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ug I need help

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 6:07 AM
  • 24 Replies
1 mom liked this

1) my Xhusband doesnt want anything to do with our son. I feel soo good about this! He is very abusive. (had no clue he would be abusive, we were together for years and didnt start the hitting until I got pregnant) However I am slightly hearbroken about it. He left us to be with one of his gf's. She already had 3 kids (but not custody of all of them) just out of rehad and still married herself 

.... they both got divorced and married each other. But while we were still married they got pregnant

2) they are having a baby that is due soon and for some reason I am obessing over it! I cant seem to stop. 

3) I am having an issue with being a single mother. I am hurt that we both planned on having a baby and for him to just walk away! AHH and i dont have anyone to help watch my son, so i never ever get a break. Idk what to do

4) I am in school (online with one at school class) and I am not able to focus on my studies. 


by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 6:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
EachNewBreath
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 6:27 AM

BUMP!

EachNewBreath
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 6:27 AM

BUMP!

dawncs
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 8:23 AM

You have to realize no matter how much you beg or talk to him that he will never change. I doubt he will even change about him being a cheater or abuser for her. There is a strong chance that he will do to her what he did to you in a matter of time no matter how good she is to him. He can do the same thing that he did to your child to the child that they are expecting together without a second thought. My Mom has a neighbor who's daughter marrie a deadbeat (does not pay child support) father of two who became a deadbeat father of two more children with her when they divorced just like he did with his first wife.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 28, 2013 at 8:32 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm sorry he did that but it sounds like you got the better end of the stick.  you and your childrnen don't need an abusive person in your life.  being a single mother is not easy as you know but take it day by day keep up your school.  good luck!

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:01 AM

Dawn is correct in what she says.  Like you, my ex did the same thing.  He abused our daughter (still does) had a tramp on the side and got her pregnant.  My ex has done everything to mentally abuse both me and his daughter.  To the depths of forcing me to court because he accused me of fraud and misrepresentation.  Even going as far as cross-examinging me in court just two days.  He's an elbatross.  

Like Dawn stated below, when someone has chararcter traits they will continue to have these traits with whomever they are with.  Even if it's with someone new.  So, truly count yourself lucky that you and your child are no longer near your ex.  He's a selfish jerk.  Remind yourself that you deserve better and so does your child.  Get cs set-up ASAP.  You will need that as your child gets older.  That's all you need to worry about from your ex.   


Quoting dawncs:

You have to realize no matter how much you beg or talk to him that he will never change. I doubt he will even change about him being a cheater or abuser for her. There is a strong chance that he will do to her what he did to you in a matter of time no matter how good she is to him. He can do the same thing that he did to your child to the child that they are expecting together without a second thought. My Mom has a neighbor who's daughter marrie a deadbeat (does not pay child support) father of two who became a deadbeat father of two more children with her when they divorced just like he did with his first wife.


 

ivf_blessed
by Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:22 AM

I'm sorry this happened to you but if he was abusive, you are much better off!

I'm also sorry you don't have a support system, being a single Mom is hard work but I'm sure your son will appreciate everything you have sacrificed when he is old enough to understand.

Believe in and take care of yourself!!

Stephd710
by Bronze Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this

Oh dear, i know how you feel.  My ex wasnt abusive, but he was neglectful.  We planned to have a baby (he already had 4 from his first marriage) and we ended up having twins.  During my pregnancy he started cheating with a co-worker and we split up when my girls were a month old.  His mistress got pregnant and it tore me up.  I was post partem, going through a divorce, and then found out she is pregnant.  It just hurt me to my core that he planned to stay with her and take care of THEIR child and he threw our family away so carelessly.  I obsessed over the two of them for the longest time, stalked online, drove by their place, I dont know what I was hoping to see, but I just couldnt stop.  The day she had the baby, my best friend called and told me.  She said she saw it online and didnt want me to get online and see it myself while I was at work.  I cried like someone had died.  It KILLED me.  All I can tell you is that it DOES get better, it takes time, a lot of time, but one day you will wake up and just not care anymore.  And when that happens you will physically feel the burden lift.  I became instantly happier, I focused on my girls, my friends, and my life, started dating.  I am SO much better than I was 3 years ago.  I cant tell you how big of a difference time makes.  

EachNewBreath
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:51 AM


I do not contact him. I remember it all too well to go looking for any of it all. and want to encourage with my silence his choice of not wanting anything to do with my son

Quoting dawncs:

You have to realize no matter how much you beg or talk to him that he will never change. I doubt he will even change about him being a cheater or abuser for her. There is a strong chance that he will do to her what he did to you in a matter of time no matter how good she is to him. He can do the same thing that he did to your child to the child that they are expecting together without a second thought. My Mom has a neighbor who's daughter marrie a deadbeat (does not pay child support) father of two who became a deadbeat father of two more children with her when they divorced just like he did with his first wife.



Bero2007
by Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:53 AM

I know it's hard just remember you are better without him. Do you have any family nearby that could watch your son for an evening hear and there to get some time to yourself?

EachNewBreath
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:54 AM


how much time did it take? I know that one of the reasons that I am obsessing is practical. I know my CS will change (not that he has ever paid it) but also I may want to use their pregnancy to turn off his GI benefits (for adultry) since we cant get CS out of it and make him get a job

Quoting Stephd710:

Oh dear, i know how you feel.  My ex wasnt abusive, but he was neglectful.  We planned to have a baby (he already had 4 from his first marriage) and we ended up having twins.  During my pregnancy he started cheating with a co-worker and we split up when my girls were a month old.  His mistress got pregnant and it tore me up.  I was post partem, going through a divorce, and then found out she is pregnant.  It just hurt me to my core that he planned to stay with her and take care of THEIR child and he threw our family away so carelessly.  I obsessed over the two of them for the longest time, stalked online, drove by their place, I dont know what I was hoping to see, but I just couldnt stop.  The day she had the baby, my best friend called and told me.  She said she saw it online and didnt want me to get online and see it myself while I was at work.  I cried like someone had died.  It KILLED me.  All I can tell you is that it DOES get better, it takes time, a lot of time, but one day you will wake up and just not care anymore.  And when that happens you will physically feel the burden lift.  I became instantly happier, I focused on my girls, my friends, and my life, started dating.  I am SO much better than I was 3 years ago.  I cant tell you how big of a difference time makes.  



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