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trying to keep it together

Posted by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:24 AM
  • 19 Replies

Please, please, Please Advise:

@8wks, we're living together, dating for 2 years.  I submitted maternity leave in advance to my employer & was let go 2 weeks later but unable to prove it's linked. 

@12 wks, we fight and ultimately he leaves me and the apt to move 1/4 mi away and takes a dog.  Jobless and unable to afford apt, I re-rent it and move back in with my parents and try to start over.

We went back and forth trying to mend things with counseling etc but just gets worse and he starts going out every weekend to clubs and electronic music festivals, doing club drugs.  He's 29, I'm 25.

@20 wks, it's a girl and he says he wants me to put her up for adoption and it's not fair that i won't.  Now 36wks and he doesn't want to know when I go into labor or when she's born, he's out completely.

I'm scared of the child support issue because I originally thought we would work it out and now I'm living off of unemployment, once that goes I will have just had her and don't know how i'll support myself between her birth and recovery/getting a job.  My parents can't really help me and I'm also trying to go to school part time this fall so that'll affect my availability with being a new mom and trying to get a job.

he makes ~65k on record, has no children and no debt, not even a car or student loan payment.  do i file for child support or is it too much stress/trouble/emotionally draining?  I'm at the end of my rope here, completely blindsighted by everything that's happened and just trying to put together a plan for the near future. i've heard it's a straight 17% but then i've also heard a lot of women get much, much less and i just want to be prepared.

i guess i'm looking for advice or other stories about how child support has turned out and how/when to apply because i'm terrified i won't be seen as a fit mother bc i lost my job or am going to school and he can afford a lawyer. i want to be able to give my baby girl what i can without feeling like i'm always stretched to the point of breaking.

i am on state insurance and i don't know how that affects things either, but i don't qualify for food stamps bc of my unemployment. 

any and all advice is so, so, so welcome and thank you in advance.  i'm so glad i found this place during these last few weeks (hasn't been an easy pregnancy either)

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:29 AM
You should file for custody as soon as baby is born. And child support. Whether he decides to be involved or not is his choice. But he should pay child support.
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xoch86
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:40 AM


This, and make sure to add in fost for daycare, medical, etc...

Quoting conniejo75:

You should file for custody as soon as baby is born. And child support. Whether he decides to be involved or not is his choice. But he should pay child support.



sid1083
by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:28 AM
1 mom liked this
It would be equally stressful/troublesome/emotionally draining doing it all on your own financially. Why NOT have him contribute? You'll have the same feelings either way - only one may put a couple extra bucks in your child's mouth.
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woodstock525
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:26 AM

Just be prepared....usually once you file for child support, the other parent will demand visitation.  Just because you might be breastfeeding no longer means that the other parent can't have solo visits with the child. 

Another program you should look into is WIC (Women, Infants and Children).  It provides pregnant women and children with nutritional foods (milk, juice, cereal, peanut butter, eggs, cheese, etc...) and once you have the baby, you continue with food unless you use formula in which case they will provide you with formula and foods for the baby.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:50 AM
Yes get the process done sooner than later. If you are on state insurance they will make you file for child support
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woodstock525
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:55 AM

You can't file for child support until their is a live baby there to support.  The amount of child support varies by state in how they calculate it.  Some states do a certain percentage per child.  Most that I'm aware of take a look at each parent's financial circumstances and living expenses versus income.  With you being on unemployment and then going to school, they will probably impute your income based on what you could be making were you working full time for the child support calculation. 

Jkia1boy
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:00 AM
You said this man makes 65k a year?? TAKE HIM FOR CHILD SUPPORT.... Go file right now and you can get foodstamps, wic and medicaid while you are pregnant. So get yours honey! Don't feel bad for him! He's not for you!!
woodstock525
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this

For a person to get child support there has to be a living breathing baby outside the womb for which paternity has been proven.  You cannot file for child support simply because you're pregnant and the guy makes a decent living. 

momma_2013
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:34 AM
after the baby is born file for childsport... dont know what state u are from but here i think its like 30 percent per child of what he makes.... good luck
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massconfusion14
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 10:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I live in TX, but I also got fired right before my baby was due. I was on Medicaid, Food Stamps, WIC AND unemployment (still not able to make ends meet). So I'm not sure why you can't get on food stamps.

As far as child support, go for it. I'm not sure where you live but in Texas, it's 20% of his pay if he has no other kids. My ex makes ~$70,000 and has 2 other kids so I only get 16% and that's still $828.64 per month.

Hope this helps.

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