Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Going through a family court hearing

Posted by on Jun. 30, 2013 at 9:01 PM
  • 12 Replies

Hi Ladies,

I could use a little emotional support right now. I am freaking out about a family court hearing with the father of my two year old sons.

We went into mediation to create a custody agreement a little over a year ago. When the ink was dry on the final papers (or he finally read what he signed), he had buyer's remorse and threatened to take me back to court. His petition for modification was dismissed in January, so he and his lawyer bogused up a motion for contempt. My lawyer and I agree that I am not in contempt, this is just a backdoor attempt at modification.

When I attended the hearing for the modification, that he and his lawyer did not bother to show up for, we were in and out in about 15 minutes because the judge knew that he had no case. This time his lawyer has reserved 4 hours for this hearing, they are planning to crucify me tomorrow. He wants to take my 2 yr old sons out of country for a week. I am scared that he will get it.

Has anyone out there been through this or going though this now?

This man is angry that he did not get 50/50 custody and is determined to drag me through family court for the next 16 years, he has the money to do it.


by on Jun. 30, 2013 at 9:01 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
tinyone2006
by on Jun. 30, 2013 at 9:09 PM

My ex husband tried to do the same thing, be brought my up on charges of non complinace. Which is a felony here. His lawyer even tried to get the hearing on a day that I had finals at school. So they were really trying to stick me. My lawyer agreed that I was in compliance mind you my ex has no rights what so ever. So our hearing that was supposed to be all day ended in 30 mins because the judge looked at the custody agreement and said This is nothing more then a ploy to mess with your ex. Stay strong and have faith things have a way of working themselves out in the end. It's hard when they do it so often the judge and most of the courthouse workers know you by name. But after a while the judge figures out what is going on. You already have a lawyer and sounds like you are set and have things in order for tomorrow good luck

tia_00_00
by on Jun. 30, 2013 at 9:13 PM
Hi, first who told you this information(him or lawyer) .Coming from someone who had fought six years for custody of my niece(which I have full custody) the only time you will be in court for hours is if you and the father had to go too trial. I wouldn't be too concerned about anything because if the judge see no reason for any change he will dismiss the case. Just make sure you continue to follow the custody order because he is looking for something to take you back to court for. Stay Encourage. P.S. I would love to know the outcome
OCALAMOMOFTWINS
by Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 9:28 PM

This whole thing has become so ugly, we can't even exchange our children without a confrontation. He has had me followed, he placed a tracking device on my car, he has a camera pointed at me during our exchanges, and he has told me that he has secretly recorded some of our conversations. He is a bully and is not used to being told "no". 

Anyone who knows me, knows that I resist using any pharmaceuticals that are not REALLY necessary, but I have had to start using Xanax this week for anxiety. His lawyer would have a field day with that if they find out.



Quoting tinyone2006:

My ex husband tried to do the same thing, be brought my up on charges of non complinace. Which is a felony here. His lawyer even tried to get the hearing on a day that I had finals at school. So they were really trying to stick me. My lawyer agreed that I was in compliance mind you my ex has no rights what so ever. So our hearing that was supposed to be all day ended in 30 mins because the judge looked at the custody agreement and said This is nothing more then a ploy to mess with your ex. Stay strong and have faith things have a way of working themselves out in the end. It's hard when they do it so often the judge and most of the courthouse workers know you by name. But after a while the judge figures out what is going on. You already have a lawyer and sounds like you are set and have things in order for tomorrow good luck



OCALAMOMOFTWINS
by Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 9:34 PM

His lawyer told the judge's office that she would use every minute of those four hours. They are trying to make an issue of the relationship (bad) between his wife and myself. I think my lawyer will get a lot of this stricken and we will not be in there for that long but I know that I am in for a bumpy ride tomorrow. 

The law is on my side, but family court judges have a lot of leeway, especially in a contempt motion. Contempt is harder to defend than a petition for modification.



