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(Vent) DS will never get the chance...

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:55 AM
  • 13 Replies

I'm pleased that sperm donor wasn't in our lives to damage DS because he was unwilling and unable to be the man he should have been and could have been, but it's still difficult to accept that because of this, both myself and DS will never have the chance to have the full family experience that we deserved.  DS is nearly 3 and doesn't know what a daddy is.  He's now getting old enough to recognize that cartoons have daddy charcters and this is just really starting to bring about a great deal of sadness for me. With each passing month is another month where my beautiful child won't know what it's like to grow up with a father in the home or in his life the way a father should be in his life.  Even military children get letters, visits during leave, Skype conversations.  The daddy in their lives come back and God forbid they don't, at least they had a father who loved them and didn't leave them or their mother intentionally.  

And no options for replacement is another all too difficult reality.  I hoped that by now I would have possibly met someone to be a constant and secure presence in my life to show my son what a real man is all about.  But that hasn't happened either.  Living in a society where biological fathers can turn on their children/walk away is also a society where men certainly aren't chomping at the bit to get to know a woman who has a child by another man who walked away from them.  

"Someday the right guy will come along".  Sure, we have all heard it, but that someday won't repair the loss of today, yesterday or tomorrow.  

I really am feeling a great sense of loss lately.  

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lnrmom
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:00 AM

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Do you have brothers or brother in laws, your father, male cousins, Uncles, male friends, etc that can step into that role for your DS? My brother-in-law filled the role for my kids for quite some time. They know that real men work hard and take care of their families because that's what he does. He may not be in MY house, but he is a stellar example of how real men do.

Your son is 3 years old. I know that it sucks right now, but try to relax. Whatever is supposed to happen, will happen. Whether you're supposed to be single until he moves out or you're destined to meet your true love while he's young, who knows? But ultimately, all will be good. Perhaps get him involved in Big Brothers, Big Sisters when he is old enough?

heretolisten
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:12 AM

Sadly, my brother passed away when my son was six weeks old.  My brother-in-law has no interest in being in my/our life.  My father is elderly and in failing health which limits his involvement with my son (he can't carry him, chase after him, etc.)  I don't have any male cousins.  Most the males in my extended family are deceased and even when they were alive, they were estranged by their choice.  I don't even have any male friends anymore.   I will be looking into big brother, but the fact still remains, my son will never know what it's like to have a daddy in his life and it hurts like heck. Granted, he won't know any different and likely won't care, but still....I'm dreading the day he asks me "do I have a daddy?".  :(  

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:12 AM
1 mom liked this

Many children have been raised by single mothers and they turn out just fine. Trust me, you would rather have no father figure in the child's life than a bad one.

A good response to 'do I have a daddy' would be, everyone has a daddy, but for the lucky kids who don't have one in their lives they get Supermom instead.

dawncs
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:03 PM
1 mom liked this

When he gets old enough, there is an organization called Big Brother Big Sister (http://www.bbbs.org/). It is a great organization. I have a friend who got one for her son. It was a great experience for her and her son.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

steviechick
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:33 PM

I heard that Big Bro Big Sis is a great organization.  It truly does help kids that have absent fathers. 

 

heretolisten
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:30 PM



Quoting krisnkids:


A good response to 'do I have a daddy' would be, everyone has a daddy, but for the lucky kids who don't have one in their lives they get Supermom instead.


I LOVE THIS!!! 


And yes, I intend to look into big brothers when he's older .. if the need arises.  Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and find Mr. Right before that day happens.  Fingers crossed anyway.  ;)  

caramel85
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 6:13 PM

 I tell you what, I'm tired of hearing from people about statistics of children from single moms growing up to be criminals, uneducated individuals of society, etc. I'm a child of divorced parents, and only child at that and I turned out just fine. My mom was a strong single mother. It all depends on how the children are raised.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 7:02 PM

 your family is complete the way it is. accept that and dont look for a man to "be his father figure" because most men run screaming from that scenario. it is understandable to be disappointed in your shoes, but it isnt the end of the world. get therapy or talk to a friend, and come to terms, and then look to be positive in life.

LifeCafe42
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:06 PM
I have some male friends that hang out with us and his grandpas go to all of his father stuff for school. We adjust. He told the neighbors kid. I don't have a dad I don't need one I have a mom. He's 3 too
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Dabombmom402
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 10:11 AM
Try big bro programs.
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