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Sensitive subject...question about deceased child.

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:11 PM
  • 17 Replies

I have been seeing a guy who tragically lost a son as a toddler, 20 years ago. When we first started corresponding he told me he had 3 kids and gave their ages. He is including the deceased child and how old he would have been if he was alive. Very sad. Is it normal to do this?

by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
diaperstodating
by Queen24Princes on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:13 PM
Not sure. Bump
Wyattlucasmama
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:14 PM

 This is very sad, but I don't think it is necessarily what you would call normal. Everyone deals with grief differently, but it sounds to me like he never worked through his grief. If it has been 20 years and he assumingly does not have some sort of mental issue, he may need to speak to a therapist of some kind to work through his emotions.

lnrmom
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:16 PM
My ss passed away at 19. I say how old he would be today and count him as one of my children.
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this

To me it really depends. If he had said, "Charlie 10, Bobby 8 and Sophie who would have been 7" is different than saing, Charlie 10, Bobby 8 and Sophie 7. If its the first way, saying would have been.... to me that is just a parent saying yes, I have 3 children, only 2 are living.

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:20 PM

In one of our first emails (we met on POF) he said he had 3 kids 26, 22 and 20. It was shortly after that he told me the 22 year old died at 2 1/2 tragically run over by a car. I personally do not know how you could ever get over the death of a child but I suppose you learn to live with it.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:28 PM

 Then I would definitely be leary.  I agree its not something you can just get over. However, the child was never 22, for a parent to think along those lines imho they are still grieving. Where there is nothing long with grieving the loss of a child, turning them into a 22 year old is a bit off.


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

In one of our first emails (we met on POF) he said he had 3 kids 26, 22 and 20. It was shortly after that he told me the 22 year old died at 2 1/2 tragically run over by a car. I personally do not know how you could ever get over the death of a child but I suppose you learn to live with it.


 

GoldenLinds
by Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think you go telling prople you have a dead ch ok ld right away. In his position I'd have pribably done the samr thing and come back to that detail as I knew the person more. The child never stops being yours so you count them and it would be weird saying 26, 20 and 2 1/2. Kwim. Sounds normal to me.
GoldenLinds
by Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 1:32 PM
1 mom liked this
It would be even worse still if he denied having the child all together. He told you what happenes. Hes not in denial. Nothing wrong with this man!!!
easinpc
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 8:05 PM

I'm not sure what I'd do in that situation.

Bribriesmom
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this
If you've never lost a child, you wouldn't understand how a person grieves over losing a child. I lost my son, but I joined a perinatal loss support group. It is difficult now that I have my daughter when she reaches her millstones, I would think about Elijah & get sad. It could be his way of acknowledging his son & he may need to talk about his grief with someone. I'm still connected to my group, we go out together & have strong bonds.
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