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Birth certificate/name drama

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:54 PM
  • 62 Replies
So I've been talking to my ex (baby's father) and while he had been at almost every dr app so far (2 outta 3 hardly a record) he still doesn't want his name on the birth certificate until after a paternity test which he says is "for the military" so the baby will go on his insurance. My thoughts on this are if you know it's yours (which he SAYS he does with out a doubt) then why can't you put your name on the bc??

My counter to this is my baby is leaving the hospital with a last name and I'm not changing it. If his name isn't on the birth certificate she gets my name.

Is tht too harsh? Should I wait for a paternity test then award his last name? I also know that as long as his name is on the bc the military will honor the baby as his child and they do not need a paternity test. So I think it's just an excuse, which he's full of.
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 10:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
vbway
by Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 11:50 PM
3 moms liked this
If you know it is definitely his, I say give him the fathers name. I am not familiar with the military but if it makes it easier, just do it. You are the mother and you can give him any name you like. Sounds like he is trying to put up a road block to delay cs payments or something. As far as you saying that you won't give the baby his name, if you don't do it at the hospital, you may not have that choice. He could petition the court and they could force you to then hyphenate the child's last name. It just sounds odd that he doesn't want the baby to have his name. Most men insist that the baby be given their last name. Sounds like he doubts you more than you think.
xoch86
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:10 AM
4 moms liked this

I say stick to ur plan. If he doesn't sign the birth certificate, the baby takes your last name. Period. If he has any doubts, then the baby doesn't have to have his last name.. Once he has his proof, he can petition to get that changed if he so chooses, but it will all be financially on him.

SAMI_JO
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:22 AM
3 moms liked this

 I still wouldn't give the baby his name. If he is not man enough to claim the baby from now to forever, then he doesn't deserve to have anything to do with her/him. Even if it comes back that the baby is his, if it wasn't a requirement for the baby to have his name to be on insurance, I definately would not change it.

KayyCeeJayy
by Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:23 AM
2 moms liked this

 just like the other moms, if you know the baby is his and so does he, there's no need to go through all of that. He's just being an ass. If he doesn't want anything on the certificate until a paternity test which he know will come out as his, he's being unnecessarily difficult and you shouldn't have to switch your schedule/plans just to make him happy.

woodstock525
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:38 AM
4 moms liked this

I disagree totally.  If you're not married (where the courts view the child as legally if not biologically his) there is no way a man knows for sure that the child is his.  Since you're not married, you need to not be offended that he would ask for a DNA test to protect not only himself, but the child as well. 

There have been way too many men saddled with responsibility for kids that aren't theirs by mom's who are just out to get a child support check.  And, I hate to say this but military members tend to be targeted for this kind of thing.  They're an easy target because you can just about guarantee that you'll get a good child support check and good benefits out of the sucker. 

If I were a single guy and someone I dated got pregnant, I would insist on a DNA test to prove the child was mine.  Once a man puts his name on the birth certificate, the courts almost never reverse that even if a DNA test later proves that the child is not his and the real biodad is identified.  There are guys out there paying child support for kids that have been proven to not be theirs which is a true travesty.  When the truth comes out, these guys are not only stuck paying for a child that isn't theirs for 18 years, but at that point usually the mother doesn't want the guy to have anything at all to do with the child.  They sure don't mind conitnuing to collect the child support from them, but don't want the non-dad to have a relationship with the child they are financially supporting.

That said, if you choose to give the child your last name and then he is proven to be the biodad, he can go to court and not only have the child's name legally changed, but get visitation rights too.  Don't forget he's active duty military, so when he gets stationed somewhere else, if you aren't in a relationship with him any more, your child will be going to see dad wherever he's stationed...probably spending summers and alternating spring/winter breaks with dad.  You can't just write him out of the equation when you move on to the next guy.

chirpymama87
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:40 AM
Exactly this.
I did!


Quoting vbway:

If you know it is definitely his, I say give him the fathers name. I am not familiar with the military but if it makes it easier, just do it. You are the mother and you can give him any name you like. Sounds like he is trying to put up a road block to delay cs payments or something.
As far as you saying that you won't give the baby his name, if you don't do it at the hospital, you may not have that choice. He could petition the court and they could force you to then hyphenate the child's last name.
It just sounds odd that he doesn't want the baby to have his name. Most men insist that the baby be given their last name. Sounds like he doubts you more than you think.
kris10leighc
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 3:31 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't think being married guarantees that a child would be the mans. So maybe all men all the time should have paternity tests.

I never said I was writing him out. He wants the baby to have his last name. If his names not on the birth cert when we leave then I can't just give the baby a last name. He says the birth certificate can wait. Yes for him to sign it, but I do claim my child and the baby will leave the hospital with a FULL name.


Quoting woodstock525:

I disagree totally.  If you're not married (where the courts view the child as legally if not biologically his) there is no way a man knows for sure that the child is his.  Since you're not married, you need to not be offended that he would ask for a DNA test to protect not only himself, but the child as well. 

There have been way too many men saddled with responsibility for kids that aren't theirs by mom's who are just out to get a child support check.  And, I hate to say this but military members tend to be targeted for this kind of thing.  They're an easy target because you can just about guarantee that you'll get a good child support check and good benefits out of the sucker. 

If I were a single guy and someone I dated got pregnant, I would insist on a DNA test to prove the child was mine.  Once a man puts his name on the birth certificate, the courts almost never reverse that even if a DNA test later proves that the child is not his and the real biodad is identified.  There are guys out there paying child support for kids that have been proven to not be theirs which is a true travesty.  When the truth comes out, these guys are not only stuck paying for a child that isn't theirs for 18 years, but at that point usually the mother doesn't want the guy to have anything at all to do with the child.  They sure don't mind conitnuing to collect the child support from them, but don't want the non-dad to have a relationship with the child they are financially supporting.

That said, if you choose to give the child your last name and then he is proven to be the biodad, he can go to court and not only have the child's name legally changed, but get visitation rights too.  Don't forget he's active duty military, so when he gets stationed somewhere else, if you aren't in a relationship with him any more, your child will be going to see dad wherever he's stationed...probably spending summers and alternating spring/winter breaks with dad.  You can't just write him out of the equation when you move on to the next guy.


kris10leighc
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 3:35 AM
He does want the baby to have his last name. That's where the conflict is. I want the baby to have a full name when leaving the hospital. . Basically he thinks the baby just won't have a last name until he gets around being here and getting a paternity test.

I don't have the right to give my child a random last name. So it'll leave with mine. Besides if he doubts so much (when he was the only one messin around in this relationship) then he shouldn't want a child, that in his eyes, could in fact not be his to have his last name.


Quoting vbway:

If you know it is definitely his, I say give him the fathers name. I am not familiar with the military but if it makes it easier, just do it. You are the mother and you can give him any name you like. Sounds like he is trying to put up a road block to delay cs payments or something.
As far as you saying that you won't give the baby his name, if you don't do it at the hospital, you may not have that choice. He could petition the court and they could force you to then hyphenate the child's last name.
It just sounds odd that he doesn't want the baby to have his name. Most men insist that the baby be given their last name. Sounds like he doubts you more than you think.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 8:06 AM

I agree with VB, if you know for sure that the child is his then give the baby dad's last name or hyphenate it with yours. There is no point in fighting a paterntiy test, its dad's right, obviously the child is yours. :)


LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 22, 2013 at 9:47 AM

Give him your last name.  It will be easier in the long run. As for the BC he's been there he plans on being there put him on he is dad. 

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