See what CafeMoms are saying about saving time this holiday season..
My daughter is almost 7 months old. After he abandoned me while pregnant and didn't care for any of my complications, I did not inform him of her birth. Three months later and after a kick in the butt from his mother, he finally came around. After we got child support set up, he began visiting. Soon after, he became flirtatious towards me, which I initially ignored, but soon got sick of. About a month ago, I told him to knock it off. After a bit of fighting with him telling me he treated me good and blah blah blah, he dropped it. Or so I thought. In the past month, he's seen her three times. May 9th, May 20th, and June 3rd. All the times, his focus has been me. Not her. Either staring at me or trying to talk about our old relationship. The visits, combined, give us a grand total of three and a half hours of visitation. I constantly text him telling him when he can come visit (we determine when visitation will be between the two of us). He rarely answers my texts, will not answer calls, and if he DOES answer a text, it's to either talk down to me or make plans to see her then break plans the same day. He usually tries demanding things of me, such as drive her to him on some days, and threatens court if I don't obey. I am very flexible with him, but he's pushing it.
A few days back, he decided to tell me he wanted our daughter to spend Father's Day with him because "he deserves it". I told him that would be fine, but I will be with her the entire time. I would not leave her. He then texts back "Stop texting me. I'm busy." We never made real plans for Father's Day. Yesterday, I took her to the doctors and found out she has a cold (my poor princess), and I told him that she will not be able to go anywhere until she's well again. He gets upset and begins telling me that if I want to keep her away from him on special days such as Father's Day, he would take me to court. How selfish of him!
Despite all of my attempts to have him come visit her, he rarely does. She cries around him because she has no clue who he is and he blames me. He doesn't ask how she's doing or what new things she's learned how to do (she's learned how to make the sound 'bah bah bah' and how to hold herself up on her hands and tip toes since his last visit...the hands and tip toes thing is adorable). Even after I told him she is sick, he hasn't asked once how she's doing. He's gotten her 3 pairs of socks, an outfit, a cheap wipe warmer, and baby wipes...he says he will not give more because apparently, $200 in child support monthly (after the state takes out for medicaid) is enough for formula, diapers, wipes, baby food, daycare, medicine, gas to get to the doctors, and clothes. I currently do not work and am at my parents house. I'm trying to get child support raised so I can afford daycare and look for work. So he pretty much just pays child support and visits when he thinks I may get back with him or have sex with him. Which is why he rarely comes around because its not happening!
Then we go to Facebook! He's always posting about how much he loves her and how he would do anything for her. Says she's his world. That he will always be there for her. Talks about how I "just don't understand" and should be lucky he "isn't like most guys that don't come around". He posts pictures of her on the rare occasion that he comes over (hands her to me so he can post them), and is always swarmed by people saying he's an amazing father. It's quite irritating for me to see him post all this while I'm here, giving her a bottle while changing her diaper at the same time.
He's changed one diaper, fed maybe three bottles, has not fed any solids, given no baths, given no medicine, and has refused to go with her to get more shots because it "hurts him to see". I make it so easy for him to come see her. If her diaper is wet or dirty, I tell him and I leave the new diaper, wipes, and powder out for him. He ignores it. I end up changing her. With feeding time, I make the bottle, walk up prepared to hand it to him, but he gives her to me so ill feed her. Burping all depends on if he's texting or not.
What do I do in this situation? Do I just stop texting him to ask him to visit and let him come on his own? And how do I keep my cool with all his "I'm a good dad" talk? And what can I say when he demands something and threatens with court if I don't comply? His demands can be pretty unreasonable,