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Public and At Home Discipline!!!

Posted by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 8:38 PM
  • 10 Replies

Guys, I have two boys my oldest is 3 will 4 next month. He is throwing fits and talking back. What is the best way to discipline them at home and in public so that you don't look like a bad parent and for the discipline  to actually work.

surrender

by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 8:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 8:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Walk away from fits and then leave where ever you are as soon as possible afterwards.

At home, make him go to his room and stay until he can come out and apologize. I'm big on making my son vocalize and take responsibility for his actions. A simple "I'm sorry" doesn't fly with me. He has to say "I'm sorry I pitched a fit because I didn't get that toy at the store" or whatever happened. 

CrystalYaris
by Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 8:52 PM
1 mom liked this

I will have to try this myself

Quoting Andrewsmom70:

Walk away from fits and then leave where ever you are as soon as possible afterwards.

At home, make him go to his room and stay until he can come out and apologize. I'm big on making my son vocalize and take responsibility for his actions. A simple "I'm sorry" doesn't fly with me. He has to say "I'm sorry I pitched a fit because I didn't get that toy at the store" or whatever happened. 


amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 9:21 PM

Walk away from him at home or time out, but if you're in public leave the place you are at immediately. Then it's time out at home.

cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 9:42 PM
At that age time out was great. I have put ds on time out in public. I think it's better to punish them for their behavior immediately and not wait until you get home.
Cherryfire73
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 10:02 PM

I would also love some advice in this particular topic.  My son is 3 and will be 4 in August as well and he doesn't listen and has started talking back and having meltdowns which include screaming and yelling and lashing out at who or whatever is near by.  At home I take away his favorite things and use timeout and he doesn't seem to care and continues to repeat the behaviors.  When we are out in public and he misbehaves if possible we leave.  I tell him that the behavior is unacceptable and we go home and he is also punished when we get home.  I don't want him to think he can get away with these behaviors but at the same time leaving is lke a punishment for me.  For example, this has happened at Walmart before when I was grocery shopping and leaving meant not getting anything we needed and having to go back again another time.  If we are out somewhere where time outs are possible I have done that.  Like at the mall with others and I took him outside to siton the bench for three minutes.  Also at the pool if he doesn't listen or misbehaves I make him get out of the pool for a brief period of time.  Recently none of this seems to matter.  He takes his punishment and just repeats the behaviors.  He has ADHD with problems with impulsivity whicha big cause of a lot of these issues and I am trying to work on this but I feel like we are regressing instead of moving forward.

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 10:18 PM


Has he been diagnosed  by a doctor with ADHD? He's rather young to have already been diagnosed. 

Have you looked at what foods he's eating before his misbehavior?

Quoting Cherryfire73:

I would also love some advice in this particular topic.  My son is 3 and will be 4 in August as well and he doesn't listen and has started talking back and having meltdowns which include screaming and yelling and lashing out at who or whatever is near by.  At home I take away his favorite things and use timeout and he doesn't seem to care and continues to repeat the behaviors.  When we are out in public and he misbehaves if possible we leave.  I tell him that the behavior is unacceptable and we go home and he is also punished when we get home.  I don't want him to think he can get away with these behaviors but at the same time leaving is lke a punishment for me.  For example, this has happened at Walmart before when I was grocery shopping and leaving meant not getting anything we needed and having to go back again another time.  If we are out somewhere where time outs are possible I have done that.  Like at the mall with others and I took him outside to siton the bench for three minutes.  Also at the pool if he doesn't listen or misbehaves I make him get out of the pool for a brief period of time.  Recently none of this seems to matter.  He takes his punishment and just repeats the behaviors.  He has ADHD with problems with impulsivity whicha big cause of a lot of these issues and I am trying to work on this but I feel like we are regressing instead of moving forward.



Cherryfire73
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 10:59 PM

     He is currently seeing a psychiatrist once a month and a psychologist once a week.  He started demonstrating characteristic behaviors of ADHD at a young age and our pediatrician recommended that we find a psychiatrist especially because my oldest child was already seeing one for ADHD.  They both have ADHD but their problems lie in different areas whereas one has more inattentive difficulties the other has more over focused and impulsivity issues.  The psychiatric also informed me that he does exhibit a few behaviors characteritic to high functioning autism but not enough for a diagnosis.  Some of those behaviors is originally what made me look for help.  We are working now to get these behavioral issues to a manageable level so that he can do well at school.  He is incrediably smart and when he turned 3 his sister started kindergarten and he was doing her work right along with her.  He can short 3 to 4 word sentences and has started writing a little but when he gets frustrated or angry he becomes unteachable which is going to be a huge problem.  I just want to do evertything in my power to help him do the best he possibly can at school.

lilzmom
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:25 PM

I would also think about focusing on positive reinforcement. Identify the big problem behavior and when you see them doing the right thing praise them. Be specific. "Thank you for accepting that we aren't going to get that toy."

Give them choices. When my daughter won't go to bed I tell her, "Big girl bed or crib?" She's 2 and does not want to sleep in the crib anymore, so after a couple minutes crying in there she goes to sleep in the big girl bed no problem. Or at dinner, "Sit down in your seat or you are all done." or "Sit down by yourself or I will help you (with the buckles in the highchair)" On a similar note, give children alternative behaviors; "Use gentle hands and your words to tell me what's wrong" instead of crying and hitting. Telling kids what to do is usually better than telling them what not to do, because sometimes the alternative just doesn't occur to them.

Teach empathy by talking to your child about how they are making you feel and also identifying their feelings, "You are mad. I know it's hard when we don't get what we want." I worked with a little girl who loved to be silly. She wasn't malicious and didn't tantrum, but she had a lot of trouble following directions. She just wanted to play. The only way I could get through to her was to tell her that she was making me feel sad. She usually started to listen.

One of the most important things to do with children is to think about what happened before the behavior or what caused it, and what was gained from the behavior. If throwing tantrums gets your kid what he wants, he will continue to do it. If there are certain situations that usually spark a behavior, you might be able to prevent them or prepare your child for them. "We are going grocery shopping. You can pick out one special treat and that is all. If we have problems you get nothing." Also, review expectations before going somewhere you believe might be problematic.

Teach self-regulation. I remember when I was little, I would sit in time out thinking about how mean mom was and how I didn't get to do anything. Time outs don't work as well if they are punitive. A different way to do time out is to teach it as a way to "take a break" and get it together. Teach your kid to take deep breaths, count, self-talk, or relax with a book or a stuffed animal, or punch his pillow if he needs to. I know a child who started taking his own breaks. If he was losing it at home he would put himself in his room until he felt calm. 

Just some ideas! Hope they help!

lilzmom
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:29 PM

Oh yeah and don't forget the power of ignoring when it seems like they're just doing it for attention. When my daughter tantrums I ignore her or tell her to use words until she calms down. I tell her I don't understand whining/crying. She is 27 months with an extensive vocab and great communicative abilities because I make her use words to get anything she wants.

Mac4411
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:36 AM

 My daughter is 2 1/2 and when she throws a fit -1. at home, straight to the crib until she calms down. 2. public, I pick her up and start pointing to all the people around us and tell her that its okay to be upset but not okay to push it on everyone else, these people came here to eat, work, enjoy and its not right to ruin that for them. I ask her if she wants to step in the bathroom to calm down or if she's okay to keep going (I have no idea why that works either) and 3. the car, we pull over and she's allowed to scream it out. I have told her it's dangerous for me to drive with her screaming so when she calms down I ask her if we can go again and she tells me yes or no.


She used to have scary 30 min fits, this set-up has helped us a lot. Good luck to you

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