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I'm at my wits end! My daughters hate my boyfriend and refuse to live with us.

Posted by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:21 PM
  • 34 Replies
My daughters (18 and 15) have lived with me all their lives and I had joint custody with their father, whose been very involved with them and a great dad. I got married again after that and divorced 6 years ago. My daughters had grown accustomed to it just being us and me dating, but nothing too serious. I met a wonderful man a year ago and fell madly in love. We have lived together for 6 months now. They were always involved and he treated them with great generosity and kindness. He of course insn't perfect and they didn't like certain aspects of his personality, they say too cocky. He never tried to parent them, however he did support me (first time I had this) so I felt more confident to stand my ground. But he never said a word. He once yelled at my youngest when she was yelling and screaming and pounding on our bedroom door and I was in the shower and he asleep. She and my oldest daughter have held a grudge against him for that, even though he apologized. We have also had fights and I unfortunately have also vented to them at times. I knew then and now it was a terrible mistake. I moved out irrationally after my daughters graduation, being emotional and having family feeding the fire. They weren't there, but they expressed how happy they were. I however was heart broken and very clear more than ever that we were IT. We loved each other and would spend the rest of our lives doing so and raising our children. I moved back the next day lol. In a moment of weakness I had toppled. From the bottom of my heart I reached out to my girls and expressed my innermost heart. They could not accept that I loved both them and him. They said they would never speak to me again. They then began to call my boyfriend over and over and text many explicit, extremely disrespectful messages. He texted each back and told them we loved each other and they could not make a choice of who I would date or be with. That was a month ago. Since then my girls and I have hung out doing different activities together. My boyfriend says the girls should not come back to the house and not apologize and I agree, and they refuse to apologize. They say they hate him and will never forgive him for him taking me away from them. I explained that my love for them hasn't changed and never will!!! But because I will not move out they say I have abandoned them. I start feeling so confused! Are my daughters running my life like so many have said, is my boyfriend an A**hole like my daughters say and I cannot see it??? I feel I should stand my ground and be solid with the man I love and show the girls consistency and love. Is this the right choice?
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Chelsey191
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:26 PM
1 mom liked this
You should have your daughters comment on here explains exactly their side. Then we could try to offer sound advice. Unfortunately, it just doesn't quite make sense at the moment and I have a feeling this is a 3 sides to the story kinda thing.
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:34 PM
9 moms liked this

One should never ever ever choose a boyfriend over your own children. 


Quote:

We have also had fights and I unfortunately have also vented to them at times. I knew then and now it was a terrible mistake.

Kids are kids, no matter what age, they are not your confidant, they are not the one to go to for advice, they need a parent that is stable.


Quote:

I moved out irrationally after my daughters graduation, being emotional and having family feeding the fire.

 

You acted irrationally? Your daughters see that, they are young adults in the making. It sounds like they have a lot clearer view on what is going on in your life than you do.


Quote:

He texted each back and told them we loved each other and they could not make a choice of who I would date or be with. 

 

He way overstepped his boundaries. It is not up to him to make a decision for you, your daughters see that as him controlling you and you letting him speak fo you.


I don't blame your daughters a bit for not wanting to live in a house where they do not feel comfortable. You need to make a choice, who is more important; your daughters or your love life?





summergirl77
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:35 PM

There are definately 3 sides :0) My daughters, mine and my boyfriend. What specifically do you want to know about their side?

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:36 PM
3 moms liked this

Actually, 4 sides, your side, your daughters' side, boyfriend's side and the truth.

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:44 PM
7 moms liked this
My mom dated a guy for two years that was "perfect"... my sister and I hated him. When my mom wasn't around he was a different person to us. He married someone else and is now in jail for having sex with his step daughter. My mom is still friends with him and swears the daughter seduced him.
In your daughter's eyes you chose a man over them. Period. Doesn't matter who's right or wrong
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summergirl77
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:44 PM

Your advice was very rude and angry??? Lol Thanks but I tend to lean towards a loving nature and not the other.

summergirl77
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:47 PM

BUMP!

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:50 PM

Wow, all I can say is thankfully they have a dad who is involved in their lives.


Quoting summergirl77:

Your advice was very rude and angry??? Lol Thanks but I tend to lean towards a loving nature and not the other.



summergirl77
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:52 PM

Sorry first shot at the cafe mom site.  I came confused and needed a little friendly advice...wow!!! Kabam! lol

summergirl77
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:54 PM

You are truly saddening. I hope you find peace and a happy heart someday

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