I feel like I have nothing. I have to move out of my apt Sat and move back to my parents with my son because I haven't been able to get a place on my own. I have been living with my now ex bf in our own apt for the last 3 years. We got this apt last year and he rarely paid the rent on time, I had to cover him often.......It's all not even really the point I guess. He hasn't moved his clothes out, but only comes to shower and change and then back to his moms he goes. IDK he doesn't just take his shit there and stay. Part of me wishes he would and I never had to see him again. Part of me is so heart broken, I just wait till he comes home and wishes everything was different.
Besides not paying his rent or really any bills really. He slept with someone else while we were broken up for a few months and lied about it. I found out Sun he has an eHarmony and Ok Cupid Profiles. He got his Ok Cupid account July 5th. We were "Fine" then or so I thought.
He keeps telling me he loves me and misses me and I'm what he wants, but 16 days ago he opened a dating profile? I don't get it. I want him to explain but I don't know if it would even matter. can't take back all this pain. I have loved him since High School and had this fantasy of what our life would be and the cutest little girl we'd have. Now I feel like I have nothing. He's taken everything from me. He's broken me down so much over the last 5 years with lies and cheating. I don't know how to stop loving him. I hate him and love him so much at the same time. I know I'll be better off but now I feel so damaged. I lost all my friends because of all the BS between me and him and I always choose him.
I wish I had never met him or I could just delete him from my life. It really sucks to be moving back home at almost 30 years old. I feel like such a failure. I feel like I have failed my son not being able to find us a place, also putting us in a bad home the last year. It wasn't a very happy place lately. My son was so happy that my ex was gone, he just realized tonight and he did a happy dance.
I feel soo alone and not even worthy of happiness, like I'll never be happy or find the man for me. I'm sooo hurt, and broken.
on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:03 PM