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Single moms that didn't gave their baby to adoption I NEED YOUR HELP!

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:18 PM
  • 67 Replies

Hey single moms! :) I know some of you have seen my other posts and know what I'm going through.

So I am in between of puting my baby to adoption and wanting to keep this baby. Baby daddy wants to put this baby to adoption because he won't be around and he's leaving the country for 5 or more years for a job. Plus he doesn't want this kid. And I sometimes think it's the best choice since I'll be alone and I know it won't be easy and all me and this baby daddy been doing is arguing and I think I can't give this baby the life it needs. And all my baby daddy do is thinks about himself and I even told him. He doesn't want to be a father he's afraid of his parents and what people will say and all the drama and family drama. But he gets mad because I also want to keep this baby and for once I want to be proud of myself for doing something right. I want to prove him wrong because when i tell him I'll be a single mother he brings up all these negative things on me. And i know it kills him to think that some day a guy might come in my life and accept me and this child and he's mad that this guy will be with his kid. My mom doesn't know I'm pregnant and doesn't know I been thinking of adoption although I'm not sure yet. I am far I'm 27 wks and I have always been a skinny tiny girl so I'm finally starting to show and I know I have to tell her soon is just that I'm afraid how my family will react. So far one of my cousin told me that if I give my baby to adoption she won't talk to me again. Because this baby is a blessing and I never know that if in the future i can have kids again since I have endometiosis and ovarian cyst problems. And I do kinda agree with her. I sometimes feel if I give my baby to adoption is like I'm off the hook problem  solve. And that it makes me weak and baby daddy will be happy that I agreed with him. I know I'm young i'm 20 yrs old and I know being a single mom will be hard but I don't know if I can give this baby for open adoption. I love kids and I'm afraid that once I hold this baby in my arms for the first time I won't want to let him/her go.

Why didn't you gave your baby to adoption? And are you happy you didn't? How are things now? How did your family take all this?

Thank you!

by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
brittybby2010
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:26 PM
4 moms liked this

I kept mine. Despite it being hard, the love I have for my daughter is the strongest love I've ever felt. You don't realize how much you love them until you have them. It's hard, but entirely worth it. 

mom2priceboys
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 7:02 PM

 I am adopted and gratefull that my very young parents gave me up. however, when I found myself single and pregnant, while I looked into adoption, I kept my baby. truthfully, once his dad saw him, he was more bonded than I was!!!

CrystalYaris
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 7:11 PM
1 mom liked this

I didn't give my son up knowing that it would hard. Especially knowing my son's father wouldn't be around. I just wanted to be a mom so bad when I was married to my exhusband, but I never got the chance. I was heart broken after having a miscarriage. Three months after we separated, I met someone and got pregnant. My son is the greatest gift in my life and he saved me from so much pain I was going through at the time. More than people can even imagine.

ralea1486
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 7:22 PM
1 mom liked this
I kept both of mine, like you my boyfriend at the time didn't want me to keep my daughter and youngest but I found it very unfair that I would keep one and not the other. I am very thankful I kept both of mine they have changed my life and have shown me unconditional love. Their father is not on the picture and hasnt been since the day my daughter was born almost 3 years ago and it has been a struggle I wont lie. Somedays I find myself breaking down but in the end I am stronger for doing it. Your baby is a blessing and as long as you do the best job you can and be proud of the job youre doing you and the baby will be fine. There is no perfect mother we have all and will continue to make mistakes but thats part of being human.
Bookoholic
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:05 PM
1 mom liked this
You have told your parents? Being a single mom is hard but if your parents aren't on board it could be much harder.
first off my mom wanted me to keep my son I didn't want him, I was going to do open adoption but my mom would filed for custody and Ds would still be here but id be off the hook. I still can be I choose not to be.

secondly once you have told your parents you might be able to make this decision much easier. Ask you cousin to come with you since she already knows

thirdly if you want to keep baby so badly just do it, stop worrying about what the baby daddy will do. The baby causes drama how? There's a lot that can be done to help not cause drama.

hope this helps
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:37 PM
It is not easy your life is never the same what is best for the child. Adoption is an amazing option there are so many loving families that can't have their own.
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Robsessed98
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:53 PM
4 moms liked this
Adoption is the ultimate selfLESS thing a woman can ever do if she can't provide for her child. Do not let the father or anyone else pressure or influence your decision in any way. This is a decision only you can make. You do need to tell your family asap though bc they might be the key in making the decision. If you're religious, pray and go get counsel from your pastor. Adoption agencies also have counseling available to help you decide. Just remember you need to do what is best for the baby first and you second. ((hugs))
Baby5678
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:13 PM

I wish I could tell you the right decision but it's your choice. I was in a difficult situation and am a single mom of a beautiful 18 month old baby girl. I love her with all my heart and could never imagine being without her. You sound like you need to find the right headspace. All the variable you mention involve other people and what they would think and what they would do. I really think therapy or counselling would help you make your decision. There are also often single mom groups...if you dont find one, you can always create one on meetup, if not now then later for support if you do decide to go ahead with it. I love being a single mom and am super glad it turned out this way! 

Kenzie_2
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:49 PM

I was 16 when I got pregnant, 17 when I had him. I thought about adoption, went to a few classes/group therapy type things and talked to girls who gave up their children. I decided that it wasn't for me. I am sooo happy I have him in my life. When I was 18 I married a man that was not his father. Sadly I am now divorced but had two more beautiful children in my marriage and just had my fourth with my fiance. I was a single mother of three kids for 4 years. I graduated high school, worked full time and I'm now in college. You learn how to do it all and then some. People always ask me how I do it and I don't really know! You just do. I would never change my decision.

Belovedmoonpixi
by Bronze Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 12:28 AM
1 mom liked this
Darling, if he doesn´t want to be a father, is afraid of his parents and what people will say, he shouldn´t be having sex. Having said that... I kept my baby, but I was 29 years old and had a very good job when I got pregnant. It is difficult, but not impossible. Also, I am adopted, and I give thanks everyday for the parents that gave me up so I could have a better life, and for the parents that raised me and loved me as their own. I know my answer might not be helpful for you at this moment, but, I guess what I´m trying to say is that only YOU know what the right decision is in your situation. Just one more thing: if you give up the baby, be sure it´s because YOU want to give up the baby because YOU think and feel it´s in your baby´s best interest, and not just because you´re being pressured to do it. ((hugs))
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