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Why do I repeat over and over? I just want to be happy.

Posted by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 10:49 AM
  • 7 Replies

Well lets see, I got pregnant with my son my junior year of high school 2004. I had him the summer of 2005. Hurrican Katrina hit when he was two months old, but I still finished highschool while working. I broke up with his father. I'll call him (D). Met another guy (W) younger than me, but I was in love he helped me raise my son. After a year I found out he was living about drug use which I'm against. Stupid me stayed with him, we broke up and got back together, then I got pregnant with twin girls had them in 2007. He proposed but it wasn't nothing special. Made me fill like he was doing it cause I was prego. Two years later still never got married and my son is 4 twins are 2. We broke up again for like 6 months. Got back together in 2010. Then last year around the end of March I found out he slept with my then friend. I was heart broken cause even through all the lies, fights, and him still smoking I still loved him. I then met another guy (G). I guess he could be the rebound, but once again I fell in love with him or at least I think I did. He turned out to be another asshole, another immature guy except he is 30. We moved in together and where together for a year. But he just doesn't care about anything. His anger and temper is horrible. He doesn't care who he picks a fight with. Friday he was driving my car with my kids in the back seat. Some young guy was riding our tail so he slams on his breaks gets out the car at a red light and goes up to the guys window and what happens the guy pulls out a razor blade! I jumped in the driver seat and left him there. I'm sick of the way he acts and of course it always gets turned on me. I just keep falling for the immature bad guys. I don't know why. Needless to say I'm done with him. I've haven't been really single for the past 10 years. I've only been with 3 guys and only dated 4 my whole life. Over the past years my sons father (D) has continued to try and be with me when ever me and whoever I'm with breaks up. Just two weeks ago he tried again asking me out. My twins father got back with his first gf from school and now there are engaged. He gave her the ring he gave me. I didn't keep it cause its his family's ring. And even though there engaged he still messages me telling me he loves me more than her and blah blah blah. My whole life has sucked except my children. All I ever wanted was to be loved like I love them, to get married, to have my family and be happy. But, no I'm stuck in this circle that just doesn't end. I'm sorry girls I just needed to vent. 

by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 10:49 AM
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Replies (1-7):
heretolisten
by Bronze Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:05 AM
4 moms liked this

DANG!!!!  Girl, time to board up the va-jay-jay and stand on your own two feet manless for a good year or more and find yourself.  Then, and only then will you realize that a man is something you can do without and should you find yourself wanting one, you'll know what you NEED from him and when to slam the door from the jump.  Good luck.  

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 2:00 PM
2 moms liked this

Welcome!

Sounds to me like it's time to take care of you... learn who you are, do what you enjoy doing and focus on being a mommy and taking care of your kids.  Make YOURSELF happy for a change.

KJ_on
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 9:26 PM
2 moms liked this

I am thirding thier advice! you will never find a man worth having if you constantly reqire any man as long as yuo arent alone. thats when you draw the loosers in. I was single for two years from the time ex and i split. I bettered myself have a great job. and was happy and centred with life just the three of us. and BAM! in walked my fiance. A wonderful amazing man. that Honesllty if i had been a seriel dater/ monagomist I would have missed him. It was my confidse and sence of self and that underlying sence that I didnt NEED him I CHOOSE him that drew him in

bjane01
by Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:13 AM
2 moms liked this
Take some time on your own to figure things out. Ask yourself...why are you attracted to these men? Why are they attracted to you? I have found that these type of men look for kind hearted giving women that they can exploit. I suspect that your ex's want you back because they want a backup plan in case they need to use you more. Also, It is likely you are atrracted to these men because like a lost puppy dog you want to take them in and fix them. Maybe you have a need to be needed.

Take some time alone to discover what it feels like to be alone. Once you do it, you might find it peaceful. Make a list of qualities you expect in a man. Then if you begin dating go super slow. Keep eyes wide open and look for signs of how they treat people. It doesn't matter so much in the begining if they treat you special. How do they treat their family friends the waiter etc!? When the excitement of a new relationship wears off, this is how they will treat you. Are they considerate of your feelings? What is thier history? History tends to repeat itself.

By all means be careful. Your children deserve your diligence in who you choose to be in their lives.
OCALAMOMOFTWINS
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:17 AM
1 mom liked this

I know what you are looking for, honey, because we have all been there. You are looking for a knight in shining armour to take care of you, make your life better, complete you. You will never find that, it does not exist. No man can ever make you happy. Happiness comes from within. If you keep heaping unrealistic expectations on every man you meet, they will always let you down and you will resent them for it.

I am not saying that you have not had your fair share of jerks, though. You are young, take some time off from the morons and discover yourself. Get comfortable with her, love her. Enjoy your kids. Make yourself strong and independant. Then, when the right man comes along, and he will, you will be ready.

Your children deseve a Mommy that is happy and totally there with them and for them. You cannot do that if you keep letting these jerks into your life. You are young and have a bright future ahead of you. Don't let anyone take that from you.

Good luck, we are here for you!

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:39 AM
I agree with the other ladies you need to learn to love yourself do you don't keep inviting the bad in. That's what I had to do
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
steviechick
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:32 AM

I also agree with the rest of the ladies.  You need to start liking yourself first before you move on with another man.  Find out what you like to do and go do it - without a man.  Spend more time with your child and bond.  Being a mom first and foremost will actually wake you up to what is more important in your life. 

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