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WHAT DO I NEED TO ASK FOR IN THE CUSTODY AGREEMENT

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:48 AM
  • 18 Replies

OK so my ex really wants me & dd to move to his state because right now we live about 3 hours away from each other I have hesitantly agreed but only if we can create a custody agreement  that I am happy with before we move but I am unsure of what I need to put in the agreement to keep me safe from possible backlash.


The agreement on the move is I will live there for a year if I dont like it and/or if I cant handle the difference of enviroment I am not obligated to stay (this will be put in the custody agreement so he cant try to keep me there if i decide to leave )

We are going to use a lawyer to create the agreement.

We have already decided that I will have full physical custody with him getting visitation. We are still debating what the visitation will be 



by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 12:48 AM
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vbway
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:17 AM
8 moms liked this

Be very detailed. Pick up times and drop off times for visits, locations for exchanges, summer break(for when kid gets older, will the child spend more time with dad in the summer? Don't forget school breaks and Mothers day and Fathers day. What happens if he can't do a visitation, are you willing to trade days if he gives you x amount of notice? Or no make up days? How late can he be on his visitation days? 20 minutes? an hour? I would say 30 minutes, I wouldn't wait around all day for him, How will phone/email contact happen? Can he call the child each night? What time? Remember to includes times for you to contact the child when he is with dad. How will holidays be handled?Who claims child on taxes? Will dad be partially responsible for extraciricular activities? Who decides what the activites will be and how many the child will participate in. Can these activites happen on dads time? If so, to what extent? Who will provide insurance? Also insurance situations change, so add to the aggreement that you share medical/dental/specialist costs that are not covered by insurance. Do you have final say in child's medical care? Who will take the child to dr. appointments? (It is easier if one parent does that, but I would offer to let him attend so that he can stay involved.) Babysitting: right of first refusal. If he needs a sitter because he is called into work, you should be offered to watch the child first. That will keep him from leaving the child with new girlfriends or other people you don't approve of.  I would also include carseat requirments. I know several NCP's who don't put their kids in proper seats. Hope that helps.

ps. I know that seems like a lot, but trust me, the more detailed it is, the less problems you will have down the line. That will make it lest stressful not only for you and your ex, but also for the child. Because he will know what to expect.

mom2priceboys
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 6:25 PM

 What a great list....what do you have to offer for not yet driving teens?

Quoting vbway:

Be very detailed. Pick up times and drop off times for visits, locations for exchanges, summer break(for when kid gets older, will the child spend more time with dad in the summer? Don't forget school breaks and Monthers day and Fathers day. What happens if he can't do a visitation, are you willing to trade days if he gives you x amount of notice? Or no make up days? How late can he be on his visitation days? 20 minutes? an hour? I would say 30 minutes, I wouldn't wait around all day for him, How will phone/email contact happen? Can he call the child each night? What time? Remember to includes times for you to contact the child when he is with dad. How will holidays be handled?Who claims child on taxes? Will dad be partially responsible for extraciricular activities? Who decides what the activites will be and how many the child will participate in. Can these activites happen on dads time? If so, to what extent? Who will provide insurance? Also insurance situations change, so add to the aggreement that you share medical/dental/specialist costs that are not covered by insurance. Do you have final say in child's medical care? Who will take the child to dr. appointments? (It is easier if one parent does that, but I would offer to let him attend so that he can stay involved.) Babysitting: right of first refusal. If he needs a sitter because he is called into work, you should be offered to watch the child first. That will keep him from leaving the child with new girlfriends or other people you don't approve of.  I would also include carseat requirments. I know several NCP's who don't put their kids in proper seats. Hope that helps.

ps. I know that seems like a lot, but trust me, the more detailed it is, the less problems you will have down the line. That will make it lest stressful not only for you and your ex, but also for the child. Because he will know what to expect.

 

vbway
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:39 PM
lol. I wish I could help but I haven't thought THAT far ahead : ). My only tip, don't let them start. lol. I have my girls convinced that it is not safe to start driving young. They tell me all the time that they want to be safe and will wait to learn to drive until they are at least 17 ; ) I can only hope.
Quoting mom2priceboys:

 What a great list....what do you have to offer for not yet driving teens?

