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I don't know why I feel this way (very long)

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 11:25 AM
  • 10 Replies
I'm 29 and I have an 11 month old daughter, her father and I have known each other off and on since 2004. The minute I found out I was pregnant I told him via text message since he didn't answer when I called. I was out of state when I found out. He was completely livid saying we can't have a child together and how he pays all this money in CS for his daughter. That was Veterans Day 2011 I didn't hear from him again until Super Bowl Sunday 2012. I had decided on my own to keep the baby and just do what I had to. I work for the Government and am in the Army reserves. If I needed it I had my family so I was good.

Well when he came around in feb 2012 he asked all kinds of questions asked was I keeping the baby out of spite, hoped it was a boy( already found out it was a girl) and wanted the baby to have his name. He had agreed to meet me at my next appt. 2 days later he text me saying that he wasn't gonna go to any appointments and that I needed to get a DNA test for his sanity..I told him fine in June I will let you know when she was born. He got mad and started fussing and cursing at me saying there is a test that could be done now cause Down syndrome runs in his family and its his life too and just cause we slept together it didn't mean the baby was his. I was getting stressed and worked up so I just told him to leave me alone. Fast forward to 27 days before my due date he reaches out to me via twitter and says he wants to be there for his child. He came out to my moms house talked to me apologized said he would do all this stuff but I needed to bear with him so he could find a balance between my daughter and his other daughter.


His family had me over to dinner the following week cause they had just found out I was even pregnant. Things seemed to be going well. He was there when she was born signed l the documents saying he is the father. I got offered a job 2 weeks after my delivery for a job in Orlando with the VA hospital. Due to the fact that they wouldn't work with me on my start date and my baby was so young I declined the job. I had told her father about the job and he was happy and said we would have to take him to Disney. I lived in Florida before so he knew I was trying to go back with the lower cost of living and the family support I have. Well my Dd was born June 29 by August 12t dd father changed and became a jerk to me. I still don't know what I did wrong. He was acting strange I asked was he ok and he blew up and just started saying I was a sensitive a$$ b*tch and all this crazy stuff.

When I first had the baby i lived about 35 min from him but I got offered a job on Aberdeen proving grounds and ended up moving 5 min away from him. So he was really close to us he would come to my house to see her about once a week or every other week. He claimed that if we lived closer he would see her every day. But that didn't happen..so in August after the blow up I just stopped communicating with him. He would say he was coming to see her and then never show. September rolls around and he asks to see dd and I said sure you can come over. He said he didn't want to he wanted to pick her up. Now she was only 2.5 months old and he barely was around her. He didn't know her health issues and I wanted him to be consistent so he could recognize the signs. He cussed me out again saying if he can't come pick her up she won't know her dad and he doesn't care cause he never wanted her in the first place. I have proof of this in his emails and texts.

So another month goes by and he asks again to get her and this time I agree for 2 hours since she was doing better. The next time he sees her for 30 min on Halloween to give me the 2nd box of diapers and formula he has ever provided in her life. She didn't see him again until Christmas Eve he brought her some toys. He contacted me at the end of January asking If dd could spend the day with him from 8am-8pm and I told him that was too long so let's do 12-4. At 11:55 am the day he was supposed to get her he texts me saying he got toooo drunk last night and he sends the pic with him and the cup. So he didn't show. Valentines day he comes over with a card for me and a buildabear for dd. she screams bloody murder when he tries to hold her.

He started asking if she could come over and I would agree for a few hours each visit. She went about 4 or 5 times from February -June. He has also come to my house one or two times. He has never paid child support or given me any money for her but whenever he asked to get her if i wasnt already busy i would let him. he always asked same day or late the night before.

I just recently moved to Florida, I got a job when I told him he wasn't surprised was a little sad we left before her 1st bday but it was cool. He asked if Caira could stay the night with him. I told him I would think about it but couldn't make a promise.

We have no custody agreement and I was really scared that he might not have given her back .

I was very worried how i was going to pay rent , daycare, etc with the sequester and 11 week upcoming furlough. I've never asked her dad for anything although he asked me for $1700 cause his car got repo'd and he says he got laid off. I didn't wish him a happy Father's Day but I did send him am ecard from our dd and a Father's Day photo frame of him and her.

