Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Posted by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 10:21 AM
  • 19 Replies

Mobile Photo

So I started reading this book, and I has really changed my perspective about how I pursue dating and relationships?

Has anybody else read it?

Basically it talks a lot about how when older (30+) women are dating, the odds are not in our favor because, realistically, most of the good ones are taken. Then we systematically rule out the rest of the good ones because they have a few flaws that we dont like, or cant see ourselves living with. So most women end up alone, instead of 'settling'.

What do you girls think? Would you rather be alone than 'settle'? Or is accepting someone elses flaws a necessity because they are accepting your flaws?
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 10:21 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jul. 20, 2013 at 10:31 AM

I will look for this book at the library. 

Saphira1207
by Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 10:43 AM
2 moms liked this

Both.

I'm happiest when I don't have someone always around bugging me for attention.  I really, really can't stand clingyness.  And this goes for my kids as well as men, but especially men.  They're grown therefore they should be able to entertain themselves while I do my thing.

However, if you (general) want to have someone around all the time you need to be able to accept other peoples flaws.  As you said we all have them, so the real question is what kinds of flaws can you live with/accept and what can't you accept.

For me loud snoring is something I really can't live with.  I'm a light sleeper anyway and while I snore myself it's not generally so loud you can hear it in another room.  That's the kind of snoring I can't tolerate.  I also won't tolerate drinking, drugs, smoking and a temper so bad that things get destroyed.  I know those seem like common sense things but there are an amazing number of men out there with those "habits" and I won't go out with any of them.  And they won't give them up.  I can tolerate gambling but only if the money used for it is taken out of a separate account that is used solely for gambling and all bills are paid from a different account that only I have access to so I can be sure they do, in fact, get paid.  Everything else is negotiable as far as I'm concerened.

As for your question about preferring being single to settling - I've always been perfectly content on my own but I will "settle" if I find someone who fits the criteria above and treats me and my kids well.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 10:45 AM
4 moms liked this

I haven't read it or heard of it for that matter. 

I won't settle for anyone that doesn't meet certain criteria. What is not involved in that criteria that many "Mr. Rights" have the supposed qualities of are:

  1. Income
  2. Hair (bald is beautiful)
  3. Looks, yes physical attraction is a must be I guess I will survive if he doesn't look like a movie star lol
  4. Want kids (I already have plenty)
  5. Job, as long as he has one I'm fine. I don't need a man to support me but I am not about to fund a family.

What I will not settle for:

  1. Faith, if he doesn't share mine its a deal breaker.
  2. Felon, not happening, like I told the one who asked me out.
  3. Smoke, I don't kiss ashtrays
  4. Drink, I've lived with a drunk, I have no intention of living with another.
  5. Drug, that goes without saying.
  6. Abusive history, any kind, not a question.
sid1083
by Silver Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this
I haven't read the book, but settling is something I've thought about these last couple years. Given my experience I doubt I'll find the kind of guy I'm really dreaming about. And that being said, my fear of being alone for the rest of my life is my motivation to settle on some stuff, red flags non withstanding.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 2:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I am at the point that I'm willing to settle if I ever meet a guy. I don't have a ton of requirements but apparently I'm asking too much *insert eye roll*

1. Must have a job and help with household expenses
2. Can't have 10 kids by 10 different women (not dealing with all that baby momma drama)
3. Must treat my son well

ruby_jewel_04
by Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 2:36 PM

IDk. I don't want to settle. I'm convincesd theres a nice guy out there for me. I just haven't found him yet. I feel like if I settle, eventually the things that bug me will really drive me nuts, and I'll end up divorced a 3rd time. 

kidlover2
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 2:49 PM
7 moms liked this
I would rather live alone than settle, but luckily for me I found one of those good men over the 30 age mark. He was divorced with no kids and I was divorced with 3 kids. I think there is a big difference between settling as a young person and settling as an older woman. When I was 20 I was settling if the man had a receding hairline and had a ugly car. My "must haves" in a man changed a lot as I matured. At 30 I wanted a man who was honest, not charming. Communicates well, not "strong and silent". No drugs and alcohol became a much higher priority. Good with children and enjoys being around children as opposed to " I dunno... I guess I like kids". When you change your priorities, you may be surprised who ends up being a catch. I would never settle for anyone again and luckily for me I married much better the second time. :)) And he even cooks and cleans! Oh and accepting flaws is a must, but I don't accept character flaws. Honesty, integrity, loyalty, compassion...etc. are not to be compromised on.
3tobe13
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 2:56 PM
3 moms liked this

I would rather be alone than settle. I like being alone. Right now the pros of being in a relationship do not outweigh the cons for me. 

Baby5678
by Member on Jul. 21, 2013 at 1:56 AM

At this point in my life it's going to have to be something super awesome or just me and my baby.. refuse to settle..

unspecified42
by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 1:58 AM
1 mom liked this
I didn't settle. I had a really nice guy who wanted to marry me when my son was 5. Great job, very devoted, kind, loving, had a daughter who I adored (100% absent mother, so no drama). I just didn't love him. I wasn't happy. So I broke up with him and less than a year later met my now-husband who I absolutely adore.

I don't think there is a great case for settling, personally.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)