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Abortion (UPDATE)

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:52 PM
  • 17 Replies
2 moms liked this

PREVIOUS POST: Hey ladies. So I am far in my pregnancy I'm 26 wks and baby daddy is nuts. He still wants me to abort but of course I'm not doing it. Me and him been having problems and I will be a single mom. He's still trying to convince me to abort more like pressuring me cause he doesn't want this kid and he is leaving out of the country for more than 5 yrs. He just doesn't want to be a father and think the baby wil be a problem. I don't care what he says or thinks yeah he's right I'm young I'm 20 but I won't throw my baby life away. My question is what is the latest you can be to have an abortion? and can't the mother be in risk too? I live in Illinois and no I'm not aborting my baby I'm facing my consequences even though I know it will be hard. I don't want to do something I'll regret later on. * UPDATE: I just want to say thank you so much ladies for your support and help. I been seeing the baby daddy and yesterday and today and I stood up for myself not only for myself but for my baby. I told him I'm not aborting and from your guys help I did told him it was late to abort also which I was also not doing it. I did told him i would prefer adoption but I'm in between cause I also want to keep my baby but i think i can't do it on my own. He thought adoption sounds good but when I told him I want to be a mom too he got mad he doesn't want child support (which i will put him on) and he got mad cause I told him that maybe my kid will have a father some day cause a real man will love me with my baby. He went nuts and said no! he doesn't want some other guy to be with his kid. I still wonder why he got mad and told me that if he doesn't want this baby but also there are times he touches my belly and has asked me if it moves and kicks. I find it weird when he acts like that plus all me and him been doing is arguing ever since we found out I have life inside of me.  Anyways I always been a skinny person and i have a tiny belly. It's becoming noticeable now that finally people have started asking me if I am pregnant. The thing is that my family doesn't know yet and I'm afraid to tell my mom. I know is wrong of me to been keeping it a secret for so long but I don't know how to tell my mom what's going on. I been with this guy 3 yrs and hes leaving next month for more than 5 yrs and I'm pregnant. My mom is gonna kill me.  Thank you so much again for your support and help means a lot! <3

by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:59 PM
1 mom liked this
I am happy you spoke up and have chosen to bring forth a life. Your Mother loves you. Talk to her. She will be your best support.
conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:03 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree. And you should consider adoption if you don't think u can do it on your own. Just because he is ordered to pay child support doesn't mean he will pay it.


Quoting virginiamama71:

I am happy you spoke up and have chosen to bring forth a life. Your Mother loves you. Talk to her. She will be your best support.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
dancingthrulife
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:19 PM

feel better i didnt comment before..i have been there.. i wish i had been as strong as you..all the best mama..

AMY
BF mama to 4...Ivy-Rose 9 Arwinn 7 Lily-Anna 2 and Clara 8 months old. ~~~~~
dawncs
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:44 PM
1 mom liked this

You need to remind him when he gets upset with child support that he chose the possibility of you getting pregnant when he had sex with you. Remind him that there is no full proof method of birth control out there other than not having sex at all. Also tell him that he can't control what a woman wants to do with the pregnancy since it is her body and not his

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 1:16 AM

I am glad you are not aborting. But why are you still talking to this guy?? He is no good and leaving the country for 5 years. Also who do you live with? Do you live with your parents? Please tell them asap that you are pregnant.

In order to get child support you are going to have to establish paternity..and because he is going to be living out of the country you may have trouble doing that. Where is he moving? Many countries have agreements with the U.S, to follow court orders. Also if you go on any sort of government assistance, you are going to have to file support. Whether or not you or the state actually sees any $$$ is anyones guess.

Stop talking to him about this, he is going to be irrelevent in a month. There really is no point in continuing any relationship if he is leaving.

woodstock525
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:17 AM

Did you ever think that the baby daddy is scared too?  Guys don't typically show their fear.  Instead it comes out rough around the edges.  You've been together three years, so I would assume that pregnancy was the farthest thing from his mind.  Were you using birth control?  Was this a birth control fail? 

It sounds like he's going up and down between OMG what the heck am I going to do and how can I get out of this situation and OMG this is a real live baby coming.  Instead of cruicifying him for that, give him a chance to wrap his head around this situation and help you to make some decisions.

