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Tired of the arguing!

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 10:42 AM
  • 13 Replies

Not with my ex, but with my kids... you can definitely tell it's summer here.  

They're bored (even though there is plenty for them to do), and they argue when asked to do something or help with something.  Even getting my son in the shower this morning was a trial.

How do you discipline your kids when they argue with you?

by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 10:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ivf_blessed
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:13 AM

I am having the same issues - not sure when you became single but I just recently left their Dad, so I'm trying to be a little more understanding and recognize that mine are probably acting out a bit since the separation.

Normally, I would immediately start taking privileges away including:  earlier bed time, no kindle/computer time, docking allowance, more chores, timeout - things like that.  I'm not sure how old your children are but any combo of these things tends to work for me.  (Mine or 6 & 9)

This morning was rough so on the way to camp, we talked about how we are on a little tighter of a schedule now and we need to work together as a team so we have smoother 'work times', leaving more 'fun/play time'.  I asked them what would help them with their responsibilities and they both agreed that they want a responsibility chart again.  We used to use one at the old house but once they got their routine down, we stopped using the chart.  I have realized that even though our routine is the same (e.g.: a.m., get up, make bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth THEN play until it's time to leave) the environment is different.  It's hard on me living out of boxes and having to 'search for things' so I can only imagine how hard it is on them.  Their rooms/bathroom were the 1st things I got in order but it's all still new and I need to remember that this is not easy on them either.

How old are your children and how long have you been single?

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:34 PM

If you figure this out, let me know! My kids seem to fight all day. I work at home so I cannot keep them entertained all day. On days they drive me crazy I have my Dad come get them he has a nice swimming pool (were in AZ and it is so hot out) so the kids keep themselves entertained there very easily.

rocky_mtn_mama
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:45 PM

I've been divorced for 4 years.  

The chore chat sounds like a good idea.  My kids are almost 16 and 12.  I'm thinking the older one might rebel.

Quoting ivf_blessed:

I am having the same issues - not sure when you became single but I just recently left their Dad, so I'm trying to be a little more understanding and recognize that mine are probably acting out a bit since the separation.

Normally, I would immediately start taking privileges away including:  earlier bed time, no kindle/computer time, docking allowance, more chores, timeout - things like that.  I'm not sure how old your children are but any combo of these things tends to work for me.  (Mine or 6 & 9)

This morning was rough so on the way to camp, we talked about how we are on a little tighter of a schedule now and we need to work together as a team so we have smoother 'work times', leaving more 'fun/play time'.  I asked them what would help them with their responsibilities and they both agreed that they want a responsibility chart again.  We used to use one at the old house but once they got their routine down, we stopped using the chart.  I have realized that even though our routine is the same (e.g.: a.m., get up, make bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth THEN play until it's time to leave) the environment is different.  It's hard on me living out of boxes and having to 'search for things' so I can only imagine how hard it is on them.  Their rooms/bathroom were the 1st things I got in order but it's all still new and I need to remember that this is not easy on them either.

How old are your children and how long have you been single?


rocky_mtn_mama
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:46 PM

We have a pool too, but it's not close enough for them to walk to (it's on the other side of our large neighborhood).  Plus, I can't have my 12 year old there without an adult (they have to be at least 13).  Otherwise, they'd be spending a lot more time over there.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

If you figure this out, let me know! My kids seem to fight all day. I work at home so I cannot keep them entertained all day. On days they drive me crazy I have my Dad come get them he has a nice swimming pool (were in AZ and it is so hot out) so the kids keep themselves entertained there very easily.


mom2priceboys
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:54 PM

 stuggling here too with 14 and 15 y/o boys - have been doing lots of team building talks and keeping stricter rules - this week I also started back to routine bedtimes as oldest was staying up all night then sleeping alll day - NO!!! Also bought season pass to community pool -gonna use it today as pool was closed for 2 days due to rain. Also making sure all chores are done before anybody leaves house and taking away electronic accesses. - been separated a bit over a month although he had been in and out of the house prior to spend it with his drug dealers and yes, the kids know!!

ivf_blessed
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:31 PM
1 mom liked this

 Teens are definitely harder - I watch my brother dealing with my nephew - talk about moody - not looking forward to that stage! LOL

Hmmm, I would probably separate the 2 for the chat, maybe even call it different things.  "Chores" for 12 year old and "Responsibilities" for 16 year old.  Get his/her input on how he/she can help you make the days run smoother.

Do they earn an allowance or commission?  It's worth considering if you don't already, even if it's a small weekly amount (allowance) or per "Job" (commission) it can really motiviate some kids to have their own spending money.

I know...some argue that they won't pay their kids to do things around the house they should be doing anyway. I respect that...I just see it differently. I use it as a teaching opportunity about money in general & being financially responsible.  My Kindergartner was waaay ahead of the other kids this past year when it came to learning about money.  LOL

My kids can earn up to $5/week. Each week, when they are paid, they split it into 4 jars (10% share, 30%spend, 30% save 1, 30% save 2).

They are 6 & 9 and literally, except for bday/xmas, I do not buy them any of their 'wants' - they do that themselves with their spend jar or save for bigger items (save 1). They also donate to a charity of their choice every month and deposit their Save 2 jar to the bank savings acct each month.

