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Found out I was pregnant and dumped within hours of each other

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 3:03 AM
  • 18 Replies
I found out I was pregnant a few hours after my boyfriend broke up with me. When I was trying to call my now ex boyfriend and tell him Im pregnant he wouldn't answer his phone. So i told him through a text message. At first he didn't answer and when he did he told me to get rid of it, that I can't keep it. When I told him I was gonna keep the baby he started to go off on me and told me I was trying to take advantage of him. I asked him if he wants anything to do with the baby his answer was never to call or text him again and bye. This is my first baby and I'm really scared to go through this alone. I don't know what to expect and I can't get out of my head him telling me to get rid of it. That hurt me so much. How can a guy say that about his own kid. If anyone can give me advice or anything I would be so thankful.
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 3:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kris10leighc
by Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 3:29 AM
1 mom liked this
You're situation is somewhat similar to mine. My ex, says he wants involved, but I'm 3 months preg now and he still says hurtful things like get rid of it it's not a baby, etc. honestly if he's that big of a jerk you're better off not contacting him. I know it's hard and scary, you're hurt and angry. Maybe he'll come around and it's just a shock for him. Me and my ex will never get back together, we broke up 2 weeks before I found out and for good reason. Sometimes I just wish he'd say he doesn't want to be apart of this instead of being an ass about everything and making me split time with my child with him since he is dreading our baby and I'm already loving it. You can pm me if you'd like to talk.
Dawnie-marie
by Dawn on Jun. 29, 2013 at 7:04 AM

Ignore him darls, you will be a great mum and it is easier to do it alone than have a dad be there and not want to be. I moved my boys interstate and he has come in and out of their life twice since we moved, and I told him that he can stay out if he doesn't want to call them or see them on a regular basis. he has stayed out and they have got along better than when he was coming in and out of their life. good luck with your little one. 

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 7:16 AM
1 mom liked this
I am sorry, but how did u expect him to respond? You break up. And then a few hours later u tell him your pregnant? If I was a guy, I would think you are lying and wouldn't have anything to do with you until it was proven you were actually preg and a DNA test was done.
Right now, you need to assume he will not be there at all
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dawncs
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 7:48 AM

You have to remember that men can be complete jerks at times. Not all men are like this at all. They forget what they learned at school when it comes to sex at times when it comes to birth control failing. In addition, they forget that sex can create a baby, and they lose control of the situation when the baby is born. He really should have thought about it before having sex about being a father with someone in regards to a baby. Now, he has to deal with you for the rest of his life along with child support which you can file when the baby is born for 18 years. When he gets that way, just tell him if he did not want to become a father that he should not have sex with a girl because he does not make the decisions when a girl is pregnant.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

heretolisten
by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 8:32 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry.  I wish this cycle with man-boys would stop!  UGH!  (((HUGS)))  Firstly, this is a man who is now thinking "Hey, I don't want you so I certainly am not going to feel obligated to be nice to you just because you're having a baby that I don't want to have with you!!"   It's immature, callous and dishonorable.  A ***REAL*** man would stop, think and have enough respect for you to realize that this is something the two of you created together.  That there was something that brought you two together and even though the "spark" may have fizzled out for whatever reason, it's time to man up and accept the responsibility and do the right thing by you and the child and start over.  I never understood the mentality of two people coming together and singing praises to one another then somehow turning the tables with a 180 and going from love to hate.  But I digress.... 

This man will now forever resent you.  It's not right.  It's not fair and he was obviously raised wrong to do you like this.  You just burst his bubble and he will be tied to you forever and to him, you're disposable and he wanted to throw you away.  Now he sees you as someone he will likely have to give his hard earned money to while you raise his child when all he wanted to do was get you out of his life and move on to the next female.  In his mind, you complicated his future.  Ruined it.  Even though he was more than willing to lay down with you and maybe even tell you he loves you, he changed his mind and he's not willing to accept the consequences of the act.  To ask you to murder your child to spare him that permanent connection to him is childish and irresponsible.  He's not carrying the child and men don't have the natural instincts to be connected with that which they were not looking for.  He's a sperm donor and always will be.  

Be prepared to file for child support when the child is born.  Be prepared to contend with an onslaught of abuse and bullying from him, even threats. It's not going to be easy for you or your child.  That's the reality of these situations.  But know that the likelihood of him being in your life is slim to none.  He will likely turn on you completely (most men like this do) and the child.  Let him contribute financially from afar and be prepared to have a fatherless child.  It's going to sting. It's going to be hard, but in the end, you will overcome it and find strength in yourself that you never imagined.  

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 29, 2013 at 9:42 AM

You make the decision for you and the baby.  I'm sorry that he is being so bad about it.  If you do decide to keep this child know that it wont be easy build a good support system starting now and take each day. 

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 9:49 AM
3 moms liked this
Even though it's hard I wouldn't contact him. I would probably send him a text when I know the babies sex and when the baby is born. You can't force him to be a father. Also, give him time to process what you told him. He may think you lied about being pregnant since he just broke up with you.
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jun. 29, 2013 at 9:53 AM

 How serious was the relationship?

BostonMomma08
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 10:08 AM
I was in a similar situation, except that my son's sperm donor broke up with me when I told him I was pregnant and he also told me to do whatever the hell I wanted in regards to the pregnancy because he wasn't going to be around no matter what. So I decided I was going to have and raise my son on my own.

My son will be 5 next month and he's never let his father and I hope that he never will. In the past 5 1/2 years I've talked to him once, when Lucas was around 18 months old, but that was that.

I have never ever ever regretted my decision, my son is the best thing that ever happened to me, he's my shining star, the reason why I live and breathe. And I am not sad that the POS that helped create him is not in his life. Sometimes I wish that he had a great father, but it is what it is, he has me, we have a wonderful family that would do anything for us, and he has some amazing male role models in his life, so he's not missing out on much!
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Aslen
by Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 10:11 AM
You do what's best for you and your baby. Take him for vs too. Just because he pays cs doesn't give him rights if hes not on the birth certificate
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