Quoting tia_00_00:

Hi, first who told you this information(him or lawyer) .Coming from someone who had fought six years for custody of my niece(which I have full custody) the only time you will be in court for hours is if you and the father had to go too trial. I wouldn't be too concerned about anything because if the judge see no reason for any change he will dismiss the case. Just make sure you continue to follow the custody order because he is looking for something to take you back to court for. Stay Encourage. P.S. I would love to know the outcome



dawncs
by on Jun. 30, 2013 at 11:58 PM

You need to calm down right now. He is probably trying to get out of child support. You forget it is not the lawyers or him in control of the hearing. It is the judge trust me, and your ex is not the only of his kind out there trying to control the situation. Judges have long memories and case files to remind them of cases before each hearing along with being human. They can anger very easily if one tries their patience. It sounds from his actions in court that he is on his way if him making the judge's hate list with how he is handling hearngs so far. Judges hate their time being wasted, and it sounds like his tactic on doing it to you. However, he is also doing it to the judge which takes away from legitimate court cases being held faster. If he keeps it up, he could wind up with a custody agreement that he hates along with court costs and attorney fees for you in the future with each case on the track he is on now. I know of two cases which can illustrate what happens when you anger a judge enough, and I do have recommendations for you on how to handle this. I know of a custodial father who's ex kept trying for custody for no reason, and the boy was nine years old when the judge angered over all of the hearings which resulted in no change of custody order until the boy turned 18. Another man was a noncustodial father who listened to the bad advice of his girlfriend in regards to the hearings, and he angered the judge which resulted in future hearings even with a new judge being angry with him.

I recommend you keep to the custody agreement because judges love when it is being followed. Second, bring several witnesses to exchanges and have them write out a statement of what happened in writing and send it through the post office (leave it unopened). Third, start tape recording phone calls because he might edit them for court along with video taping any exchanges because he could alter them too. Finally, keep it business like no matter how he gets on the telephone and exchanges.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

reallove06
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 1:22 PM
Good luck. How did it go?
tinyone2006
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 6:30 PM

They are more diffcult to deal with, and family judges hace also seen and heard almost everything they have pretty good bs radar when it comes to this kind of thing

OCALAMOMOFTWINS
by Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 9:28 PM

Thanks, Ladies. I really appreciate the support. He got what he wanted, she granted him permission to take them to Panama for a week in November. I was not found in contempt. It was a rough day, but after the hearing, he and I at least started to talk again. I really need for this to be amicable, or I will never survive that week. I am also drained by all the hostility. I got him to agree to keep his wife out of our negotiations, she is a big part of all the animosity. She has been really stirring the pot and keeping the two parents at odds with each other. My lawyer told me, "Wow, she really loves confrontation." The judge agreed and strongly suggested that she not be allowed at our exchanges anymore.

dawncs
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 9:51 PM

 That is a relief that he agreed with things you on her. She is jealous of you having a successful pregnancy when she could not at all in this marriage. However, I doubt she would appreciate it if anyone interfered with her custodial situation with her ex who is the father of her children. You have to remind him that she is draining his retirement dollars which is hard to replace at his age trust me. My father is on his fourth marriage, and I am from his first marriage. He has two children from his first marriage and none from his later marriages. He drained two inheritances along the way which were pretty good sized from his parents. He is now retired. Remind him always it is a long way until age 18, and she could make things very difficult in the future if she makes him anger the judge.

Quoting OCALAMOMOFTWINS:

Thanks, Ladies. I really appreciate the support. He got what he wanted, she granted him permission to take them to Panama for a week in November. I was not found in contempt. It was a rough day, but after the hearing, he and I at least started to talk again. I really need for this to be amicable, or I will never survive that week. I am also drained by all the hostility. I got him to agree to keep his wife out of our negotiations, she is a big part of all the animosity. She has been really stirring the pot and keeping the two parents at odds with each other. My lawyer told me, "Wow, she really loves confrontation." The judge agreed and strongly suggested that she not be allowed at our exchanges anymore.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

reallove06
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:20 AM
I'm sorry to hear he got granted taking them out of the country. Why? Can you appeal? I don't agree to my sons father who's a dual national taking him out of the country. Glad you're not in contempt. Take care
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)