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First visit with dad

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 5:46 PM
  • 13 Replies
So Monday my Dh told me he was done working on our marriage. But he wanted ds and I to stay with him in our apartment until our lease was up (6 months). I packed up ds and I on Tuesday and we went to stay with my mom for a few days. I thought time apart would be good for all of us. I am pretty sure this few days away is going to be permanent. Why go back to a home where I am not wanted?

So today Dh (um soon to be xdh?) is coming to pick up our son to see him for a few hours. I am a wreck. He will be here (hopefully) really soon. I feel like I could hurl. I can handle 3 hours away from ds. But I am not ready to see Dh. Last week we were talking more babies. This totally came as a shock to me. And of course he and I will be talking tonight about our situation after ds goes to bed, so that makes the nerves worse. I just want this all to be over with. Thankfully I am staying with family.

God this sucks.

EDIT:
Well he showed up an hour and a half late. Refused to wait until our son went to bed to talk about anything and ended up storming out with even saying goodbye to his son. And he left because I told him it is not okay to be an hour and a half late. It irritates me but it is unfair to our son.

Oh. And he cleared out our bank account and changed the passwords so I don't have access anymore. Seeing as I have been a SAHM for over 2 years I am a bit screwed.
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 5:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 6:03 PM
I know thus is hard but this child is just as much his as he is yours. Without a court order he can take the child when he wants but hopefully you 2 can work something out. This is going to be a huge adjustment for the child but be needs his dad too.
sunshine389142
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:13 PM

Good luck.  Splitting is always hard.  I think our nerves make things worse.  I always get anxious about difficult discussions and confrontations.

Lisa_7777
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 9:40 PM
what do you mean without a court order he can tae him whenever he wants? me and my x partner have split up my daughter has been in my care 100% even when we were thoghther i was the main career of our daughter i dont let my daughter see her farther cause i have concerns or er being in his care. although im happy with supervised visits, until he sorts himself out.
Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I know thus is hard but this child is just as much his as he is yours. Without a court order he can take the child when he wants but hopefully you 2 can work something out. This is going to be a huge adjustment for the child but be needs his dad too.
vbway
by Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 11:40 PM

If the father's name is on the birth certificate, he can take the child anytime he wants. The child is equally yours and his. If there is a court order in place for custody/visitation and he takes the child any other time than is outlined in the court order, then he can get into trouble. Otherwise, he can come pick up the kid and not bring him back, he could even go down to the court house and file for custody and keep the kid until it's sorted out. 


Quoting Lisa_7777:

what do you mean without a court order he can tae him whenever he wants? me and my x partner have split up my daughter has been in my care 100% even when we were thoghther i was the main career of our daughter i dont let my daughter see her farther cause i have concerns or er being in his care. although im happy with supervised visits, until he sorts himself out.
Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I know thus is hard but this child is just as much his as he is yours. Without a court order he can take the child when he wants but hopefully you 2 can work something out. This is going to be a huge adjustment for the child but be needs his dad too.



LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 13, 2013 at 11:42 PM
Hugs mama it won't be easy welcome
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lisa_7777
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 12:16 AM

ok thanks mumma for the info :) 

sorry mumma *the one who origionally posted this!..) didnt mean to invade on ur post.

its not easy all the best.

Quoting vbway:

If the father's name is on the birth certificate, he can take the child anytime he wants. The child is equally yours and his. If there is a court order in place for custody/visitation and he takes the child any other time than is outlined in the court order, then he can get into trouble. Otherwise, he can come pick up the kid and not bring him back, he could even go down to the court house and file for custody and keep the kid until it's sorted out. 


Quoting Lisa_7777:

what do you mean without a court order he can tae him whenever he wants? me and my x partner have split up my daughter has been in my care 100% even when we were thoghther i was the main career of our daughter i dont let my daughter see her farther cause i have concerns or er being in his care. although im happy with supervised visits, until he sorts himself out.
Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I know thus is hard but this child is just as much his as he is yours. Without a court order he can take the child when he wants but hopefully you 2 can work something out. This is going to be a huge adjustment for the child but be needs his dad too.




shelley11709
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 10:29 AM
I wasn't worried about my son spending time with his dad. I was worried because my ex basically told me to he didn't want to be my husband anymore but to stick around until the lease was up just in case he changed his mind and still wanted me. I was in love with my ex. This all came out of left field. I thought we were in a good place.

I didn't want to see him but I was fine with my son spending time with him. I know he needs his father. Sadly his father is choosing to let his anger with me affect their relationship.


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I know thus is hard but this child is just as much his as he is yours. Without a court order he can take the child when he wants but hopefully you 2 can work something out. This is going to be a huge adjustment for the child but be needs his dad too.

michiganmom5150
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:28 AM
File a co about the bank accounts and a temp CS order. He needs to at least pay support for his child! My ex froze our accounts and then racked up credit card debit buying new furniture. Luckily, we had no kids and I was still working then. But, if you are a sahm, half that is yours. Marital assets. You need to get a lawyer. Many will work for free until you get $. My mom loaned me the $750 retainer until I got access to my money. Good luck!
Robsessed98
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:56 AM
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Unfortunately you can't do anything about him taking the money since you're not legally separated (mine did it too) but hopefully he will have second thoughts and give you some. Can your parents loan you enough to file for custody? Without a court order, he can take the child as well. If you deny him access to see the child it will look bad in court. I would suggest letting him know in writing (for proof) that you will make arrangements to visit but only at your parent's house. Make sure your parents are home and do not let him go outside with the child. That way if there is trouble or he tries to leave with the child, your parents can make him leave or call the police. It may seem paranoid, but you have to do whatever it takes to protect the lo.
woodstock525
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 12:10 PM

Without a court order there is nothing you can do to stop him from taking the child.  Even if you're living with your parents and he comes in the house to visit and takes the child away with him, the police can do nothing unless you have a court order.  The court can also order temporary child support.  Even though you've been a SAHM, they typically will impute your income (base the CS order on your potential earnings in your profession) combined with his earnings. 

Just keep in mind that you are separating from/divorcing this man, your child is not and your child needs a regular relationship with both of his bioparents. 

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