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Smack

Posted by on Jun. 30, 2013 at 9:56 PM
  • 13 Replies
My 3 year old son burst into tears when he visits his father. I talked to our son and I asked him why he doesn't want to go with his dad. He told me that his dad smacks his butt for peeing on himself. I notice once my son returns from his visit he is very clingy to me. I talked to my Co parent about this, and he said without a doubt that he does spank him for not being a big boy and peeing on himself.
I do not agree on this because my son has acted aggressive towards other children. He fears his dad and says no I do not want to go with my dad.
I need advice.
by on Jun. 30, 2013 at 9:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 10:09 PM
It's common at that age for kids to not want to go. The changes in household rules and expectations is somewhat difficult for them to deal with. It's part and parcel with non intact families. The acting out towards others is common and a coping mechanism for him since he has no control of the situation. Keep reminding him of appropriate behavior and discipline him for inappropriate behavior.

Unless he's abusing your child, and spanking is not abuse, there's not much you can do. It's just a matter of different parenting styles.
OCALAMOMOFTWINS
by Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 10:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I think the man is an ass for hitting a 3 yr old for any reason. I do not believe in spanking and do not think that it works anyway. It breaks my heart that people do this. How do you teach a child that it is unacceptable to hit others and then turn around and hit him?

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 10:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I know plenty of people, myself and my sister included, that were spanked as kids and we don't get in physical fights and never have.


Quoting OCALAMOMOFTWINS:

I think the man is an ass for hitting a 3 yr old for any reason. I do not believe in spanking and do not think that it works anyway. It breaks my heart that people do this. How do you teach a child that it is unacceptable to hit others and then turn around and hit him?


OCALAMOMOFTWINS
by Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 10:41 PM

I was spanked as well and I don't get into physical fights either but discipline means "to teach" and the only thing hitting a child teaches them is to resent and fear you.


Quoting Andrewsmom70:

I know plenty of people, myself and my sister included, that were spanked as kids and we don't get in physical fights and never have.


Quoting OCALAMOMOFTWINS:

I think the man is an ass for hitting a 3 yr old for any reason. I do not believe in spanking and do not think that it works anyway. It breaks my heart that people do this. How do you teach a child that it is unacceptable to hit others and then turn around and hit him?




Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 11:05 PM
I disagree. I'm thankful that my parents spanked me. I don't (and didn't) resent and/or fear my parents. Spanking served as discipline for me and a lot of people I know. We absolutely know and understand appropriate behavior and it has nothing to do with fear or resentment.




Quoting OCALAMOMOFTWINS:

I was spanked as well and I don't get into physical fights either but discipline means "to teach" and the only thing hitting a child teaches them is to resent and fear you.



Quoting Andrewsmom70:

I know plenty of people, myself and my sister included, that were spanked as kids and we don't get in physical fights and never have.





Quoting OCALAMOMOFTWINS:

I think the man is an ass for hitting a 3 yr old for any reason. I do not believe in spanking and do not think that it works anyway. It breaks my heart that people do this. How do you teach a child that it is unacceptable to hit others and then turn around and hit him?







alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Jul. 1, 2013 at 12:39 AM

 i got spanked as a child, and resented my parents for it.  i do not agree wth spanking! i would be pissed!

another-shoe
by Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 7:45 PM

toilet training is an important time to develope your child's self confidence.  it takes time and a consistent environment.  so that your child can initiate on his own about going to the toilet. 

when the home environment changes alot, there's more confusion for your child to figure out where to go when he has to pee.    

would the father consider letting you have the primary care role  for another year, while the child developes good toilet habits?   your child is still developing language and reasoning.  

try to avoid the tug of war with the child in the middle......   

I really hope you work out an arrangement that keeps the father from feeling excluded but puts the child's needs first.  

I share your concern...   your child trusts you.  appeal to the father's memory of his mother?  what would she do?    I'm crying with you and your son today.  Love, Heather

another-shoe
by Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 8:15 PM

would the father of your son, consider letting you come to their house for a day and you show by demonstration how you talk with your son, and how you set up an environment where the child can feel confident about going to the bathroom?  

it's difficult, because your son will be confused about who to listen to.  Appeal to the father's good sense and let your son grow up a little.... maybe at your house as the main house?  

the father of your son will have later years, like middle school and high school, when the boy will need more grown up advice.    my heart is breaking with you on that one.   

Maryloe
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:29 AM
My Co parent and I can only agree to disagree. In the past I spoke with him about having same home rules at both homes, and having the same discipline at both homes but he said he was going to do it his own way for rules and discipline. Recently, the preschool called me because my son was crying for about an hour saying that he doesn't want his dad to pick him up. Now the school is requesting to not have dad pick up our son at school and to do the pick up somewhere else. We can not do it anywhere else because he disrespects me.
I am thinking to go to mediation because he Always blames me for our son. For our son not being fully potty trained, for my son's clingyness to me, for our son's aggressive behavior, and for the preschool getting on his case.


Quoting another-shoe:

would the father of your son, consider letting you come to their house for a day and you show by demonstration how you talk with your son, and how you set up an environment where the child can feel confident about going to the bathroom?  

it's difficult, because your son will be confused about who to listen to.  Appeal to the father's good sense and let your son grow up a little.... maybe at your house as the main house?  

the father of your son will have later years, like middle school and high school, when the boy will need more grown up advice.    my heart is breaking with you on that one.   


another-shoe
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:24 PM

Who does the father respect?    I want you to take your child's crying as a sign that he feels like he can tell his teacher and Mommy things.  it doesn't mean the Dad is bad....  but maybe the Dad needs  someone he respects to tell him to loosen up.  

Discipline comes from within and is best when a person feels hope and is cheerful.   Feeling sad and defeated also takes away from the will to go about learning and doing and being confident.  

If you go to mediation, find a child psychologist to side with you and let the Dad know, that his relationship with the little boy will be improved if you change for your child. 


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