Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

divorced parents worse nightmare

Posted by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 12:24 PM
  • 19 Replies

So, my children are visiting their dad. This is the first time he has had them in a year. He lives in North Carolina. We have a 10 year old girl and two boys 8 and 6. He has pretty much been in and out their entire life. Well, of course they are doing fun things and having a blast. My 10 year old told me she wanted to live with her dad. She wasn't malicious about it. She is still there so I didn't want to discuss it. I told her in a couple years maybe. She said ok. She didn't seemed bothered by the answer. I was so freaking hurt though.


I love them so much. I spend time with them, care for them, put them in activities, make sure they eat right, go to school. ect ect. Then he spends one week with them and our daughter wants to go live with him. Then on top of that I guess she had some mild cramps and her step mom just thought she might start her period. She explained all that to my daughter. That is something I wanted to do. Blah. Anyway, I don't know if that is normal. I don't know if I should be so hurt about it.

by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 12:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs!!
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jul. 7, 2013 at 1:35 PM

 hugs

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 2:02 PM
2 moms liked this

Totally normal to be hurt, but it's also normal for her to want to go where she thinks the "grass is greener".  She'll learn soon enough that vacatin life is definitely not the same as real life if she were to stay there.

Ms_mom_81
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 2:08 PM

Yeah, a friend said kids live in the moment. Right now she is having fun. It just sucks. He is active duty military. He was deployed 4 years out of our 8 year marriage. We have nearly been divorced 3 years and he has seen the kids for about two weeks in the past 2 years. He was in North Korea for the 2nd year of the divorce. I don't think it would be stable for her to be there. If he deployed she would have to move back home and that could be in the middle of the school year ect. I know I don't have to worry about this for a couple years. The wheels are turning now though!!


Quoting amonkeymom:

Totally normal to be hurt, but it's also normal for her to want to go where she thinks the "grass is greener".  She'll learn soon enough that vacatin life is definitely not the same as real life if she were to stay there.



sid1083
by Silver Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 5:14 PM
1 mom liked this
My only question is at 10, why hasn't anything been talked about with regards to menstruation or symptoms? I understand you're hurt about that, but were you waiting for her to start before having the talk?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Ms_mom_81
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 5:27 PM

We have lightly discussed it, but menarche usually occurs at age 11-15.  Either way, I think if I thought someone's daughter was starting her period I would call. That is just me. She just stated she had stomach cramps.


Quoting sid1083:

My only question is at 10, why hasn't anything been talked about with regards to menstruation or symptoms? I understand you're hurt about that, but were you waiting for her to start before having the talk?



krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 7:22 PM

My kids do that sometimes, I call it "disneydad syndrome". It sucks, always has and always will. I could have written your post, I do everything, dad does the fun disney type stuff. For the first time ever he is having to parent the boys doing homework which has been a laugh most of the summer. At least its not disney for the boys this summer.

I went to see my kiddos this weekend, took the girls to a wedding the boys didn't want to go. Which was fine. When my ex brought my girls to the hotel my youngest comes running up to me, jumps in my arms and gives me the biggest hug. Talk about a mommy moment, all weekend she would just randomly come up and give me a hug. 

Ms_mom_81
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 7:32 PM


Yeah, my friend calls him a disney land dad. It is all show when they are there. I know he loves them, as much as he is capable of love in general. Actions speak louder than words. He calls once a week, month, or whenever. Half the time he let's his wife's son talk to them. He doesn't even exercise 1/4 of his visiation. My boys want to come home. I know our daughter living with him won't even be an option for awhile, but it has hit that it will be a possiblity that they won't always live with me.

Quoting krisnkids:

My kids do that sometimes, I call it "disneydad syndrome". It sucks, always has and always will. I could have written your post, I do everything, dad does the fun disney type stuff. For the first time ever he is having to parent the boys doing homework which has been a laugh most of the summer. At least its not disney for the boys this summer.

I went to see my kiddos this weekend, took the girls to a wedding the boys didn't want to go. Which was fine. When my ex brought my girls to the hotel my youngest comes running up to me, jumps in my arms and gives me the biggest hug. Talk about a mommy moment, all weekend she would just randomly come up and give me a hug. 



dawncs
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 8:48 PM

She is at an age where she longs for a relationship with her father more than she has now. She remembers the old days when you two were together probably pretty fondly. She does not realize family dynamics do change when a person remarries. I know this from personal experience and my parents are divorced. My Mom is his first wife whom he divorced. He has been married three more times, and the family dynamics do change. She probably does not remember the moving associated with the military. She could like the area, but she has no idea that it is temporary placement. He will move again, and she would have to change schools. Besides, she would also be competing with  her step brother for attention as it shows with her father and the telephone.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:52 AM
The grass is always greener

Quoting amonkeymom:

Totally normal to be hurt, but it's also normal for her to want to go where she thinks the "grass is greener".  She'll learn soon enough that vacatin life is definitely not the same as real life if she were to stay there.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN