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Lost confused separated new mom

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:29 AM
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Hi my name is Kay and I'm a new mom my son Ryan is 7 month now. Since my life is no close book I need to let it is well I met my husband 2 years ago and he hit it off he was together everyday I was 21 and I fell in love with him he seemed like he was different from the guys I came across..my family put me out so I went to live with him about 6 months after I got pregnant with my son in march right before my birthday in April.. When I told him and showed him the sonogram after my birthday he seemed happy and then in may he told me I had to get an abortion I didn't agree with it by this being my first baby after a miscarriage with twins..so after he claimed I tricked him into having a baby he put me out at 4 months I ha no where to go so I begged my family to let me stay around this time I tried communicating with him about the sex of the baby and everything but by him having at girlfriend who had 3 children of her own I felt like he playing daddy to them an wont even step up to be a dad to mines..when I was 6 months he reached out to me because they was having relationship problems and me being a nice person and his friend I was there for him thru it all he would show up at my family house late night crying and blowing up my phone early morning phone calls going to work everything he use to do when we was together it was like he never left..he kept saying he ready to come home and I believed him..they broke up he put her out and moved me in now I'm 9 months by this time and we packed up and moved from Maryland to Pennsylvania to start out new life together..we was in pa by thanksgiving week of 2012 and soon after my son was born dec 9 2012 he wasn't there for that but we was his family soon after our release back to pa we went I was a single parent doing everything by myself he wouldn't even bond with his first son..when my son turned 3 months this year march, me n his father went to Vegas for a trip and we got married now after that I ended up pregnant again but didn't know it or found out until may after my birthday and that's when he'll broke loose arguments escalated worse to worst by June he made me move out just to move his new girlfriend in.. He threaten my life twice telling me we was hive me killed and now he wanna take my son from me..he told me of I don't sign these annulment papers ima get a visit and I'm not going to like it.. Now since I didn't have no where to go I once again beg my family to let me stay with my son he tureen his back on us and left us homeless for a new chick..I'm lost hurt and don't know what to do..I have people fussing at me on what I should do and I'm like please leave me alone.. I don't have help like I had with him and money is tight..I don't have an support circle so it's just me and my son with no help from him or my family.. I'm depressed and seeking guide from anybody who may have went thru this..I've been crying and shutting down giving up on life itself and I'm tired of hurting because I know he's happy now..where do I start to get over this ?
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs!!!

SnowWhieQueen
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:51 AM

wow thats a lot to go trew im very sorry ...u just have to live day by day..that all u really can do....good luck!!

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:42 PM

You have to take each day one step at a time.  My ex did the same thing to me.  Cheated on me for three years, did all kinds of mental abuse to me and our daughter.  Once we found out about his affair he continued to treat us both like crap.  I have a family and a big circle of friends.  Not like you, though.  They helped me get thru the sleepless nights, the many tears and the anger I was going through.  If you don't have anyone to turn to then I would suggest going to a local church.  They have free assistance there both fiancially for you, food, and even shelter they can provide on a temporary basis.  Also, what you need are friends and someone you can talk to.  Counselors are at churches.  Can you go and seek help at your local church?  I would start there.

idunno1234
by Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Holy Cow, that's hard to get through!

Sadly, your story is virtually identical to probably a million women out there.

Why do we keep doing this to ourselves??  Why is it that so often we are our own worst enemies??

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. From here on our you need to make better choices and most important,. get on some sort of birth control and be more responsible with sex. This guy did not want the first kid, he suddenly came around so you got married and got pregnant again. Pregnancy and or the lack of use of any birth control needs to be discussed. You are only 21 and pregnant with your second kid.

Your post was hard to read because it was one block of text but where are you staying now? How far alomg are you with the second pregnancy? Are you sure you are able to take care of both these kids and yourself and how do you plan on doing that? You should be seeing if you can get into a homeless shelter for women. Second apply for WIC and foodstamps. 3rd, you ar probably going to have to apply for TANF/welfare if you are not working. I would even apply for section 8 but there might be a waiting list. You will have to file for child support. paternity is going to have to be established on the second child.

Ae you even divorced? How can he just get you to sign annulment papers. As far as i know you do not qualify for an annulment since you are pregnant. you can see if you can go to your county superiour court website or call down there, to see if there is any family court or divorce action.

Please stay away from men, and focus on taking care of you and your kids. Also no man is going to take you and your kids in and be nice to them,. If you cannot get into a shelter see if you have any friends or family you can stay with.

Good luck

Rsjmom2012
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:38 PM
I'm 23 and I aborted the second it was my choice when I found out I made the choice to abort it because my son was too young and I knew at one point I was gonna be on my own with one not 2... I'm staying with family until I'm able to finish school get my certifications to work..when I got pregnant I was on birth control and we got married because I thought and believed his lies that he loved us..by me moving my life to another state I haven't canceled anything I just travel back and forth since its states away just for doctors and anything for my son it's harder to transfer his records so Im not trying to fight to get them transferred again


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. From here on our you need to make better choices and most important,. get on some sort of birth control and be more responsible with sex. This guy did not want the first kid, he suddenly came around so you got married and got pregnant again. Pregnancy and or the lack of use of any birth control needs to be discussed. You are only 21 and pregnant with your second kid.


Your post was hard to read because it was one block of text but where are you staying now? How far alomg are you with the second pregnancy? Are you sure you are able to take care of both these kids and yourself and how do you plan on doing that? You should be seeing if you can get into a homeless shelter for women. Second apply for WIC and foodstamps. 3rd, you ar probably going to have to apply for TANF/welfare if you are not working. I would even apply for section 8 but there might be a waiting list. You will have to file for child support. paternity is going to have to be established on the second child.


