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My daughters are total opposites

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:05 PM
  • 6 Replies

I am the mother of 2. My daughters ages are 10 and 11. They are total opposites. The 11 year old is very motivated and is always talking about what she wants to do when she grows up. On the other hand the 10 year old has no interest in school whatsoever. She could care less about school and homework. She has been in extra classes for her slow learning but I worry so much about her. I do not agree with a 10 and 11 year old having a phone but my mom bought them a phone to share last Christmas. This phone has caused so much drama in our household with the 10 year old because she constantly wants to do nothing but text her friends and family all day. The texts are innocent I must say so nothing out of the ordinary. I do read the texts from time to time and she basically text her aunts and cousins throughout the day to keep in touch with them. For some reason that phone makes her feel so good. My oldest daughter does not care for the phone as much. Every now and then she will ask the youngest to hold it so that she can text her friends but that's about it. My youngest daughter guards this phone so closely that I have never seen her be so obsessed with something like it.

 

My youngest is always saying that I love her older sister more and that I treat her better. Now although they do have total different personalities I could never love one over the other or have a favorite. I am constantly explaining to her that I love them both the same and that I get onto her more because unlike her sister she does not follow my directions and do what is told of her. She will do something that she knows will piss me off and then come back and say "mommy are you mad at me"? I just dont know how to go about parenting her anymore. She takes up the most of my time and attention that I am suprised my oldest daughter doesnt hate me for this. I have to ask my youngest to do something over and over again before it gets done. She gets upset with me when I do not agree with what she chose to wear on a particular day and she will mope around, give me attitude and then come back later with the fact that she feels that I treat her older sister better. I never tell her that she needs to be like her older sister because even though I wish she was more like her I never want her to feel that there is anything wrong with her.

 

 I am constantly doing what I can to highten her self esteem and to help her feel good about herself so that she will remain confident. I hate to say this but sometimes I honestly feel like I am going to be doing this for the rest of her life. She does not have any motivation and simple things like showering everyday, putting on deoderant and brushing her teeth is something that I have to constantly remind her to do. Just this morning she was getting ready to walk out of the house without a bra and I had to tell her to put a bra on and the reasons why she wears it. I even have to go behind her to make sure she brushes her teeth good because there were many times to where she would get to school and have stains on her teeth. She mentally tires me out. After a day with her I am drained. Do you know of any ways that I can make this easier for myself and for her as well. I want her to love herself enough to want to do better.

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:05 PM
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Replies (1-6):
steviechick
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:31 PM

group hug

LifeCafe42
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:18 PM
Hugs my sister and I are total opposites too but we are awesome friends now
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amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 1:19 PM

It sounds like maybe she needs a little more attention than her sister does.  Have you tried doing one-on-one projects with her?  Praising her more for the good things she does, etc.?

woodstock525
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 1:50 PM

What about a checklist for her that she can check off?  Like a morning checklist (shower, brush teeth, comb hair, put on bra) and then a PM checklist (do homework, specific chores, etc...). 

Another thing, instead of telling her multiple times something, try telling her once and then asking her to repeat what you've said so that you know she gets it.  You can even have her explain what XYZ means so that you are sure she understands.  Then, leave her to do it or not with consequences for when she doesn't do it (like losing phone time) and rewards (earning time back) when she does do things and doe them right.

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 2:06 PM

group hug

cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Jul. 17, 2013 at 9:49 PM

My sister and I are a year apart and total opposites. Try to spend some one on one time with each of the girls.

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