They don't ask me to buy them things, ever and they most definitely do NOT like having their allowance docked for anything!

Anyway, I digress.

Good luck!  It's all about finding that sweet spot that will work with your kids.  Does your 16 year old drive?

=0)

Quoting rocky_mtn_mama:

I've been divorced for 4 years.  

The chore chat sounds like a good idea.  My kids are almost 16 and 12.  I'm thinking the older one might rebel.

Quoting ivf_blessed:

I am having the same issues - not sure when you became single but I just recently left their Dad, so I'm trying to be a little more understanding and recognize that mine are probably acting out a bit since the separation.

Normally, I would immediately start taking privileges away including:  earlier bed time, no kindle/computer time, docking allowance, more chores, timeout - things like that.  I'm not sure how old your children are but any combo of these things tends to work for me.  (Mine or 6 & 9)

This morning was rough so on the way to camp, we talked about how we are on a little tighter of a schedule now and we need to work together as a team so we have smoother 'work times', leaving more 'fun/play time'.  I asked them what would help them with their responsibilities and they both agreed that they want a responsibility chart again.  We used to use one at the old house but once they got their routine down, we stopped using the chart.  I have realized that even though our routine is the same (e.g.: a.m., get up, make bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth THEN play until it's time to leave) the environment is different.  It's hard on me living out of boxes and having to 'search for things' so I can only imagine how hard it is on them.  Their rooms/bathroom were the 1st things I got in order but it's all still new and I need to remember that this is not easy on them either.

How old are your children and how long have you been single?



 

sunshine389142
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:38 PM

I think it is great that you are communicating so well with your children.  It sounds like you all will work through this tough time together.  Good luck!


Quoting ivf_blessed:

I am having the same issues - not sure when you became single but I just recently left their Dad, so I'm trying to be a little more understanding and recognize that mine are probably acting out a bit since the separation.

Normally, I would immediately start taking privileges away including:  earlier bed time, no kindle/computer time, docking allowance, more chores, timeout - things like that.  I'm not sure how old your children are but any combo of these things tends to work for me.  (Mine or 6 & 9)

This morning was rough so on the way to camp, we talked about how we are on a little tighter of a schedule now and we need to work together as a team so we have smoother 'work times', leaving more 'fun/play time'.  I asked them what would help them with their responsibilities and they both agreed that they want a responsibility chart again.  We used to use one at the old house but once they got their routine down, we stopped using the chart.  I have realized that even though our routine is the same (e.g.: a.m., get up, make bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth THEN play until it's time to leave) the environment is different.  It's hard on me living out of boxes and having to 'search for things' so I can only imagine how hard it is on them.  Their rooms/bathroom were the 1st things I got in order but it's all still new and I need to remember that this is not easy on them either.

How old are your children and how long have you been single?



ivf_blessed
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:44 PM

 

Thank you =0)

Quoting sunshine389142:

I think it is great that you are communicating so well with your children.  It sounds like you all will work through this tough time together.  Good luck!

 

Quoting ivf_blessed:

I am having the same issues - not sure when you became single but I just recently left their Dad, so I'm trying to be a little more understanding and recognize that mine are probably acting out a bit since the separation.

Normally, I would immediately start taking privileges away including:  earlier bed time, no kindle/computer time, docking allowance, more chores, timeout - things like that.  I'm not sure how old your children are but any combo of these things tends to work for me.  (Mine or 6 & 9)

This morning was rough so on the way to camp, we talked about how we are on a little tighter of a schedule now and we need to work together as a team so we have smoother 'work times', leaving more 'fun/play time'.  I asked them what would help them with their responsibilities and they both agreed that they want a responsibility chart again.  We used to use one at the old house but once they got their routine down, we stopped using the chart.  I have realized that even though our routine is the same (e.g.: a.m., get up, make bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth THEN play until it's time to leave) the environment is different.  It's hard on me living out of boxes and having to 'search for things' so I can only imagine how hard it is on them.  Their rooms/bathroom were the 1st things I got in order but it's all still new and I need to remember that this is not easy on them either.

How old are your children and how long have you been single?

 

 


 

lovemybabes3
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:20 PM

i am struggling with this but all mine are still young...i work part time and we live w/ my mom so our space is limited...i have no alone time when they are around which is understandable but my bedroom is basically their living room...we have a pool pass and do that on nice days...its hard to play outside since we live on a busy street and there is nothing for them in the back yard and my mom has a dog and idk how often she cleans up after that dog...they want to play on electronics all the time and between the 5 of them its hard to know who plays on what and for how long...i need to figure something out bc all they do is fight...i do make them read for at least 20 minutes a day for the library reading program, sometimes they will read more and i read to my younger ones or my daughter will so i can read too...its hard to set a schedule bc when im home we have errands to run and they hate coming w/ me but they have no choice...but its frustrating fighting all the time w/ them

bellygirl
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:03 PM

I now what you mean.  There's a very fine line b/c I want my kids to have their freedom free from being grounded, or having things taken away, because as most of us moms know, it's us who suffer through that?  I really do try and keep my kids busy with activities and camps.  I feel like the more the down time, the mouthier.  

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