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Your Custody Experience

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 8:04 AM
  • 10 Replies

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum.  Single mom - have never been married.  There is no custody order in place.  Child's dad is on birth certification.  I have spoken to some family attorneys.  I understand my rights today.  What I would like to know is from moms who have gone through custody battles - what was your outcome?  I'm considering moving out of state.  What I want to know is if I move and should he seek out for visitation later, would the court likely ask me to pay for all traveling expenses etc. because I moved and I make 4x more than dad?  He currently is not in the picture and has not paid child support.

After speaking to a few attorneys, I understand that each situation is unique and there is no way to know for sure what would be decided.  However, I would just like to have a sense from those whom have been through this and what was the outcome. 

Many thanks!!!


by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 8:04 AM
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by Group Admin on Jul. 11, 2013 at 9:12 AM
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From what I've read typically travel expenses are split 50/50. If you're moving and he's not in the picture I wouldn't even tell him. In my opinion men don't suddenly grow up and decide they want to be a father.

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 9:25 AM

Hi, and welcome to the group.

I would think that the travel expenses are split 50/50. Your bf wasn't married to you so he's not legally held responsible for your traveling expenses.  If your bf wants to seek visitation then he has to through the courts.  IF he's the kind of father to visit his kids then its up to him to arrange this legally through the courts.  You have to be present in order to fight against the visitation, otherwise, you will be sent info on the arrangements the courts set up between  your kids and their father.  Even if you make 4x more then your kid's father that makes no difference.  You were never married.  No 'binding' legal agreement to enforce. 

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 9:38 AM

I too make more than my kids Dad but certainly not 4 times the amount.  He moved out of state (10 hours away) and we came to an amicable 50/50 travel expense amount.  He could have been stuck with 100% but couldn't afford it and then visitation wouldn't happen which..... is bad for everyone in my case. Visitation and support can be reviewed when requested to the state by either party but it has to go through the court and that costs money.  Most likely he would have to hire an attorney.  Sorry I can't give more information but I feel that the leaving party usually looses the most rights.  However, if he has not been a parental figure thus far, your situation is completely different than most others anyway...

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 10:07 AM

If dad is not in the picture and has not paid child support, then likely it wouldn't be a problem. I moved while I was still legally married, and thankfully it didn't bite me in the ass. I was young though and my oldest's dad didn't have the finances to sue for custody (thank God) and my ex-husband was praying I didn't tell his command about his cheating (Navy).

If there is no custody order in place, then don't stress it. There's no order to ammend. If dad is not in the child's life, again, don't stress it. I wouldn't. If he seeks out visitation later, which I doubt he will, then cross that bridge when you come to it.

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:08 PM

My xh split when our relationship needed. Once we got to court it was ordered that he has to meet me 1/2, which from what I hear is standard.

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:14 PM

they are split fifty - fifty


by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Me personally Id move without telling him. he doesn't come visit anyway he will never know you moved.
But for the just in case have stuff drawn up giving you full custody and him the shittiest possible visitation, because if he ACTUALLY CARED he would see his kid now as often as possible. and if he says something file them. Otherwise if he doesn't give a shit like he does now. he really doesn't need to know where his kid is.
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by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:01 PM

Thanks everyone for your response so far.  How was visitation determined for your situation when dad does not live in the same state?  For example, 1 day every month - child fly back to see dad?  How many weeks in the summer? etc.

My kid is only 3 so at what age would court then order (if it ever gets to that point) that I send him back to visit dad.  Did you ever have to deal with this situation when your kid(s) were young?  Until he would be old enough for court to deem that he could travel on his own, does it mean dad would have to figure out how to come for visits?  I obviously wouldn't want to be burden to having to transport my kid back and forth between states and I will not let him just go with dad at this age for safety reasons that I will not even go into.

Obviously these questions are just for my knowledge at this point because it is a bridge I don't know if I would ever need to cross but I would like know what I could possibly be dealing with.

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:49 PM

Just do what you can to protect yourself. Find out if there is anything you can do to show that dad is not part of this. I got screwed by the courts. It is all about protecting yourself.

by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 8:29 PM

I would get a court order before you move stating that you have sole custody of the child and have him waive his rights if he's not involved. 

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