live there, than no

by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 2:06 PM
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If he didn't live there I wouldn't expect him to help out.  If he offered and was sincere with his offer I may take him up on it though.

by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 2:35 PM

Oh gosh yes. I felt weird at first too and my bf was offended and said "I guess you don't need a man around". I was so used to doing it alone and not being a helpless female. But I wounded his male pride so I backed off and let him take the lead. Now after 4 years the man changes my light bulbs and puts my groceries away lol

by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 2:46 PM

I don't expect any help. The offer of help is a nice gesture. But don't touch my lawn.

by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 3:01 PM
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When my ex comes to pick up the kids he does work around the house for me. In general I'm pretty independent and have no problems taking care of things on my own. If bf wants to come help he can, if not it doesn't really matter to me.

On a side note, kudos for keeping your kids out of the relationship. I see too many people drag their kids into a relationship only for them to get hurt along with mom/dad.

by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Kyle doesn' live here, does stay nights and spend time together but he just does it has from day one.  I like it but it did feel wierd in the begining when he would do these things now it is just second nature.  I met his 8 yr old a month after we started dating. if your relationship is solid why not share the kids and have outing that the kids would enjoy with the two of you to get to know the other.  A year is a long time and after that kind of time either the relationship is solid or its not and if not then what are you still doing in the relationship?  Not saying introduce on the first date but when your solid with the relationship and know its going somewhere.  I've spent time with his daughter twice.  the little one I have yet to meet, but that is more the mom not wanting to let go.

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