Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

New to Cafe Mom

Posted by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:33 PM
  • 16 Replies

Hi all,

 

My name is Melissa.  I live in Maryland, Upper Marlboro. I am currently separated from my husband by protection order.  It's only been a month and I am feeling sad and down all the time.  I know what I did was for the best for my me and my boys but I find myself feeling guilty.  I joined Cafe Mom because I am hoping to connect with some moms who can relate and hopefully build some friendships here.  One of my husbands controlling ways was to remove all my friends.  I have a small support group of family and friends right now. 

 

Thanks

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:33 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ShannyLouisiany
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:34 PM
awwww. I hope things look up for you soon. welcome :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:43 PM

Mi Melissa! Welcome to the group. I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been there and know how it feels. You did the right thing. Feeling are guilt are normal, everyone I know who has been through abuse feels the same way. Have you talked with a therapist? It is extremely important to find one who deals with DV victims. Try contacting a local shelter in your area. Most offer out patient therapy. That is where I went and it has made a world of difference.

The feelings you are experiencing are normal and it is all part of the healing process. You need to talk about your feelings and emotions with people that understand what you have been through. This is an amazing group but there is also another one for domestic violence survivors here. They have great information and there are advocates to help you through the entire process from the first P.O. to court, divorce and moving forward. 

This is going to be a long hard path but it is one that is necessary for the health and safety of you and your children. I'm glad you found us here. Good luck hun!

Laura

myhodge
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:48 PM

Yes, I am currently in therapy.  She has also told me that all I am feeling is normal.  I guess for me it doesn't feel normal.  I am seeking everything I can to get help through this.  I will definitely look into the DV forum here on Cafe mom.  Thanks for the encouraging words.  I am glad you got through it.  I am hoping to get there.

 

Thanks,

LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:58 PM

You will get there sweety! It doesn't happen over night, but it happens. I meet someone on here who was an amazing support through me leaving my ex and the divorce process. She explained it to me once as being in a fog. Life right now is going on around you. You know things are happening and you are going through the motions but it's all clouded. As you work with your therapist and talk to others, that fog will lift, little by little. Then one day, you will open your eyes and see everything as clear as day and you will wonder how in the hell you ever make it through. Right now you are in some dense "fog". 

The important thing is that you left. You and your children didn't deserve it. You are important, you are worthy and you are loved. I am glad that you are in counseling and I would encourage you to keep it up as long as you need it. I went for about 10 months, 7-8 of which were extremely intensive with 2 separate people. I still have my bad days but I know now that it wasn't me, it was him. I don't own all our problems anymore, I own MY issues only.

It sounds so simple and many will not understand but your guilt lets me know that you are sill owning the situation. I will say it again over and over, you did not deserve it.


Quoting myhodge:

Yes, I am currently in therapy.  She has also told me that all I am feeling is normal.  I guess for me it doesn't feel normal.  I am seeking everything I can to get help through this.  I will definitely look into the DV forum here on Cafe mom.  Thanks for the encouraging words.  I am glad you go through it.  I am hoping to get there.


Thanks,



myhodge
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 2:04 PM

Thank you so much.  Reading your post made me cry because you are so right.  I didn't deserve it.  I hope the fog lift soon.  I am trying to take it day by day.  My kids need me more than ever right now.  I have to be strong for them.  Thank you so much.  I feel hope now knowing that I am not alone and time will heal me.

LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 2:20 PM

You are not alone. Many have been through it. You are already proving your strength by the fact that you left and got yourself a P.O.! You WILL get through this. I will caution, don't rush through the healing process. I can't tell you how often I asked my therapist "when will this happen" and :when will I stop felling like this". What I learned throughout the process it that it is not important when, it's important to do it right and gain an understanding of what you have been through and what you are feeling. 

Talk, journal, read, do what ever you need to do. Your kids will see your strength in time but right now you need to work on you or you can never fully be what they need. You are right, one day at a time. The fog will lift as you work through this. 


Quoting myhodge:

Thank you so much.  Reading your post made me cry because you are so right.  I didn't deserve it.  I hope the fog lift soon.  I am trying to take it day by day.  My kids need me more than ever right now.  I have to be strong for them.  Thank you so much.  I feel hope now knowing that I am not alone and time will heal me.



myhodge
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 2:30 PM

Thanks Laura.  I appreciate all the advice you have offered to me.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 3:35 PM

group hug

myhodge
by Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 10:21 AM
Thanks for the group hug.
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 30, 2013 at 10:24 AM

welcome! I'm glad you found us!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)