Quoting vbway:

Be very detailed. Pick up times and drop off times for visits, locations for exchanges, summer break(for when kid gets older, will the child spend more time with dad in the summer? Don't forget school breaks and Mothers day and Fathers day. What happens if he can't do a visitation, are you willing to trade days if he gives you x amount of notice? Or no make up days? How late can he be on his visitation days? 20 minutes? an hour? I would say 30 minutes, I wouldn't wait around all day for him, How will phone/email contact happen? Can he call the child each night? What time? Remember to includes times for you to contact the child when he is with dad. How will holidays be handled?Who claims child on taxes? Will dad be partially responsible for extraciricular activities? Who decides what the activites will be and how many the child will participate in. Can these activites happen on dads time? If so, to what extent? Who will provide insurance? Also insurance situations change, so add to the aggreement that you share medical/dental/specialist costs that are not covered by insurance. Do you have final say in child's medical care? Who will take the child to dr. appointments? (It is easier if one parent does that, but I would offer to let him attend so that he can stay involved.) Babysitting: right of first refusal. If he needs a sitter because he is called into work, you should be offered to watch the child first. That will keep him from leaving the child with new girlfriends or other people you don't approve of.  I would also include carseat requirments. I know several NCP's who don't put their kids in proper seats. Hope that helps.

ps. I know that seems like a lot, but trust me, the more detailed it is, the less problems you will have down the line. That will make it lest stressful not only for you and your ex, but also for the child. Because he will know what to expect.

 


SueSahara
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:53 PM
Quoting vbway:

Be very detailed. Pick up times and drop off times for visits, locations for exchanges, summer break(for when kid gets older, will the child spend more time with dad in the summer? Don't forget school breaks and Monthers day and Fathers day. What happens if he can't do a visitation, are you willing to trade days if he gives you x amount of notice? Or no make up days? How late can he be on his visitation days? 20 minutes? an hour? I would say 30 minutes, I wouldn't wait around all day for him, How will phone/email contact happen? Can he call the child each night? What time? Remember to includes times for you to contact the child when he is with dad. How will holidays be handled?Who claims child on taxes? Will dad be partially responsible for extraciricular activities? Who decides what the activites will be and how many the child will participate in. Can these activites happen on dads time? If so, to what extent? Who will provide insurance? Also insurance situations change, so add to the aggreement that you share medical/dental/specialist costs that are not covered by insurance. Do you have final say in child's medical care? Who will take the child to dr. appointments? (It is easier if one parent does that, but I would offer to let him attend so that he can stay involved.) Babysitting: right of first refusal. If he needs a sitter because he is called into work, you should be offered to watch the child first. That will keep him from leaving the child with new girlfriends or other people you don't approve of.  I would also include carseat requirments. I know several NCP's who don't put their kids in proper seats. Hope that helps.

ps. I know that seems like a lot, but trust me, the more detailed it is, the less problems you will have down the line. That will make it lest stressful not only for you and your ex, but also for the child. Because he will know what to expect.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THIS INFORMATION I WASNT AWARE THAT I NEEDED TO ADD ALL OF THAT DETAIL BUT IT MAKES SENSE OUR GREAT RELATIONSHIP IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE SOUR SO I WANT THIS AGREEMENT IN PLACE
vbway
by Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:06 AM

That is exactly why details are important. Relationships do breakdown and then it is very difficult to communicate because emotions are high. If he balks at the idea of all the details, tell him it is to protect him too. That way he is assured all the time he is allowed with his child and won't miss out on things, no matter what happens in the future. 

Remember, once the cs order is in place, it can be difficult to change. One more thing came to mind, you may need to do double the work. You will need to add a provision that says if you don't like living there and you move back home (as allowed per your aggreement) then what happends with all the things listed above? You will have to have a custody order within a custody order. Because if you move back, you will have a completely different custody arrangement (don't forget to add who will have to pay for the child to travel and who will be picking up or taking the child to visit the dad). 

Yes, I know it was a long response, but I hope it helped. 

Quoting SueSahara:

Quoting vbway:

Be very detailed. Pick up times and drop off times for visits, locations for exchanges, summer break(for when kid gets older, will the child spend more time with dad in the summer? Don't forget school breaks and Monthers day and Fathers day. What happens if he can't do a visitation, are you willing to trade days if he gives you x amount of notice? Or no make up days? How late can he be on his visitation days? 20 minutes? an hour? I would say 30 minutes, I wouldn't wait around all day for him, How will phone/email contact happen? Can he call the child each night? What time? Remember to includes times for you to contact the child when he is with dad. How will holidays be handled?Who claims child on taxes? Will dad be partially responsible for extraciricular activities? Who decides what the activites will be and how many the child will participate in. Can these activites happen on dads time? If so, to what extent? Who will provide insurance? Also insurance situations change, so add to the aggreement that you share medical/dental/specialist costs that are not covered by insurance. Do you have final say in child's medical care? Who will take the child to dr. appointments? (It is easier if one parent does that, but I would offer to let him attend so that he can stay involved.) Babysitting: right of first refusal. If he needs a sitter because he is called into work, you should be offered to watch the child first. That will keep him from leaving the child with new girlfriends or other people you don't approve of.  I would also include carseat requirments. I know several NCP's who don't put their kids in proper seats. Hope that helps.

