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The deadbeat dad ... Do you file for custody even if the father is not interested in being a father ?

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 9:04 PM
  • 15 Replies
Need advice so please share your thoughts, opinions, and experiences. I currently have a 5 mo daughter. Her father has made it clear that he has NO interest in supporting or seeing her ever. I realize that he could change his mind someday although I doubt it. We were not married and he is not listed on her birth certificate so technically he has no rights to her wo a paternity test, which he doesn't want to take. So my question is should I go to court and have him established as her father and file for sole custody or just leave well enough alone since I am technically the only person that has custody and rts to our daughter??? Also I am not going after him for support bc I don't want him to be spiteful and get visitation only to drop her off w his evil mother. Thoughts .... Thanks.
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 9:04 PM
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by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 9:19 PM
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I guess depending on where you live.

I'm in Canada our laws are different. I did with my kids, cause if custody is not established in paper and through court or lawyers no parent has any more right then the other parent, if they are involved or not.

My ex took my DD for 2 weeks and didn't ask. Police could not touch it cause their was ni custody order in place. I did it ASAP after that and then for my 2 other kids different dad then my first.
He was not in the BC
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 9:24 PM

It's a toughie... if you file for custody, he may decide to fight back, for fear that the courts will insist on child support. Did you give her his last name or just yours? My advice would be to see the self help desk at your local court house. You definitely want to make sure that he can't just pop up and sue you for custody either. It's all so ugly (believe me I have seen it all...). You may be ok if his name isn't on the birth certificate, but you might be safer if you can do something to get him stating he waives all parental rights.

by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 10:08 PM
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My best friend is going through the same thing sort of. Dead beat baby daddy dumped her and said it wasn't his when she told him she was prego. Had nothing really to do w her or the pregnancy much even though she did send him text here and there updating him in the beginning. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago he has his nana text her to call him(he was blocked on her phone after w went off on her calling her every name in the book). She called him off my boyfriends phone(so if he called back he'd have to deal with my man) he wants to know if he can be there when the baby is born blah blah blah. Her plan was to deliver only let a select people know file for a DNA test, custody and child support. When she talked to a lawyer he said that until DNA was proven there technically was no father an since the baby would have her last name and no dad listed he couldn't touch the baby. The lawyer also said that after a DNA test proved he was the father they could fight for full custody and child support and dad not see baby. But every state is different. So you should definitely talk to somebody. Also if you go to the family serviced website it should have a link go child support enforcement and you can file you DNA test and custody and support through the state. I hope everything works out in the best for you as your baby.
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 10:18 PM
Also are you wanting support or can you do it on your own with out state assistance? If you don't want support and he is not listed on the birth paper or has his last name then he has no right to her what so ever
by Group Admin on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:13 PM
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If he isn't on the birth certificate then by law you don't have to let him see the baby. I would file for sole custody just to be on the safe side.

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 7:15 AM
The issue I guess I am having is that he isn't listed on his bc and she has my last name he doesn't have any legal rt to her. However, once I establish paternity through court he has rts. I am doing this on my own, I have a good job. So if I petition the court for sole custody then they will establish him as her father and he has rts then. He hasn't been there from the beginning, wanted me to have an abortion, then give our daughter to his friend whose wife can't get pregnant. I have saved every evil text he has ever sent about being a father in case I ever need documentation for court someday.
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 7:18 AM
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I'd do it simply to make sure everything is covered. CYA is always the best motto to have in custody situations.

by Gold Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 7:30 AM
If you aren't seeking child support, then I wouldnt get a custody order. Most likely he is gone for good.
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 8:47 AM
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I wouldn't bother.  He has no claim to the child and doubtful that he would ever intitiate a court claim because it would cost him money.  Spare yourself the potential emotional rollercoaster.  If you can do it alone, there is no need to seek custody.  Legally speaking, your child only has one parent at this time, thus you already have sole legal and physical custody by law. 

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 10:15 AM

Nobody has "custody" of my oldest. I've never had a problem.

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