But he texts me and says thanks for wishing me a happy Father's Day, thanks for letting dd spend time and stay the night oh yeah and thanks for moving to Florida... All sarcasm... I wondered where that was coming from and he said someone was not twitter saying he is a dead beat dad. I guess he got upset but why should I feel bad. I'm doing the best I can with no support from him and I can't rely on him... I'd still be waiting on things my daughter needs that he said he would provide.. He told me that I never made it easy for him
To see our daughter...

We lived 5 min from each other..so I don't know why he is saying that. When he was working he didn't provide now that he isn't he still can afford to go to AC, buy an iPhone 5 and go to clubs and drink but you can't see your daughter or provide? He says he didn't come see her before we left cause he couldn't handle it.

The attorney I saw before I left said to file everything here in Florida..I'm technically a Florida resident. My car, voter registration and drivers license has been Florida since 2007. I want to add that I'm not trying to keep her from him I have already planned 2 trips back to md so that him and his family can see dd. and he said he would come here I just want to know why I feel bad when deep down I know I'm not doing anything wrong...
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 11:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 2:47 PM

This guy makes nothing but excuses. Do not give him a dime. You have a child to support. please file for child support as you are entitled to it. Honestly I would just stop talking to him. Find an address for him so you can hve him served with support. Offer to set up supervised visits but he must show for his visits. eventually he can ask for unsupervised but that is a ways off since he has been so flakey up until now.

Keep contact at a minimum. Dont lt him talk to you about anything money related. The courts will handle it and he pays what they say he pays.

If you are not living in Florida then you file where you live, providing you meet the jurisdiction requirements, most states it is 6 months. Some are a year. It sounds like you are in FL but your post is one big block of text, its easier to read if broken up into paragraphs :)

 

Good luck

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 3:25 PM

Hugs!

Cairasmom629
by Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 6:29 PM
Yeah I am in Florida now... I was in Maryland and he is still there . I should have broken it up I was typing on my phone. Thanks for the advice
Cairasmom629
by Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 6:36 PM
Thank you for your advice , I also fixed the post was typing on my phone!


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

This guy makes nothing but excuses. Do not give him a dime. You have a child to support. please file for child support as you are entitled to it. Honestly I would just stop talking to him. Find an address for him so you can hve him served with support. Offer to set up supervised visits but he must show for his visits. eventually he can ask for unsupervised but that is a ways off since he has been so flakey up until now.


Keep contact at a minimum. Dont lt him talk to you about anything money related. The courts will handle it and he pays what they say he pays.


If you are not living in Florida then you file where you live, providing you meet the jurisdiction requirements, most states it is 6 months. Some are a year. It sounds like you are in FL but your post is one big block of text, its easier to read if broken up into paragraphs :)


 


Good luck


Robsessed98
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 7:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Quit giving him the power to screw you around. File for custody and support and in the meantime let him know in writing he can come visit at your place or you can supervise visits where he lives (not in his house though) until the judge makes his order.
woodstock525
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 9:45 PM

If nothing else, you really need to file for custody.  If you don't, there is absolutely nothing to stop him from filing for custody in Maryland and nothing to prevent him from signing her out of daycare or taking custody of her himself. 

Cairasmom629
by Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 8:43 AM
He could've signed her out of daycare when we lived in Maryland but he didn't even know the daycare was right across the street and never even asked which one it was... And he could have also filed for custody I don't put it past him at all and so that is why I'm filing where in I live now...


Quoting woodstock525:

If nothing else, you really need to file for custody.  If you don't, there is absolutely nothing to stop him from filing for custody in Maryland and nothing to prevent him from signing her out of daycare or taking custody of her himself. 


LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 22, 2013 at 9:46 AM

I'm sorry you had to go through this.  It'll bite him in the ass eventually it's his loss.  Your attorney knows best document document document

stillstandin246
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Us women have alot of mama guilt and "what if" thoughts. What if I'm keeping her from her dad, what if he's really sincere this time. But he's proven he's not. He's an irresponsible child so just do what u have to do for u and your child. You've given him more than the benefit of the doubt.
Cairasmom629
by Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:29 PM
1 mom liked this
THANK YOU!!!!


Quoting stillstandin246:

Us women have alot of mama guilt and "what if" thoughts. What if I'm keeping her from her dad, what if he's really sincere this time. But he's proven he's not. He's an irresponsible child so just do what u have to do for u and your child. You've given him more than the benefit of the doubt.

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