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Any advice?

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 3:39 PM
  • 9 Replies

I need some advice on my relationship. i have been single for about 2 years and recently my best friend who happens to be a male started going through a divorce. He and I have known eachother for about 22 years now and he has always had a thing for me. Well once he told his wife he wanted a divorce we started hanging out more as she was always jealous and didn't allow us to hang out. Well eventually things became romantic and we fell head over heels for eachother. I know he loves me and I love him but here's the problem...

His soon to be ex wife calls him constintly throughout the day. She always questions him on where he is, what hes doing, who he's doing it with and etc. She also keeps tabs on his bank account and calls as soon as a new transaction appears to question him on the missing money. I tell him constintly he doesn't need to answer her calls or explain anything to her as they are getting the divorce yet he answers her and he argues with her and he still plays her games. His excuse is that they have kids together and he doesnt hate her he just doesn't love her anymore which yes I understand that but when he hides our relationship from her and let's her still control him I get frustrated and we then argue. I try to explain to him that just because they have kids together doesn't mean anything. She needs to let him go as he has told her he was done. I too have 2 children with a guy other than him and I walked away and wippedmy hands clean of him and my unhappiness to make a better life for my children so I often throw my experience out there as well but he just won"t tell her to back off and he is still hiding our relationship from her. I need advice on what I should do as I am so lost, I have explained to him my feelings several times and he doesn't get it.

Any advice?

by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 3:39 PM
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Replies (1-9):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jun. 20, 2013 at 3:48 PM

 Sounds like he is not ready for a relationship, is afraid of her and maybe it's best to wait until he has a divorce before being in a serious relationship.

Than even after divorce if she is controlling now she may get worse later.

brittybby2010
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 4:18 PM

He's definitely not ready. If he can't just ignore her calls and hides you from her, he possibly doesn't want to fully let go just yet.

ralea1486
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 4:28 PM
That's what I've been thinking. Thank you
lnrmom
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:01 PM
1 mom liked this

He hasn't let go. He needs to block her from his account, and tell her that if she isn't calling about the kids, she needs to not call.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:18 PM
This is an example of why its not good idea to date dudes who are recently split. He's still entangled w her
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:30 PM
Stay friends and maybe in the future he will be but he needs to be ready or it's not going to work
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
woodstock525
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 10:36 PM

He obviously isn't comfortable with your relationship and he is still married.  If he were to tell his stbx about you, it could hurt him in the divorce situation and she might become vindictive and keep him from his kids. 

I'm assuming here that he does not have custody of his kids and wants to keep his kids in his life.  So, unlike you, he can't just cross his baby mama and his kids out of his life and start over with you.  If I were you, I would back off and tell him that you care for him, but he needs to take care of his divorce and his business before considering a relationship with you.

If the relationship does work out for you two in the future, you need to realize that his ex and his kids will probably always be a part of your lives.  It can either bring you together or split you apart.  If his ex is this controlling now, just think what she'll be like when he tries to introduce you and have you be around her kids.

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 4:06 PM

It doesn't sound like he's ready or fully wants to move on. The first thing I'd suggest is that if its his bank account he stops letting her have access to it, even if all she can do is watch it!

Bero2007
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 4:11 PM

I think you should let him handle it how he needs to handle it. Everyone handles it a different way and they are trying to figure theirs out. I would be pretty pissed if my ex's new gf was telling him how to handle our divorce.

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