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What would you do?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:03 PM
  • 7 Replies

Wow, I haven't been on here in months but some things have come up and I am just wondering what you would do in my situation. Just a reminder about me: I am in my early 20's, first time single mom to my 5 month old daughter, I live with my parents and I am going to school online. The "father" of my daughter left this state when I was only 17 weeks pregnant. He has not sent any money (in fact, I had sent him LOTS of money while I was pregnant), he is now 25 and never had a job, EVER. He has not done ANYTHING for my daughter, and I have not talked to him as of Mother's day due to the fact that he's manipulative and lies (and he cheated the entire time we were together). So on Mother's day I decided enough was enough, he will never change and my daughter deserves better, as do I.

SO, as of Thursday, he started blowing up my phone saying he was coming back, saying he couldn't wait to hug both of us, blah blah blah. Since he's known for lying I didn't believe him. But it made me think, what would I do if he really was back? What if he shows up at my house demanding to see my baby? I decided I would call the police if he wouldn't leave. I have thought about going down to the station just to see what they say I should do in case he shows up. He has stopped calling so I have not done that yet. I am starting to think he isn't really here.

My mom is on the same page as me, she wants him as far away as possible, doesn't want him near me or the baby. My dad, on the other hand, thinks I should let him see her and hold her. I don't see why since he hasn't done a single thing to help or show he even cares. My dad suggested taking him to our family counselor's office so it's totally mutual and safe.

This really threw me a curve ball. I spent all my time thinking about how I would do whatever necessary to keep him away, but then my dad starts saying those things. What would you do? Let him see her? or keep him away?

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:03 PM
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by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 5:18 PM

The b**** in me says keep him away.  Reality says that if you do that, he can go to court and get a CO to visit with her.  In this situation, you need to remove your feelings....being hurt and angry over his leaving you, not being supportive, and not funding you...and see a) if he actually shows up and b) whether he has any sustained interest in his child as it would be best for the child if both parents are involved in her life.  I think your dad has a good idea of having him see her with a counselor. 

 If as you say, he is 25 and has never ever had a job, how can you down him for that when that obviously wasn't a factor in your choosing to date and have sex with him. Remember that you picked this guy to be the baby daddy.  You ran the risk of him becoming a baby daddy every time you two hopped in the sack, so you definitely picked him.  It's a little late to have sour grapes about it now. 

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:36 PM

You need to go to court and get things settled. he left when you were 17 weeks pregnant? Was he there for the birth??

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:37 PM

My 1st thought is he doesn't want to pay a dime in child support-and other choice is he could go to jail if he doesn't pay. So let me make amends with my baby's momma to avoid this. *gag*

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:14 PM
Is he on the bc? If so cops won't do anything you need to get everything legal through the courts asap
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by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 3:18 AM
He is not on the birth certificate. I meant to mention that. I purposely didn't put him on so he couldn't just take her. Also, in this state the dad needs to be there to sign paperwork saying he accepts responsibility since we aren't married. He wasn't there to do that. So no, he wasnt there at the birth. He literally has not been involved at all. I used to send pics and keep him updated, but like I said, as of mother's day I stopped.

I talked to my cousin who is a lawyer and in is state, for him to have rights to her, he needs to be on the bc AND paying child support before her first birthday. That means he would have to get a court order to get a paternity test to get put on the bc, pay for both court and the tests, then take me to court for custody and again pay for all that. Then he'd also have to be paying child support. There's no way he could afford any of that. So the cops would be helpful if he showed up. Plus I'm pretty sure he's violating probation by being in this state. He was in jail at the end of last year and told me he was on probation until December of this year, again he's a liar so I do not know how true that is.

I really just want to protect my daughter. Yes, having both parents is best, but not if he isn't going to be a good role model. Yes, I crawled into bed with him multiple times, but as mentioned before, he manipulated and lied and I unfortunately didn't see through him until it was too late. My daughter will have a father some day, I'm not worried about her being raised only by me. I've been with someone for a couple months and he treats her as his own. He's even called her his.
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:11 AM

Have you gone to court to establish custody and child support?  I would make sure there is a custody order in place before letting him see her, especially alone!

by Group Admin on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:25 AM

Since he's not on the birth certificate and has shown no interest I wouldn't let him see her. If he wants to see her I'd have him go to court and ask for visitation. Since he's not on any paperwork he has no legal right to visit her.

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