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she is 13!!!!!

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 2:15 PM
  • 17 Replies
My oldest child is 13 her father has only seen her once the day we had the dna test done. we got the results back and she is his like I have said for the last 13 years... the other night his mom sent me a message that she would like to get to know her. the whole family knew about her from the time I was 6 months Pregnant. not one time has any of them tried to see her or talk to her so now that the state is going to make her father pay child support the want to meet her... she is 13 and I asked her what she wants she said why would I want to get to know people who have know about me for 13 years but never once tried to see/talk to me.
Single Mom of 3 wonderful kids
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 2:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
woodstock525
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 2:24 PM

I'd say it's up to you.  Having been in a similar situation though with my ds29, and hindsight being 20/20, I wish I would have encouraged him to get to know his dad's side of the family.  At 13 she can say that, but she may change her mind once she opens it and has a chance to get to know his family.  You never know what he may have said to them that's kept them from contacting you or feeling comfortable enough to contact you.

Tigger11681
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 2:35 PM

no I don't know what he told them.. his mom talked to me from the time i told her i was pregnant till 2 days after i had my daughter then never called me after that because I told her not to come up to the hospital because i was in so much pain after a c-section I did not know when most people were there even my best friends... If my daughter ever wants to get to know them I will not stop her but right now I will not make her see people she don't know 

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 4:35 PM

I'm sure he told his family all kinds of stuff about you and that your dd isn't his. Is his mom a bad person? What about the rest of his family? If it was me I'd encourage dd to at least meet them. She's a teenager which is hard enough to deal with, only to finally know who her father is.

Tigger11681
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 4:57 PM

I don't know his mom that well. I know he did not have a good relationship with her till he was a teen and even then it was not the best because of how his parents divorce was and the fact that he lived with his grandparents and aunt more that his own parents. 

Single Mom of 3 wonderful kids
Barblicious
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 5:11 PM

Why did you wait 13 years to do DNA test and collect CS? 

Tigger11681
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 5:22 PM

I did not go after him the state did.  after I had my daughter I did not know were he was until the state sent me a letter to go to court in may for a dna test..

Single Mom of 3 wonderful kids
woodstock525
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 7:23 PM
1 mom liked this

 

 

Quoting Tigger11681:

I did not go after him the state did.  after I had my daughter I did not know were he was until the state sent me a letter to go to court in may for a dna test..

Given this, it is entirely possible that since you didn't pursue paternity testing and child support and custody/visitation right after your dd was born, that her dad's family didn't realize that she was really his.  I know if one of my son's gf's had claimed to have been pregnant with his child, had it and told me not to bother coming to the hospital, and then didn't pursue him for paternity, custody or child support, I would assume that she'd lied about the fact that the child was his and had gone after someone else for all of that. 

It sounds like since paternity was just established in May, that his family is now aware that he has a child and would like to at least meet her now that they know for sure about her existance.  I think it is perfectly understandable why they didn't contact you over the past 13 years.  I would not just send my child over there on her own to meet her dad's family, but you may want to see about meeting his parents in a neutral place...maybe a meal at the mall food court or something like that.  That way you can be there and more than likely both you and your daughter would feel more secure.

 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jul. 19, 2013 at 11:16 PM
At 13 she has the right to decide. It may hurt but let her have the option she may resent you if you don't
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Tigger11681
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 1:31 AM
yes she has a say and as of right now she wants nothing to do with them if at any time she wants different then i will let her and she knows that.
Single Mom of 3 wonderful kids
alexis_06
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 1:35 AM
1 mom liked this

 the choice is hers...whatever she chooses, all you can do is support her, and be there for her...but make sure that she knows that YOU are ok with it..(even if youre not..)

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