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Custody

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 9:47 PM
  • 14 Replies
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My daughter is two and her father has never seen her, or shown any real interest but he does pay child support every month. He claims he plans to seek legal custody at some point which I think he says just to scare me, but say he does seek custody at some point can anyone tell mehow much he'd get given shes already two and hes never seen her? He also lives on the other side of the country, over 2,000 miles away so anyone that has info on that type of custody I'd appreciate any information from as well.

I'm really hoping that if he seeks custody/visitation that he certainly wont be given "custody" right away, that he will only be given visitation and that I'm allowed to ask that it be supervised.

Has anyone been through a situation with the father seeking custody years later? How did it turn out?

by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 9:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
victoriangavin
by Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:00 PM
Don't ASK for it to be supervised MAKE SURE it is supervised. Blood or not he is a stranger to her and make sure the courts know they have never met. No he will not just be handed custody
vicki1218
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:00 PM
The judge will/should always do what's in the best interest of the child. That being said supervised visitation should be the first step. Followed by visitation. I'm not 100% how they will handle the distance factor. However the longer he waits to seek any type of visitation the worse it looks on his behalf which is better for you.. my son is 18m and his father hasn't seen him since he was 3 months. My situation is different because my sons father is in jail but he will only ever be allowed supervised visitation should he ever try.
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vicki1218
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:01 PM
^best of luck to you and your little girl.
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MIMIBRIE
by Jayme on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:43 PM

 I have not. But frankly two years mia and then thinks he will be grated legal custody hes crazy. He has to prove you are unfit first. And it wont look good on his behalf that he hasnt seen his own child in 2 years. I wouldnt worry about it till he actually does something. Seems like hes just saying it to intimidate you. IF you are worried about it speak to attorney. Most do free consultations.

woodstock525
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:22 AM

In this situation, depending on the age of your child when he seeks custody/visitation, it is very likely since he has regularly supported the child that he will be granted some type of visitation.  At first, for him to get to know the child, it may be supervised (though judges are increasingly reluctant to let the biomom or her relatives provide the supervision due to their bias).  But, it could progress to the point where since he is so far away that he would get summer visitation and then every other winter/spring break. 

I wouldn't concern yourself unless and until you hear something from him.  He may just be blowing smoke.  But, I would caution you against introducing your child to any new man in your life or having the child call any new man in your life dad.  Courts are starting to really crack down on parents who do that as they more seriously look at cases of PAS.

massconfusion14
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 10:07 AM

Since you live so far away, I have no idea what they would do but my friend had to do that when her childs father was only across town. They did visits for a few hours on Saturdays and graduated to every other weekend. It started with the parents meeting somewhere and Mom staying while Dad plays with baby (at a park). That went on for 4 weeks then they went to Mom dropping baby off for 4 hours - that went on for 4 weeks. Then it went to 8 hour visit for 2 weeks then he got the baby for an entire weekend. Oh and when I say baby, she was 2 1/2.

ElfArmy
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 10:35 AM

That was a pretty assumption response, honestly.

PAS may be fine and well in some situations and in those, I feel bad for the party but him not seeing our daughter has nothing to do with me. For you to just instantly jump into using that in a response is more than presumptuous. Beyond that, youre also implying i should never be with anyone else or let my daughter have an actual father since hers doesnt want to. Lol okay, sure. I guarantee you that no judge is going to find it my fault he hasn't seen her, or be upset that someone HAS stepped up to the plate and been a consistent part of her life from the time she was 6 months old. 


The overall theme of custody and visitation is whats best for the child. You obviously have some personal issues of hour own to bring them to the table when someone is seeking advice and you decide to be presumptuous and rude instead of insightful or helpful, or, the point of this site, supportive. What's best for my daughter is consistency, as for any child her age. Child support does not a good father make, especially when he has no choice as its taken from his paycheck. Yes, he has the "right" to see her but hes had that right since the day she was born and never bothered. So paying child support or not, it is not in a two year olds best interest to be forced to spend time with someone shes never met especially with a total stranger watching. Do you have kids? Do you not get how scary that would be? I know plenty of moms who were allowed to be the supervisor as THAT is whats best for the kid especially at that age. She needs to feel comfortable and she won't around a room full of total strangers. 

woodstock525
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Yes, I have kids.  My son's dad was there for his birth and then didn't bother contacting me until after he turned 3.  At that point, visitation was at my discretion upon 24 hours notice to me.  I introduced my son to his dad and we did a few 'supervised' visits.  Actually, my son was excited to meet him and would not have mind if I had left him with his dad. But after just a couple of those brief visits, his dad wanted every other weekend which I did not agree to and he took me to court.

I refused citing all the excuses you've brought up...consistency, not coming around for three plus years with absolutely no contact, that he didn't know his dad, etc...  The courts did not buy that one bit.  They did agree, only because I had a good lawyer who fought for it, to visits supervised in a counseling center as a start with us splitting the cost.  They did not agree with my supervising or anyone in my family supervising...because the point was for me/my family not to control or micromanage the visits.  He showed up a couple of times and then quit showing...though part of that was due to my son acting up at the time and me not discouraging the behavior...a form of PAS that I admit to.

He tried this again when my son was about 9.  And, given my son's age, instead of supervised visits, we had to meet at the mall where he and his wife spent four hours for a few weeks, then got to take him for a day, and finally overnights.  When they split up and divorced about a year and a half later, the visits stopped again.

I'm just saying that you need to be prepared that this can and does happen.  And, it's a rude awakening when the child that you presume to have total and complete control and decision making over suddenly has to be shared with their bioparent that you have personal history and issues with.

Chloesmom2004
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:50 PM
What's PAS?
ochoa.mama
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:14 PM
I wouldn't worry so much if he lives so far, if it is closer I would worry, my ex didn't see my our sons for 10yrs. Which was weird for my 10 yr old @ first.
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