Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

How would you tell the principal/school? *long*

Posted by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:20 AM
  • 18 Replies

My son has been having a hard time at his school. They've been constantly pressuring me to get him assessed for ADHD, but his pediatrician, developmental pediatrician, a clinical psychologist, and an OT that was hired to work with him by his previous daycare - all say there is NOTHING wrong and there is NO NEED for an assessment because he shows no signs of ADHD. 

The teachers in the afternoon program (Strong Start) have been calling me almost everyday. He's peed himself, he put scissors in his mouth ONCE, he headbutted a little girl and has pushed a kid by accident (which was witnessed by the second grade teacher) - and the principal, Strong Start director and resource teacher all want him to get a "second" opinion, even after my son's seen all of these specialists within the last two months. The thing is too, he's only been in the school since April (long story short - my subsidy for daycare expired, I am currently in summer courses, and the school had 5 other children start the same day as my son), so I just don't feel they are giving him a fair chance.

The principal is pressuring me to hold him back in Kindergarten, but my mom has her masters in Education and says she believes the school is just after special ed dollars and they see an opportunity to get another inclusion worker at their school. She said the school needs to give my son a fair chance. As for kindergarten readiness, he can read and write, and knows basic math. He's been assessed by the developmental pediatrician and has all skills down. 

I enrolled him in a school on Thursday and was told if the principal decides there is room, he will be accepted. I got a call back first thing Friday morning saying he's been accepted and tomorrow, he can go meet the teacher.

This school is bigger, there is more school yard to run around, better playground, more support staff in the school and classroom and is CLEANER. The school he is in right now is small, about 40 staff in total, has a small yard but brand new play structure and is very dirty. The roof in the gym is yellowed and some of the ceiling tiles are pushed in and you can see the dust in the roof, the bathroom door is broken so they just keep it open and when children need the bathroom, a teacher stands by the door.

Anyway, aside from the physical ailments of the school, a few of the staff including the principal, have been pressuring me to get him assessed and assessed and see other people. I've seen everyone they've suggested, and MORE. Even the OT that worked with him says she will be closing his file in AUgust because he doesn't have any needs. The school was always calling me about those incidents which happened in one month. It was like BOOM, BOOM. One after another. Even the OT had said "Instead of calling mom about all the negative, call her about the good". It was so depressing. They have EVERY SINGLE INCIDENT photocopied for me to take to all the appointments where I was supposedly to have him assessed. He's been assessed 4 times and they ALL said the same thing and even called the school on their reports but the school will not shut the fuck up about it. It has been driving me insane.

Anyway. I'm stressed out. I'm taking D to the Open Day tomorrow to meet his teacher and tour the school and talk with the principal, and I reallllllllly like this school. I visited the website, I've talked with the principal in February and she told me to pick a registration form up at the end of June whcih I have done, and she's accepted my son, and said he was the ONLY student out of catchment who applied and she said she is happy to have him.

Should I mention all the stress and pressure I've been feeling at the current school or do you think that will dampen their decision to accept him? I feel like the school wants to label my son, as he is Aboriginal descent, and my parents can't help but feel they are trying to label him with a disability because Aboriginal children are known to have FAS and other disabilities. There is a high rate of women drinking and doing drugs while pregnant and I feel like they think "it's not just ADHD" which is really pissing me off. My aunt had cases there when she worked for CFS and said that the school my son is in are really CFS happy and call for EVERYTHING.

Once I get a feel for the new school, how would I tell the current school I've decided to not have my son attend there in september? They want to hold him back and make him do kindergarten even though all the assessments have stated he has all the basic skills and is ready for grade 1!!! 

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:20 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:27 AM

if he is accepted to the new school just tell the old one he will not be attending in the fall you have made other arrangements for him

i would mention to the new school some things that you are concerned about and how they would handle them

xoch86
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:29 AM
2 moms liked this

Just tell them that u are not going to another specialist, doctor.. Whatever, u are going to trust the people you have already seen, and they don't have to worry about it anymore because he won't be attending their school next year anyway. To be honest, u don't even have to tell them that much, just simply tell them you are working on it, and not worry about to until its time for u to go to the school for the transfer papers

mers-mom
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:31 AM
2 moms liked this
I was a spec ed assoc for three years with a lazy school full of martyrs. I was always on the parents side but found it frustrating enough to leave that line of work that parents (although concerned, and loving) never fully expended their full rights to demand fair treatment and patience for theirchildren. That school is failing your child! Plain and simple your child will forever be agfected by the disciplinary actions, and general respect they are showing ylur son. From the info given your child does not have adhd and if yluchoose to stay you must demand fair treatment and don't leave them to correct themselves. People pit too much trust in public school staff. Abuse happens, and you and your child may never identify itfor what it is. Remind your child daily that he is a special and wonderful little boy capable of amaxing things! Be strong!
Mocking.Jay
by ★Krista★ on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:32 AM

My dad said I could tell the old school that they have made me feel way too much pressure, and I want him to have a fair chance, which he should. And I've TOLD the principal in April I was registering him for grade 1, and did, but yet, she put on the intake meeting "Placement for Fall 2013?" She said at the end of the intake "Well, you get back to me, think about it, we believe it'd be best if he starts fresh all over." She said it was MY decision, yet she still tried to say "Well, we will keep our options open as you are the main decision maker and you can get back to us with your final decision." Fuck, I made my "final" choice back in April!!!

