Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Gambling on CS- what would you do?

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 7:27 PM
  • 10 Replies
So my x and I have been separated for 2 1/2 years. During that time he gave me $ sporadically. we officially divorced last year but no cs order was issued bcuz he was unemployed. He has not had a steady paycheck in 2 years. He has physical and mental health issues (recovering from a stroke and heart attack and untreated bipolar 1). He is currently awaiting trial for assault. He has also recently become homeless-living in his car. (um ...karma anyone?)


He called today and told me he was hired for a sales job that starts monday. He has asked me for a loan so he can rent a room/apt so he will have a place to sleep, shower and iron his clothes for work, etc. i realize it will be hard for him to work living out of his car. This is the practical side. The emotional side is that no matter what this man put me through (and it has been a lot) I will always love him, we were together for 20 years It breaks my heart to see him like this. He is also the father of my kids, and it is hard for them to understand why I will not help him. Never mind the fact that he has spent most of the last two years riding his bike at the beach, doing amatuer photography or hanging out in bars.

Even if I decided to risk the very small safety net I have to help him, there is really no guarantee he will 1) stay employed 2) make any $ 3)pay me back 4)pay child support.

The kids and I struggle financially and the idea of cs is enticing. I am physically and mentally exhausted with the constant stress. Currently we are barely surviving. I have sold many of my belongings and I am currently looking for a 2nd job.

Am I crazy to even consider it? What would you do?
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 7:27 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 9:15 PM
Exactly this


Quoting zebra556:

A friend recently said that when she loans money, she considers it a gift. If it is paid back, that's great. If not, there is no remorse, it was a gift and no expectations of being paid back. Can you afford that "gift"? That is the question?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
diaperstodating
by Angel on Jun. 29, 2013 at 9:20 PM
In your case I might consider it, you were together for 20 years and you still love him. In my case no way! I wouldn't care if my soon to be ex husband/ father of my children was homeless and living in his car, and if I had the means to help him I wouldn't.
Robsessed98
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 10:01 PM
1 mom liked this
I would struggle with it too, but then I'd realize he's done diddly shit to support his kids and any money you give him will more than likely not be used for what he said, you will probably never see a penny in return and also however much you give him is that much less you have for your children.
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 10:22 PM
I agree with all the responses so far. If you give it don't expect it back.

The thing is, he got himself in this mess and seems to expect you to bail him out. I understand wanting to help because he's the father of your kids but he hasn't done anything to help with his responsibility to them.


Quoting Robsessed98:

I would struggle with it too, but then I'd realize he's done diddly shit to support his kids and any money you give him will more than likely not be used for what he said, you will probably never see a penny in return and also however much you give him is that much less you have for your children.

Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 12:30 AM
Does he have any friends or family to loan him the money? It's honorable if you to want to do this. It's obvious you feel sorry for him and this sounds like this is the last chance he has to get his life on track. I would make him sign an IOU and let him know he must start supporting his kids if this job works out. If I were you I would loan it to him and tell him this is it. Do or die. Good luck
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 30, 2013 at 10:21 AM

I wouldn't you are not responsible for him and who knows if you would actually get it back. 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 12:26 PM
I agree with this


Quoting LifeCafe42:

I wouldn't you are not responsible for him and who knows if you would actually get it back. 


easinpc
by Gold Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 12:26 PM
Hugs!!
alexis_06
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 2:09 AM

 yes you are crazy for considering it!  no i wouldnt do it!!

If you are alreasdy struggling financially, then why would you? i really think it's a bad idea!

Mamavelt
by Bronze Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 8:10 AM
Thank you all for your strong words and advice. Unforetunately he has already alienated friends and family - especially because all of this time he has refused to help himself, so that no one else will help him. Logically I know I cannot help him either but he always manages to evoke an emotional response from me. Even now I feel driven by some misguided sense of loyalty and duty... Old habits die hard. I just have to keep reminding myself that the my kids are my only priority. Thank you all for helping me to remember that.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)