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Dating.. Ever again?

Posted by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 4:01 AM
  • 10 Replies

Hi I've been a single mom for 5 years now. I have two teenage boys 18 and 15 plus I take care of my 92 yr old mom. Sadly I don't date cause I was married for 26 years and not sure how to meet someone and I've gained a lot of weight so I'm really self conscious. Anyone else been here, how do you overcome the insecurity?

by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 4:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CharmCityMommy
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 6:53 AM
1 mom liked this
I have not been there but I can suggest focusing on healing and developing yourself as much as you can in the little bit of time you make for yourself everyday. Take some time to pray and/or meditate where you practice appreciating everything in your life and being thankful for it and open yourself up to new beginnings. Practice deep breathing and stretching too. Drink plenty of water and get a goodnight's sleep. Make sure that you and your family spend some time outside in the fresh air and sunshine everyday. Walks do wonders for my sons and I. If your mom cant tolerate a walk maybe you could just help her sit outside for a while. Explore your interests in your spare time like reading or line dancing or sewing or what have you. Maybe you can join clubs of people with similar interests or start your own at church, the library, rec center, or senior center. Volunteering always makes me feel better and I get to mingle too. The more confident and happy you are by yourself, the more likely you are to attract a new confident happy mate. Confidence and joy are irresistable! You can also try a dating site to get a feel for what personality type you have and what the experts there deem are complementary types for you.
Oh, visualizing what your goals are helps alot too. Picture you and your healthy happy family with your idea of a great mate having a great time together.
lnrmom
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 9:50 AM
2 moms liked this

There are a couple issues that I have with your post. The first one is that you've gained weight and are self-conscious. Let me tell you, I have been 290 and I have been 145. Never EVER did I have problems with finding someone until I was 145 (I had gastric bypass surgery). I am now somewhere in the middle of that and am having a problem staying single. Please do not allow your weight, whichever side of the scale it tips on, to make you believe that you will not find your knight in shining armor.

What I suggest is that you take some time for YOU. Fall back in love with YOU. You're a pretty fascinating person, so get to know you again.

heretolisten
by Bronze Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 9:53 AM

IDK, after 26 years of marriage and nearly grown children, I would imagine you would be at a place in life to grab it by the horns and do "you" now.  Take some single cruises, etc.  The weight will come off as you live life to the fullest. 

SomethingSoReal
by Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 12:37 PM

I totally agree with the other ladies. I am plus size as well and although I have been trying to lose for the sake of my own happiness and well being I must say that I know that size doesnt truly matter. Just like CharmCityMommy said its all about being comfortable and happy with who you are. Lately I have been noticing so much about people. There are many plus size women in this world in loving relationships so yes it is all about how you feel about yourself. I have been reading a ton of books lately on relationships. Figure out what your positive and negative attributes are. Whatever the positive ones are focus more on those and even do things to add to them and as far as the negative just think of ways that you can turn those into a positive and really do some soul searching to figure out what it is that you want in a partner. I must say that I am looking forward to dating again but I am really enjoying this time getting to know who I am and what my wants and needs are also.

SomethingSoReal
by Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 12:38 PM

Awesome. Couldn't have said it better!

steviechick
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 1:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I was married for 26 years when I found out my ex fathered two kids with his tramp.  Talk about feeling low self-esteem about myself.  I soon realized after crying for several months that it was HIM that had the problems and not me.  I've joined a gym and have lost a few pounds.  I wanted to improve my self-image for health reasons and for personal gain.  I got back into the things that mattered most to me - hobbies I gave up because I put my marriage first.  Now I'm busy with friends, my hobbies are back on and I've lost a few pounds and am looking damn good.  I have highlighted my hair and men even give me second looks.  Keep losing that weight and soon enough you will start to get back that self-esteem you lost after your divorce.  It's all a matter of time and moving foward when you gain that second chance in life.  I'm a firm believer in getting back to you and moving forward!

MamaHens3
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this

I REALLY like this answer! As the others of course, yet this stood out to me more. 

For sure find the YOU you knew before, before marriage and before you got made to feel how you were. Love yourself again, fall in love with you and just meet "you" again.

I was with my XDH for 9 years, we split in 2010 with three young children. I met someone afterwards though, I wasn't ready I look back yet non the less do not regret meeting him. I had my fourth child, I love her to pieces as the other three even if was a unexpected blessing. I lost who I was, was finding it and so happens was when I met my fourths dad having had him help me along the way. I knew I was different, myself again when I walked away from him while pregnant. He wasn't treating me how I wanted, he wasnt there mentally with me and I told myself I couldn't do that. I gave myself time to heal, be me for sure now and I found myself. I'm 30 younger years, now with four children younger then 12 yet still I lost who I was in my marraige. I was downsized, moused and I loved who I was! I'm with someone now, serious level and took me a while to admit I wanted to be with someone again like this. I was just his friend, nothing else and was nice to have him meet "me".  I am still who I am, he likes me as I am and I'm not changing for hm as I did for my XDH. 


Quoting steviechick:

I was married for 26 years when I found out my ex fathered two kids with his tramp.  Talk about feeling low self-esteem about myself.  I soon realized after crying for several months that it was HIM that had the problems and not me.  I've joined a gym and have lost a few pounds.  I wanted to improve my self-image for health reasons and for personal gain.  I got back into the things that mattered most to me - hobbies I gave up because I put my marriage first.  Now I'm busy with friends, my hobbies are back on and I've lost a few pounds and am looking damn good.  I have highlighted my hair and men even give me second looks.  Keep losing that weight and soon enough you will start to get back that self-esteem you lost after your divorce.  It's all a matter of time and moving foward when you gain that second chance in life.  I'm a firm believer in getting back to you and moving forward!



Mamavelt
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 5:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Ahhh - I love your message and the wonderfully encouraging way you shared it.

It is so great to be reminded that it is not usually things we are insecure about, like weight, that hold us back- but we ourselves who limit what we can do.


Quoting lnrmom:

There are a couple issues that I have with your post. The first one is that you've gained weight and are self-conscious. Let me tell you, I have been 290 and I have been 145. Never EVER did I have problems with finding someone until I was 145 (I had gastric bypass surgery). I am now somewhere in the middle of that and am having a problem staying single. Please do not allow your weight, whichever side of the scale it tips on, to make you believe that you will not find your knight in shining armor.


What I suggest is that you take some time for YOU. Fall back in love with YOU. You're a pretty fascinating person, so get to know you again.


faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 6:02 PM

 i, too, have 18 and 15 year old sons lol.

i was single for 13 years. if you arent feeling good about yoruself, do something that DOES make you feel good. a craft, hobby, start exercising, anything.

zombieskayer
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 6:51 PM

I've only been not dating for a year, I've pretty much been focusing on myself & my son. I gained over 100lbs after my son and I just don't feel good about it. I dated after he was born but with every guy I dated it all boiled down to my weight so I don't even bother dating anymore.

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