Quoting happymommy1105:

if he is accepted to the new school just tell the old one he will not be attending in the fall you have made other arrangements for him

i would mention to the new school some things that you are concerned about and how they would handle them


Mocking.Jay
by ★Krista★ on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:33 AM

What are transfer papers? I am in Canada.

Quoting xoch86:

Just tell them that u are not going to another specialist, doctor.. Whatever, u are going to trust the people you have already seen, and they don't have to worry about it anymore because he won't be attending their school next year anyway. To be honest, u don't even have to tell them that much, just simply tell them you are working on it, and not worry about to until its time for u to go to the school for the transfer papers


Mocking.Jay
by ★Krista★ on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:34 AM

Everyday, I would ask my son why he did so and so and why he did that and he would say "Because Mrs ___ says I'm bad." or "Because I'm a bad boy". Pissed me straight off.

Quoting mers-mom:

I was a spec ed assoc for three years with a lazy school full of martyrs. I was always on the parents side but found it frustrating enough to leave that line of work that parents (although concerned, and loving) never fully expended their full rights to demand fair treatment and patience for theirchildren. That school is failing your child! Plain and simple your child will forever be agfected by the disciplinary actions, and general respect they are showing ylur son. From the info given your child does not have adhd and if yluchoose to stay you must demand fair treatment and don't leave them to correct themselves. People pit too much trust in public school staff. Abuse happens, and you and your child may never identify itfor what it is. Remind your child daily that he is a special and wonderful little boy capable of amaxing things! Be strong!


mers-mom
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:40 AM
2 moms liked this
I wish more parents had the gumption andtime to sit aday in their childs room. Spend all day with him! Let the teacher know your'e on to her. It is completely within your rights as a parent! This all sounds so accusing and harsh but i promise you teachers and staff treat children amd their rooms likr little kingdoms and can justify ant wrong doings. Dont give them the reins to your childs confidence and future!
xoch86
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:46 AM

Ohhh man... I'd be at that school in a heartbeat threatening with abusencharges. What kind of teacher say that to a child?

poor thing. Let them know that they are wrong, and he is a GODD boy, and give him something snarky to say, like " bad teachers make bad kids" or something like that. They'll call u for sure about that, and I'm sure will call u... And use is as proof because of the nonsense they tell him.


Quoting Mocking.Jay:

Everyday, I would ask my son why he did so and so and why he did that and he would say "Because Mrs ___ says I'm bad." or "Because I'm a bad boy". Pissed me straight off.

Quoting mers-mom:

I was a spec ed assoc for three years with a lazy school full of martyrs. I was always on the parents side but found it frustrating enough to leave that line of work that parents (although concerned, and loving) never fully expended their full rights to demand fair treatment and patience for theirchildren. That school is failing your child! Plain and simple your child will forever be agfected by the disciplinary actions, and general respect they are showing ylur son. From the info given your child does not have adhd and if yluchoose to stay you must demand fair treatment and don't leave them to correct themselves. People pit too much trust in public school staff. Abuse happens, and you and your child may never identify itfor what it is. Remind your child daily that he is a special and wonderful little boy capable of amaxing things! Be strong!




Mocking.Jay
by ★Krista★ on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:58 AM
1 mom liked this
I have observed him three times and I didn't see anything half as bad as what they've reported, and when I dropped in the teacher gave me shit because she said its not a drop in program and I said "I'm not dropping in, I'm coming to observe" and she told me I needed to call ahead. I asked "why? Is there something going on that you're not telling me?" And she says "of course not but it affects the children in the class because its a distraction for them" so that's another reason why I want to withdraw him from september's registration. When you have to CALL to observe your child, something is wrong.

Quoting mers-mom:

I wish more parents had the gumption andtime to sit aday in their childs room. Spend all day with him! Let the teacher know your'e on to her. It is completely within your rights as a parent! This all sounds so accusing and harsh but i promise you teachers and staff treat children amd their rooms likr little kingdoms and can justify ant wrong doings. Dont give them the reins to your childs confidence and future!
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:59 AM
Kinder moving up isn't all about school work readiness but also about emotional readiness. It sounds like this new school is going to be the change he needs
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)