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I'm I being selfish when it comes to wanting my family whole again?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 7:15 PM
  • 12 Replies

My daughters father and i have had more then our fair share of diffranences. Despite everything that we have been thought at the end of the day I want my family whole again. For about the past year now we have both been back and forth about it. Which he has started all the conversations, The only thing is my ex ran out and got married shortly after we ended us. Nothing has happen between us bc of his marriage. He has recently said he was getting a divorce, but 24 hrs later he said he wants to work it out with his wife, which I completely understande. It upsets me but I don't want to be the reason he leave his wife either. I got my hopes up for basically no reason but I can't help the fact that I want my family whole aging. I'm I being selfish that I want my family back together?

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 7:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
dawncs
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 7:38 PM
1 mom liked this

You are not selfish at all about wanting your family together. However, he could have been seeing both of you at the same time if he had married that fast. It takes time to plan a wedding at times unless it is an elopement. I have a feeling he does not want you to move on into a new relationship in case this marriage does not work out. It is not fair of him to lead you on with this trust me. You deserve happiness and a man who would treat you better in life. Some men do not change in life. My mom's neighbor's daughter found out the hard way when she married and divorced a deadbeat father of two children from his first marriage in regards to child support because he did the same thing to her.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

chirpymama87
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:01 PM
Selfish, no.
Unreasonable to yourself, yes.
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:05 PM

We all want a perfect world, unfortunately that just isn't going to happen. We must live in what we have. You need to move on from your ex. He already has and him going back and forth on you with his new wife is him tugging your strings. Do you really want to be the "other woman" who broke up his marriage? We all know that once a cheater always a cheater, when he gets bored he will move on, again and again.

You have your family, you and your daughter. What you make of it is up to you.

I came to a realization tonight that might help you. Have you ever sat watching a tv show thinking to yourself, "i really wish I had that kind of relationship with my friends/co-workers". Well tonight I realized something, I have some incredible friends, just like those that I see on tv. When I need something I call and they come, when they need something they call and I come. I am blessed with a boss who is just what I need, not pushy, not a micromanager, a friend and someone I can joke with. And guess what! I have a really good life. I found out its time to stop wishing I had what someone else has and enjoy what I have because I have been blessed with an awful lot.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:11 PM
Selfish no but is it the right thing? It ended for a reason a whole family isn't always the best family
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Belovedmoonpixi
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:17 PM

No, you´re not being selfish,  but I do feel you are being very naive. Your ex doesn´t know if he wants to make up with you or with his current wife... THAT right there is a problem. Nothing has happened between you because he´s still married... will the current wife extend you the same courtesy (and loyalty) if he remarries you and suddenly decides he wants to go back to her? (sorry, I´m not trying to be nasty, I just want you to open your eyes to the danger you´re facing)

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:15 AM

 I agree with this. 


Quoting chirpymama87:

Selfish, no.
Unreasonable to yourself, yes.


 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:15 AM

group hug

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:20 PM

No, I don't think you're selfish, but I do think your ex is.  It seems to me that he wants his cake and eat it too.

Stephd710
by Silver Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:37 PM

Everyone wants that.  But to be honest....he is leading you on to keep you on the back burner in case it doesnt work out with his wife.  You need to have more respect for yourself and not let him lead you around like that.  Just consider it done and start making strides to move on.  

LuvMommysBabies
by Bronze Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 6:58 PM
No at times I wish my family was whole again, but think...is being apart or in the same situation with him the best thing for you and your children?
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