ps. I know that seems like a lot, but trust me, the more detailed it is, the less problems you will have down the line. That will make it lest stressful not only for you and your ex, but also for the child. Because he will know what to expect.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THIS INFORMATION I WASNT AWARE THAT I NEEDED TO ADD ALL OF THAT DETAIL BUT IT MAKES SENSE OUR GREAT RELATIONSHIP IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE SOUR SO I WANT THIS AGREEMENT IN PLACE



CarlosFer
by Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:12 AM
How will unpredicted expenses be handled? Who pays for school, extracurricular activities? Child support in case you split?
SueSahara
by Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting vbway:

That is exactly why details are important. Relationships do breakdown and then it is very difficult to communicate because emotions are high. If he balks at the idea of all the details, tell him it is to protect him too. That way he is assured all the time he is allowed with his child and won't miss out on things, no matter what happens in the future. 

Remember, once the cs order is in place, it can be difficult to change. One more thing came to mind, you may need to do double the work. You will need to add a provision that says if you don't like living there and you move back home (as allowed per your aggreement) then what happends with all the things listed above? You will have to have a custody order within a custody order. Because if you move back, you will have a completely different custody arrangement (don't forget to add who will have to pay for the child to travel and who will be picking up or taking the child to visit the dad). 

Yes, I know it was a long response, but I hope it helped. 

Quoting SueSahara:

Quoting vbway:

Be very detailed. Pick up times and drop off times for visits, locations for exchanges, summer break(for when kid gets older, will the child spend more time with dad in the summer? Don't forget school breaks and Monthers day and Fathers day. What happens if he can't do a visitation, are you willing to trade days if he gives you x amount of notice? Or no make up days? How late can he be on his visitation days? 20 minutes? an hour? I would say 30 minutes, I wouldn't wait around all day for him, How will phone/email contact happen? Can he call the child each night? What time? Remember to includes times for you to contact the child when he is with dad. How will holidays be handled?Who claims child on taxes? Will dad be partially responsible for extraciricular activities? Who decides what the activites will be and how many the child will participate in. Can these activites happen on dads time? If so, to what extent? Who will provide insurance? Also insurance situations change, so add to the aggreement that you share medical/dental/specialist costs that are not covered by insurance. Do you have final say in child's medical care? Who will take the child to dr. appointments? (It is easier if one parent does that, but I would offer to let him attend so that he can stay involved.) Babysitting: right of first refusal. If he needs a sitter because he is called into work, you should be offered to watch the child first. That will keep him from leaving the child with new girlfriends or other people you don't approve of.  I would also include carseat requirments. I know several NCP's who don't put their kids in proper seats. Hope that helps.

ps. I know that seems like a lot, but trust me, the more detailed it is, the less problems you will have down the line. That will make it lest stressful not only for you and your ex, but also for the child. Because he will know what to expect.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THIS INFORMATION I WASNT AWARE THAT I NEEDED TO ADD ALL OF THAT DETAIL BUT IT MAKES SENSE OUR GREAT RELATIONSHIP IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE SOUR SO I WANT THIS AGREEMENT IN PLACE



I am writing the agreement as if I will be staying in New York so as to not have any problems if I want to move. But I like the idea of creating an agreement in an agreement. I definitely will create one for when I am there & will put a provision that will not limit me if I want to move somewhere else (especially because I have a feeling that this move will be short but I am willing to try)

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:17 PM
DO NOT MOVE away from your support system.
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:20 PM
Another thing to consider is transport. Meet halfway? Receiving parent transports?
kgsharber
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Yikes! This has trouble written all over it. All he has to do to keep you from being able to moveback after the year is up is prove that it is better for the child that you stay in his city. If he creates a strong history of visiting her, and proves that the child is attached to him & you moving back to where you were would hinder his relationship with the child, you will have a hard time getting a judge to okay you returning to where you're at. I wouldn't do it. No way.

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