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This has probably been done but I need advice

Posted by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 12:32 PM
  • 11 Replies
I started dating a guy in march, the lady I babysit for was on maternity leave and my son was in school. He could leave work so we could have lunch or hangout for a while so it worked out perfect. He left the country for a month and we stopped talking but now he's back, I'm back at work and schools out so I get no time alone. He did show up a couple days ago because I had changed my number and he got a new phone too. so he did see my son for a little while but I don't bring guys around him normally. I do really like him but he feels I keep him at a distance. I just don't want my son to get hurt again, is it too soon for the 3 of us to hang out and do dinner dates and stuff? How long do/did you guys wait?
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 12:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
steviechick
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 1:40 PM
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Well, I would wait (a month) until you know for sure this guy is going to stick around.  It would be hard to introduce your son to a new man and then that new man decides to leave. 

momluvsgg
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 1:46 PM
3 moms liked this

Have you talked to him about why you are concerned about him being around your son too soon in your relationship? Maybe if he understands why your worried about this issue, he would be more open about his intentions? 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 1:53 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree with this.  I would express your concerns to him and go from there. The way I feel is that if he is truly the one for you then he'd be willing to wait until you felt it was right for them to meet and would be understanding about your concerns.


Quoting steviechick:

Well, I would wait (a month) until you know for sure this guy is going to stick around.  It would be hard to introduce your son to a new man and then that new man decides to leave. 


 

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes, I agree with this.  

Quoting momluvsgg:

Have you talked to him about why you are concerned about him being around your son too soon in your relationship? Maybe if he understands why your worried about this issue, he would be more open about his intentions? 


kristiansmommy1
by Bronze Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I did, he thinks I feel like he's only after sex but I really don't feel that way bc I feel he wouldn't try so hard to spend time with me or go out and stuff and stay around even tho we haven't yet so he doesn't really understand it too well that it's not just him it's anyone that I'd date. He's never dated someone with kids and has none


Quoting momluvsgg:

Have you talked to him about why you are concerned about him being around your son too soon in your relationship? Maybe if he understands why your worried about this issue, he would be more open about his intentions? 


mcrred
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:59 PM
1 mom liked this

I was dating my BF two months, I think, before I introduced him to my kids, and even then I introduced him as a friend. I think it was another couple of months when I felt more comfortable that he would be around for a while that I told them we were dating. And while we were around them at first, we acted just like friends. And as someone above said, I discussed it with him beforehand, and he understood my reasons. Because I was the same way, I didn't want to introduce them to someone too soon and then have them be upset that they were gone.

Is your son used to being around your friends, like going to lunch and that kind of thing? Because he might not think anything of it if you simply say you two are going to meet your friend "Joe" for lunch. My kids were used to going to lunch with me and my friends (both girls and guys).

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:19 AM

I would wait until I was semi serious with someone before introducing them to my kid(s). I wouldn't want to keep introducing different guys to my kids. I would express to him my concerns and hope he respects me enough to uunderstand my feelings.

momluvsgg
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:52 PM

That's good that you have talked to him about it. As long as you keep communicating your feelings, hopefully he will begin to understand and not take it personally. Now that your son has met him, if he thinks he's just one of your friends, this will give you more time to find out if it will be a lasting relationship too. Hugs!

HeatherCates
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 5:26 PM

I've always waited at least two months before introducing my kids. Most of the guys I dated did not last that long. You have every reason to be protective of your son. That being said, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, no matter how long you wait to introduce him.

Based on the information you have given, I would question...

  1.  How into him are you really? If you really like him, then arrange for a sitter so you can go on dates. Allow the time to get to know the man yourself before deciding whether to introduce him to your son. 
  2. He doesn't have kids of his own & has never dated anyone with kids. In my personal experience, these men are never understanding of the life of a single mom. No amount of time is ever sufficient for them. They feel they are competing for your affection & time with your child. Do you really need that kind of stress in your life? I made it a rule that whomever I dated HAD to have kids of their own. They are the only ones who have any idea what your life is like. 
  3. "He thinks I feel like he's only after sex..." This tells me one of two things. He is either very clingy & needy, or he really is after only sex and is trying to convince you otherwise. 

This is a huge lesson I learned...if you are agonizing this much over dating this man, he is not the right one for you. Walk away. 

Dating as a single parent SUCKS! But there is hope. Don't rush it and don't give up. When the timing is right, the right man will be there. 

((Hugs))


Quoting kristiansmommy1:

I did, he thinks I feel like he's only after sex but I really don't feel that way bc I feel he wouldn't try so hard to spend time with me or go out and stuff and stay around even tho we haven't yet so he doesn't really understand it too well that it's not just him it's anyone that I'd date. He's never dated someone with kids and has none


Quoting momluvsgg:

Have you talked to him about why you are concerned about him being around your son too soon in your relationship? Maybe if he understands why your worried about this issue, he would be more open about his intentions? 




NOLAmommaKRYS
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 7:19 PM
I'm having the same problem too. Although my guy didn't go out of town for a month.

:( I don't want to get hurt, much less have my daughter get confused on who daddy is. And this new guys baby momma is crazy (from what he says).
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