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Give my baby his last name or not?

Posted by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 8:15 PM
  • 8 Replies

So I am about 6.5 months pregnant and have been struggling with whether or not I should give my baby her father's last name and have him sign the birth certificate. I have heard many mixed opinions on this and I am looking at meeting with a family lawyer just to make sure I know my rights.

Her father and I are not together but we are friendly and trying to coparent. It was a little rocky right when I first found out I was pregnant but he has expressed that he really wants to be there for me and her and so far has been there for some of the doctors appointments and we have talked about when she is born and how he is going to be part of her life physically and financially. So far he has been very supportive and by my side.  I would like to believe that he will always be there and be an amazing father to her but I am somewhat guarded and want to make sure I am protecting my daughter in case he decides to split.

The reason I am a little hesitant is because her father and I did not really know each other for very long before I got pregnant (a mistake i will need to live with so no need to judge). I just want to make sure I have full custody of her and in case he turns out to be a deadbeat he cant just take her and (maybe I am paranoid) leave with her and me not see her (he is not originally from this country) or if he happens to go back to his country on his own, how will i get a passport for her or do certain things I need to as I may not be able to easily contact him for permission.

Any suggestions? What have been your experiences?

by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 8:15 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Robsessed98
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 9:16 PM
Having his name won't give him any more rights to the baby. You need to make custody and visitations, as well as child support, legal through the court as soon as possible after the birth though.
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:54 AM

Truthfully I would give the child your last name.  If you want hyphenate but put his second.

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 3:09 PM

Welcome to the group!

When I was a young mom, I did choose to give my son his dad's last name and I'm glad I did.  I married another man later and it was nice that my son still had one of his parent's names.

MIMIBRIE
by Jayme on Jun. 23, 2013 at 4:11 PM

 Ive done it both ways. As my kids are older I am being referred to as Ms. Exs last name and I dont like it. My youngest was given my last name and I like it. Granted her father is MIA so in the event that I marry it wouldnt be a hassle to change both of our last names. Its got its pros and cons..

queenb87
by Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 4:18 PM
I'm in tghe exact same situation as you. I'm do confused on what I should do especially regarding the birth certificate.
JenUsf422
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:59 PM
Thank you all! I appreciate the advice for sure. What about any issues with passports or registering for school and stuff? Thoughts?
JenUsf422
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 6:08 PM
I am so glad i am nit the only one. This has been very hard bc he has been there so far but i am just afraid he could walk away or move back to where he is from. I am getting a lot of mixe opinions and have no idea what is right . Feel free to message me anytime if you ever want to chat :)


Quoting queenb87:

I'm in tghe exact same situation as you. I'm do confused on what I should do especially regarding the birth certificate.

Kazmira222
by Bronze Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 6:28 PM
My ex and I were on ok terms until my son was born. He wanted ds to have his last name and he was very stern about it. I ended up hyphenating it but with my name for the last. As much as he said he'd be involved I haven't seen him in 5 months. He never signed the BC, so as far as everything goes, ds doesn't have a daddy. And I'm glad I did what I did.
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