If you are not in a position at this time to raise this child and the baby daddy is supportive of the idea, perhaps adoption would be the best option for the child.  This can take many forms.  There are open adoptions out there where you can get regular updates on the child and even see the child on occasion.  It all depends on your situation. 

Personally, if I were a guy and my gf were considering adoption, I think I would be much more okay with my child being adopted and going to two loving parents than the idea that I will be gone for five years and in that time you will keep my child and allow another guy to come in and play daddy to my kid.  Why is he going away?

ashpeemuhree
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 8:28 AM
When I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend of 3 years wasn't for it either. He kinda steered away from me after a few months I was 20 aswell. And I had quit my job moved back home had nothing going for me but this child I probably couldn't give a good life. He tries to get me to have a abortion I even contemplated adoption but I just couldn't. I was alone my pregnancy but when I was 7 months I met a great guy who took my son in like he was his. Never questions anything, nor tells people that isn't his kid! Yes its hard and I won't lie. But struggle leads to success. My son is now 5 months & his real father has absolutely nothi g to do with him. After the struggles I went threw I now have a great job, beautiful apt & amazing bf. You can do it!! Its tough, sad & hard but anything is possible once you set your mind to it! Goodluck & don't give up ♡
Smileyneni
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:40 PM

He is scared his parents well mostly his dad told him that if he has a child at his age he will dis own him. Although he is 23 but his dad is an ass sorry to say that. He told him that he will be cut off. He texted me today that all he been doing is crying because he's scared. And no I wasn't on birth control. And he did got mad cause I'm between on wanting to keep this and he got mad cause I did told him that maybe some day I will find a man who will not only love me but also this baby. He got mad and I told him "now your telling me I can't have a relationship." His answer was.. "And have another guy be with my kid?No!" So that's what I'm confuse about. And he's leaving because he's going to work he signed a contract so he needs to leave.


Quoting woodstock525:

Did you ever think that the baby daddy is scared too?  Guys don't typically show their fear.  Instead it comes out rough around the edges.  You've been together three years, so I would assume that pregnancy was the farthest thing from his mind.  Were you using birth control?  Was this a birth control fail? 

It sounds like he's going up and down between OMG what the heck am I going to do and how can I get out of this situation and OMG this is a real live baby coming.  Instead of cruicifying him for that, give him a chance to wrap his head around this situation and help you to make some decisions.

If you are not in a position at this time to raise this child and the baby daddy is supportive of the idea, perhaps adoption would be the best option for the child.  This can take many forms.  There are open adoptions out there where you can get regular updates on the child and even see the child on occasion.  It all depends on your situation. 

Personally, if I were a guy and my gf were considering adoption, I think I would be much more okay with my child being adopted and going to two loving parents than the idea that I will be gone for five years and in that time you will keep my child and allow another guy to come in and play daddy to my kid.  Why is he going away?



Smileyneni
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:45 PM

Were still talking because he's the one who takes me to the doctor since my parents and his parents don't know yet. Well none of our family and he said he doesn't want to stop talking to me he wants to show that he cares and wants to solve this which he knows that abortion is a no now and he want me to put the baby to adoption. Yes I live with my parents. And he's living for a job he's moving to dubai. I know I shouldn't talk to him and I'm thinking if I keep this baby and not put it to adoption  I probably won't want anyting to do with him.


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I am glad you are not aborting. But why are you still talking to this guy?? He is no good and leaving the country for 5 years. Also who do you live with? Do you live with your parents? Please tell them asap that you are pregnant.

In order to get child support you are going to have to establish paternity..and because he is going to be living out of the country you may have trouble doing that. Where is he moving? Many countries have agreements with the U.S, to follow court orders. Also if you go on any sort of government assistance, you are going to have to file support. Whether or not you or the state actually sees any $$$ is anyones guess.

Stop talking to him about this, he is going to be irrelevent in a month. There really is no point in continuing any relationship if he is leaving.



chirpymama87
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:05 PM
Your mom is going to help you.
Trust me.
It's instinctual to be there than abandon.
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