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Last Names

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 4:12 PM
  • 19 Replies
My stbx and I are currently separated and headed towards divorce. I don't really want to keep his last name but I don't know how I feel about having a different last name from my son. I was hesitant about changing my last name at all when we got married because I was always proud of my maiden name. The thought of staying with my married last name makes me sad. But so does not having that in common with my son.

How did you handle the last name situation after divorce?
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 4:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 4:15 PM
I went back to maiden name. Kids have their father's name. It is extremely common nowadays even in married families.
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virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:34 PM
1 mom liked this

 I did not take his last name at marriage. I prefer my family name. I do wish I had hyphen-nated my son's last name so he could have both our family names.

sunshine389142
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 8:01 PM

I am not divorced, but my dd and I have different last names.  Her brother and sister's mom changed her name when my ex and her got divorced.  She has since re-married so her name is completely different lol.  I don't think it is that big of a deal.

lightoftheworld
by Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 12:48 AM
I kept my married name, not just so I would match my kids, but also because I use it for my professional licenses and I simply liked it much better than my maiden name.

My bigger question is.... What happens when I get remarried? I would like to take my future husbands name, but I would be sad to not match my kids (and hyphenating is just a PITA to me since I sign my name so much at work)
shelley11709
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 2:09 AM
My mom hyphenated old married with new married. Her friend changed her middle name to her sons last name and took her new husbands last name as hers.

I think if I could I would change mine back to my maiden name and change my sons to that too. Then if I ever remarried just keep my maiden name. But I might be still in my bitter/jaded phase where all men are crap and not worth my time! Lol.


Quoting lightoftheworld:

I kept my married name, not just so I would match my kids, but also because I use it for my professional licenses and I simply liked it much better than my maiden name.



My bigger question is.... What happens when I get remarried? I would like to take my future husbands name, but I would be sad to not match my kids (and hyphenating is just a PITA to me since I sign my name so much at work)

just4ds10ee
by Bronze Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 7:28 AM

I kept mines for just that reason because I wanted my daughter and I to continue to have same last name.... also I have so many accounts to change as well as my federal ID... sometimes I hate it because I get the calls from creditors looking for his "deadbeat" a##

ivf_blessed
by Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 8:34 AM

It's a personal decision.

I've decided to keep my married name.  I dropped my middle name and started using my maiden name as my middle name when I took my husband's name.  I then named my daughter after my family - her first name is my maiden name.  I'm not thrilled about keeping my married name, but in the end, it's less hassle to keep it.  I also thought of how my children might react and I figure it will be easier on them (and their not having to constantly correct friends/teachers/coaches, etc) for me to just stick with the married name, especially since they are so young - the divorce, new place, new school is enough for them right now - they don't need Mommy getting rid of their last name too.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 28, 2013 at 8:37 AM

my sister and mom both have elizabeth as their middle name so i added it to my name when my mom changed her name so we have the commonality

shelley11709
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 9:51 AM
Ds is not even two yet so he isn't aware of last names at this point. But I can see why with older kids it would throw them off.

The biggest issue I remember growing up for kids with different last names from their moms was permission slips or checks. If the kids name wasn't added there was confusion about who is was meant for.

I think a big part of the name thing is I feel like I lost some of my identity and who I was in that marriage. Going back to my maiden name feels like I am taking back my identity and my voice.


Quoting ivf_blessed:

It's a personal decision.


I've decided to keep my married name.  I dropped my middle name and started using my maiden name as my middle name when I took my husband's name.  I then named my daughter after my family - her first name is my maiden name.  I'm not thrilled about keeping my married name, but in the end, it's less hassle to keep it.  I also thought of how my children might react and I figure it will be easier on them (and their not having to constantly correct friends/teachers/coaches, etc) for me to just stick with the married name, especially since they are so young - the divorce, new place, new school is enough for them right now - they don't need Mommy getting rid of their last name too.


steviechick
by Gold Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 9:55 AM

I have used my ex's last name for well over 20 years.  My maiden name has the same initials as my first and middle name so I never did like my initials.  I decided to keep my married name because my daughter has the same last name and everyone has known me using my ex's last name.  I also work with a lot of people and professionally they have known me with my ex's last name.  It was too much of a PITA to change it legally.  IF I do get married again I will lose my ex's last name.  Otherwise, it stays.

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