Ae you even divorced? How can he just get you to sign annulment papers. As far as i know you do not qualify for an annulment since you are pregnant. you can see if you can go to your county superiour court website or call down there, to see if there is any family court or divorce action.


Please stay away from men, and focus on taking care of you and your kids. Also no man is going to take you and your kids in and be nice to them,. If you cannot get into a shelter see if you have any friends or family you can stay with.


Good luck


Rsjmom2012
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:40 PM
I ask myself that everyday and I hate the fact that I suffer from depression so it's harder for me to bounce back and get up on my feet


Quoting idunno1234:

Holy Cow, that's hard to get through!


Sadly, your story is virtually identical to probably a million women out there.


Why do we keep doing this to ourselves??  Why is it that so often we are our own worst enemies??


dawncs
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:43 PM
1 mom liked this

You have to realize he is a player and cheater right now. He does not realize that you can't get an annulment when you are pregnant or there is a child involved. The state has done this to protect the children from the marriage. I want you to gather witnesses right now that you are the primary caregiver of your son because he will probably fight you for custody to avoid paying child support. He knows this from being involved with women who have children about child support and the percentages. I recommend making all correspondence in emails. Tell him if you threaten me with violence that you will wind up with charges with the police. Always have a cell phone on you since he is threatening you even if it is a prepaid cell phone. You can get one pretty afforable that way, and it allows you to call 911. I recommend going to the state welfare office and file for these things: WIC, Medicaid, Food Stamps, Childcare assistance, and TANF. Tell them you are married but pregnant. He threw you out. This will cause an automatic child support hearing on him. You need to file for emergency child custody hearing, and you can find these papers online. State in writing that he threw you out pregnant with an infant son with no money or financial support for a girlfriend. State that he has cheated on you several times. See if you can get a morality cause that no one can have a sleepover with the opposite sex who is not married to you. I recommend getting in touch with an abused women's shelter because there is help for you through them.

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:54 PM

 Ok so you are not currently pregnant now? Are you working at all or just going to school?

This man does not love you. I am not sure why he married you. If birth control failed then please incorporate condom use but really another man is that last thing you need right now. You do not need to get pregnant again. It sounds like you have been pregnant at least 3 times already and you are only 23.

good for you on going to school. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Write men off for now, most are up to no good. File for child support. Does baby daddy work at all? The state where you have lived for 6 months has jurisdiction if no court papers have been filed but I doubt you had an annullment given you already have a kid with this guy. If you have met the jurisdiction requirements for your current state you might be able to file there. You should call legal aid to see if they can help you at all.


Quoting Rsjmom2012:

I'm 23 and I aborted the second it was my choice when I found out I made the choice to abort it because my son was too young and I knew at one point I was gonna be on my own with one not 2... I'm staying with family until I'm able to finish school get my certifications to work..when I got pregnant I was on birth control and we got married because I thought and believed his lies that he loved us..by me moving my life to another state I haven't canceled anything I just travel back and forth since its states away just for doctors and anything for my son it's harder to transfer his records so Im not trying to fight to get them transferred again


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. From here on our you need to make better choices and most important,. get on some sort of birth control and be more responsible with sex. This guy did not want the first kid, he suddenly came around so you got married and got pregnant again. Pregnancy and or the lack of use of any birth control needs to be discussed. You are only 21 and pregnant with your second kid.


Your post was hard to read because it was one block of text but where are you staying now? How far alomg are you with the second pregnancy? Are you sure you are able to take care of both these kids and yourself and how do you plan on doing that? You should be seeing if you can get into a homeless shelter for women. Second apply for WIC and foodstamps. 3rd, you ar probably going to have to apply for TANF/welfare if you are not working. I would even apply for section 8 but there might be a waiting list. You will have to file for child support. paternity is going to have to be established on the second child.


Ae you even divorced? How can he just get you to sign annulment papers. As far as i know you do not qualify for an annulment since you are pregnant. you can see if you can go to your county superiour court website or call down there, to see if there is any family court or divorce action.


Please stay away from men, and focus on taking care of you and your kids. Also no man is going to take you and your kids in and be nice to them,. If you cannot get into a shelter see if you have any friends or family you can stay with.


Good luck



 

Rsjmom2012
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 3:07 PM
Since we separated men been the last thing on my mind my son comes first and I have gotten another form of birth control..since being married I did get pregnant but no longer dealing with that..I'm looking into things now..he refused to work so we won't have to pay he hasn't work for a company for some years now but he has a business in his name but not registered at all..he told me if I take him for child support he gonna get custody of my son and take him from me like his did his daughter mother he made her drop the case and they was battling hard over his daughter



Quoting dawncs:

You have to realize he is a player and cheater right now. He does not realize that you can't get an annulment when you are pregnant or there is a child involved. The state has done this to protect the children from the marriage. I want you to gather witnesses right now that you are the primary caregiver of your son because he will probably fight you for custody to avoid paying child support. He knows this from being involved with women who have children about child support and the percentages. I recommend making all correspondence in emails. Tell him if you threaten me with violence that you will wind up with charges with the police. Always have a cell phone on you since he is threatening you even if it is a prepaid cell phone. You can get one pretty afforable that way, and it allows you to call 911. I recommend going to the state welfare office and file for these things: WIC, Medicaid, Food Stamps, Childcare assistance, and TANF. Tell them you are married but pregnant. He threw you out. This will cause an automatic child support hearing on him. You need to file for emergency child custody hearing, and you can find these papers online. State in writing that he threw you out pregnant with an infant son with no money or financial support for a girlfriend. State that he has cheated on you several times. See if you can get a morality cause that no one can have a sleepover with the opposite sex who is not married to you. I recommend getting in touch with an abused women's shelter because there is help for you through them.


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