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Afraid my ex is going to try to take my daughter away from me!

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 2:31 AM
  • 11 Replies

Okay me and my ex have been seperated for over 6 months now he lives in missouri and I live in Illinois, he's finally going to file for divorce (thank goodness) right now we have a aggrement that our daughter is with me through out the week and she goes to her dad's every weekend! I plan on starting cosmetology school in september it will take a year if I go full time and it will take 18 months if I go part time! Well my plans were to have my daughter stay at her dad's while i'm going to school ( if I go full time) for a year and then after I graduate go back to were she stay's with me during the week and goes to her dad's on the weekends, well the other day he called me and we were talking about it and we were going to have her start preschool were he lives which is in missouri, well he told me that he called the school were she will be going to preschool at and he said the lady told him that if she is advanced enough she could start kindergarten the next year which would make her 4 years old, well he was saying that even after I graduate he doesn't think it would be a good idea for her to come back to me if she's going to be in kindergarten because he doesn't think it would be good for her to have to change school's like that! Well this is were it's becoming scary to me I feel like his trying to take her away from me ( even though he's said he would never do that) I've never even heard of a 4 year old starting kindergarten I alway's thought they started when they were 5 I fell like he's using that as excuse to keep her from me and it's scaring the shit out of me I don't want to lose my little girl I haven't been able to sleep because i've been thinking about it so much, I don't know what to do!

Please I could really use so advice! I don't want to lose my baby she's my world i'm at a point were i'm thinking about giving school up all together and just getting a job, but I don't want to do that because I want to make a better life for my daughter and me!

by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 2:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mz23
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 3:51 AM
I started kindergarten @4. Why would you givr up school altogether when at worse you can go pqrt time? If your afraid he will keep her, can you set up a written agreement with him stating he will return her at whatever time it is you guys have agreed on? Or canv you place her in day care or prek where you live? Or move closer to him?
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Depending on when her birthday is some schools may let her start kindergarten at 4. If you're worried about him keeping her get a written agreement from him and have it notirized. If he's acting like that though I wouldn't send her.

krisnkids
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:16 AM
2 moms liked this

If you leave her with her dad for a year to go to school, dad will have status quo on his side. If he does not voluntarily return her you will have a hard time proving to the court that it is in the child's best interest to move to your house. Especially if she has started Kindergarden.

Notarized agreements don't mean anything unless it is filed with the court. 


Quoting cjsmom1:

Depending on when her birthday is some schools may let her start kindergarten at 4. If you're worried about him keeping her get a written agreement from him and have it notirized. If he's acting like that though I wouldn't send her.


 

krisnkids
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:17 AM

If she is going to private Kinder then age doesn't matter as much. If she is going to a public school then Missouri cutoff is August 1, Illinois cutoff is September 1.

http://users.stargate.net/~cokids/kindergarten_cut-off_dates.htm

steviechick
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:18 AM

What she said.  DON'T STOP FIGHTING FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. 


Quoting krisnkids:

If you leave her with her dad for a year to go to school, dad will have status quo on his side. If he does not voluntarily return her you will have a hard time proving to the court that it is in the child's best interest to move to your house. Especially if she has started Kindergarden.

Notarized agreements don't mean anything unless it is filed with the court. 

 

Quoting cjsmom1:

Depending on when her birthday is some schools may let her start kindergarten at 4. If you're worried about him keeping her get a written agreement from him and have it notirized. If he's acting like that though I wouldn't send her.

 

 


 

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:26 AM
1 mom liked this
Even if filed with court, it doesn't mean u will get her back.
I did the same thing... I let my kids go for one yr so I could get my life in order ( I had lost my job and was having to move into a friends spare room)... dad's was the best place for my kids. However, one yr turned into 3 and it was hell. I had to move to his state to just get more visitation and then it was another 3 years of custody battles each time just getting more visitation until 50/50. Now I finally have my kids... and ex refuses to even see them.
What i was told by an attorney is every custody order is temporary. Meaning either party can petition to change it. If you let your child go... you are giving him a valid reason to change it. Just because u want her back when school is done is not a valid reason to change back. You will have already set him up to being the primary parent and her enrolled in school there.


Quoting krisnkids:

If you leave her with her dad for a year to go to school, dad will have status quo on his side. If he does not voluntarily return her you will have a hard time proving to the court that it is in the child's best interest to move to your house. Especially if she has started Kindergarden.


Notarized agreements don't mean anything unless it is filed with the court. 




Quoting cjsmom1:


Depending on when her birthday is some schools may let her start kindergarten at 4. If you're worried about him keeping her get a written agreement from him and have it notirized. If he's acting like that though I wouldn't send her.




 


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woodstock525
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 1:09 PM

It sounds like you live fairly close to the ex. Have you thought about moving closer to him and going to a cosmetology program near there so that you can share 50/50 custody with the dad and your daughter wouldn't have to change schools? 

Unless your ex doesn't work, your daughter will be in school plus child care.  That would happen whether you had her and were in school or whether he has her and works.  Why would you give primary custody to him while you are in school if the child care/school situation is the same whether you have your daughter during the week or he does?

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 1:47 PM

I didn't know that. Ds lived with his dad for a year when I finished school, but not getting ds was was never a concern. You're right about the first part. If her dd starts school she'll have a harder time proving to the court she should move back with mom.

Quoting krisnkids:

If you leave her with her dad for a year to go to school, dad will have status quo on his side. If he does not voluntarily return her you will have a hard time proving to the court that it is in the child's best interest to move to your house. Especially if she has started Kindergarden.

Notarized agreements don't mean anything unless it is filed with the court. 


Quoting cjsmom1:

Depending on when her birthday is some schools may let her start kindergarten at 4. If you're worried about him keeping her get a written agreement from him and have it notirized. If he's acting like that though I wouldn't send her.





Katybug75
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 1:51 PM
I started kindergarten at age 5 years old. very rarely do you start at 4 years old. most of the time its either 5 or 6 years old. I really don't think he would have a leg to stand on to take your child from you. for one thing you are working on school and a job. usually they know a daughter needs her momma. I have had much worse with my ex mother in law and my fiancées ex wife is being a jerk to him . wanting more money when the girl is 17 years old. she won't get it though.
krisnkids
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 2:02 PM
2 moms liked this

 I started at 4, my children all started at 4. California's cutoff date has been December 1 for many years. Its changing now, but was December 1 for many many years.


 

Quoting Katybug75:

I started kindergarten at age 5 years old. very rarely do you start at 4 years old. most of the time its either 5 or 6 years old.

 I really don't think he would have a leg to stand on to take your child from you. for one thing you are working on school and a job. usually they know a daughter needs her momma.

This is called "golden uterus syndrome". A daughter needs her momma is very old fashioned and no longer looked highly upon by the court system. There are many dads out there that do a much better job with their daughters than their mothers ever could. It doesn't matter if she is working on school and a job, if the child is with dad for a year that gives him status quo. A child should not have to be uprooted just because a parent gets their act together, there has to be a change in circumstance in the CHILD's life for a court to look at a custody change, not a parent's life.


 

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