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Meeting the Ex...

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 9:16 AM
  • 16 Replies

The guy i'm dating (who is fantastic) is very amicable with his ex-wife. Their kids are well adjusted and polite as are mine.  We have been together for many months now and the kids have met and play well together and we spend quite a bit of time in family settings while still keeping our families seperate.  Thus far, I've steered clear of her and avoided chance meetings because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable with the kids around. So, last week I was at his house when she dropped off the kids so I asked him to let her know that I was there so again, I wouldn't catch her off guard.  She dropped the boys off at the door and bolted so I figured that she wasn't into meeting just yet (This is his forst relationship and they have been divorced for 2 years).

Anyway, she sent him a text last night saying that she hears nothing but great things about me from the boys and would like to meet me but (as I assumed) when the kids aren't around.  Long story short, I've never been in this situation before and it gives me a little anxiety.  She is very intelligent and rational and many people say we would get along really well under different circumstances so I don't anticipate any dramatics but i've never done this.... Any tips?

by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 9:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
daisybaby91
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this
You seem to be approaching this with a good attitude. Props. Just show her the respect that it sounds like she deserves as your boyfriends kids mom, and i'm sure it will go fine.
Jennyanne322
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 9:21 AM
I would invite her to lunch, but make it on her "turf." She will feel more comfortable that way.
hnye77
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 9:23 AM

Oh, good Idea.  I hadn't even thought about doing it away from him but that might be the best option. Thank you so much.  You know how sometimes we miss things from inside the bubble that were meant to be seen... yep, that just happened to me.

mmpdrs07
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this

Beyond meeting her on her turf to make her feel more comfortable, just be yourself.  I have done the "meet the mom" thing before and as long as you remain calm things should go smoothly.  

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 9, 2013 at 11:47 AM

Good Luck!

steviechick
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 3:37 PM

I know one day I will end up meeting my SO's ex IF they divorced on good terms.  I'm sure that he will continue to have a relationship with his kids and that would also include the ex (marriages, grand kids, etc).  I hope she likes me and me her.  I'm actually easy going and down to earth.  Most people like me right off the bat.  I agree with asking her to lunch.  Have her pick the restaurant and go from there.  At least she is willing to meet you and have a cordial relationship.  Not all ex-wifes and gf's of ex-wives exes get along.  Good luck!

cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:44 AM

Be yourself. I'm sure it will  be awkward, but be as calm as possible. Set it for a date and time that you won't feel rushed.

Barblicious
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 4:03 PM

If she sent that text AFTER the quick escape while dropping off the boys, I would assume it was merely an "explanation" for her quick departure. I would not have taken it as an invite to have lunch. LOL Maybe that is just me? Was anything else texted that made it seem like she wanted to meet you - privately and soon?


hnye77
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 9:21 AM

Thanks Barbalicious,

Your reply is more in line with what I was originally thinking.  I'm certain that she is interested in meeting me because i'm going to be around her kids but, I don't think there is a sense of urgency.

lnrmom
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 10:00 AM

Just keep a good attitude, stay polite, and remain respectful.

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