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Frustrated

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:54 AM
  • 14 Replies

So dd2s dad left me when I was in the hospital right after i had her, and since then hes realized he screwed up bad. He has been doing everything in his power to show me hes serious about our relationship. We woulda been together 3 years next month. He comes over before he goes to work and takes our daughter so I can have a breather, he will go with me to doctors appointments or places I have to take alll 3 of my children. Well last night dd2 wouldn't go to sleep, and dd1 is sick so Im not sleeping much, so he came over after work (at 4am) and got her to sleep for me. He tried staying the night and I denyed him that BIG time, but then we kissed and I miss it.  So far when we're around each other we haven't touched or anything, but last night it was amazing kissing him again and it made me realize how much I do miss him, I'm just having a hard time forgetting him ruining what shoulda been a special time in our relationship (the birth of our first child together). SHould I let him make it up to me, or should I just continue without him.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:15 AM

Only you know what is best for you, but remember men think way different than we do. I would suggest sitting down and talking, not making a decision in the heat of the moment. You need to ask him why did he leave you at the hospital and what does he want for the future. Once you have those answers it is up to you to decide if you want to pursue a relationship. But do not make the decision on missing him after kissing, that you will regret.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:19 AM
An ex is an ex for a reason. Maybe things have changed but be cautious
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
proudmomma1107
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:41 AM

We have talked and he says he wants a life with us and that were his family and he doesnt wanna lose us. He constantly tells me hes sorry for the hospital thing and that he was just stressed and didnt know how to cope (we both were bc I got told July 2nd around 445pm that I was to be at the hospital at 730 am on July 3 to be induced and after being in labor for 10 hours and our dd being in distress and me being in distress i had to have an emergency csection). Im not known for always making the best decisions, and part of me says to try and work things out and part of me says no. I'm not the easiest person to be with bc I have bipolar and severe anxiety so I take more work than most, and up until the hospital thing he has ALWAYS been awesome with understanding I have my moments. Idk if this was just a freak thing or not. I love him theres no doubt about that, and I know he loves me.

Quoting krisnkids:

Only you know what is best for you, but remember men think way different than we do. I would suggest sitting down and talking, not making a decision in the heat of the moment. You need to ask him why did he leave you at the hospital and what does he want for the future. Once you have those answers it is up to you to decide if you want to pursue a relationship. But do not make the decision on missing him after kissing, that you will regret.


arkmomma06
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:17 AM
I would take things slow. It may work out for the two of you this time.
steviechick
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:58 AM

IF it's meant to be it will happen.  Take things very slow this go round.  You both have to be ready for a comittment.

v2011
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:03 AM

I had a friend that was bi-polar, but she refused treatment or medication, she was hard to deal with.  But it seems that you lower your value because you are bi-polar and I don't think that's right either. You have a condition, my mother has cerebral palsy, that's a condition, it doesn't mean that either of you are a lesser people.  I tend to think that it's worse for him to have left you when he did, when you needed him most. Child birth is stressful, but it's a common event and lots of men don't freak. And to top it off it you ended up having to go thru a C-section. He didn't have to carry the baby, go thru the pain or even really deal with the aftermath. He talks about how stressful it was on him, but what about you??  And what is going to happen when life gets really really stressful?    You didn't deserve that....



Quoting proudmomma1107:

We have talked and he says he wants a life with us and that were his family and he doesnt wanna lose us. He constantly tells me hes sorry for the hospital thing and that he was just stressed and didnt know how to cope (we both were bc I got told July 2nd around 445pm that I was to be at the hospital at 730 am on July 3 to be induced and after being in labor for 10 hours and our dd being in distress and me being in distress i had to have an emergency csection). Im not known for always making the best decisions, and part of me says to try and work things out and part of me says no. I'm not the easiest person to be with bc I have bipolar and severe anxiety so I take more work than most, and up until the hospital thing he has ALWAYS been awesome with understanding I have my moments. Idk if this was just a freak thing or not. I love him theres no doubt about that, and I know he loves me.

Quoting krisnkids:

Only you know what is best for you, but remember men think way different than we do. I would suggest sitting down and talking, not making a decision in the heat of the moment. You need to ask him why did he leave you at the hospital and what does he want for the future. Once you have those answers it is up to you to decide if you want to pursue a relationship. But do not make the decision on missing him after kissing, that you will regret.




proudmomma1107
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Its not that I lower my value its jus Im starting my meds again after being off during my pregnancy n I know the demons I face n understand its hard for someone to deal w constant mood swings, n depression/manic episodes. Hes been good up til I gave birth w stress so I guess thats why Im wondering if it was a freak incident or if this is how its gonna be

Quoting v2011:

I had a friend that was bi-polar, but she refused treatment or medication, she was hard to deal with.  But it seems that you lower your value because you are bi-polar and I don't think that's right either. You have a condition, my mother has cerebral palsy, that's a condition, it doesn't mean that either of you are a lesser people.  I tend to think that it's worse for him to have left you when he did, when you needed him most. Child birth is stressful, but it's a common event and lots of men don't freak. And to top it off it you ended up having to go thru a C-section. He didn't have to carry the baby, go thru the pain or even really deal with the aftermath. He talks about how stressful it was on him, but what about you??  And what is going to happen when life gets really really stressful?    You didn't deserve that....






Quoting proudmomma1107:


We have talked and he says he wants a life with us and that were his family and he doesnt wanna lose us. He constantly tells me hes sorry for the hospital thing and that he was just stressed and didnt know how to cope (we both were bc I got told July 2nd around 445pm that I was to be at the hospital at 730 am on July 3 to be induced and after being in labor for 10 hours and our dd being in distress and me being in distress i had to have an emergency csection). Im not known for always making the best decisions, and part of me says to try and work things out and part of me says no. I'm not the easiest person to be with bc I have bipolar and severe anxiety so I take more work than most, and up until the hospital thing he has ALWAYS been awesome with understanding I have my moments. Idk if this was just a freak thing or not. I love him theres no doubt about that, and I know he loves me.


Quoting krisnkids:


Only you know what is best for you, but remember men think way different than we do. I would suggest sitting down and talking, not making a decision in the heat of the moment. You need to ask him why did he leave you at the hospital and what does he want for the future. Once you have those answers it is up to you to decide if you want to pursue a relationship. But do not make the decision on missing him after kissing, that you will regret.









v2011
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:22 PM

ok, hope that didn't sound offensive.  What I look at when I am interested in a man is his staying power. I have a nighmare ex, so if I'm going to invest my heart and involve my kids, the man has to have the ability to deal with stress and not walk out when I need him the most.  My point is, he know you were bi-polar, he probably was informed that it would get tough if you went off your meds, and he picked a really awful time to split. A man can say sorry all day, what has he done to prove it won't happen again? That's the big question.  


Quoting proudmomma1107:

Its not that I lower my value its jus Im starting my meds again after being off during my pregnancy n I know the demons I face n understand its hard for someone to deal w constant mood swings, n depression/manic episodes. Hes been good up til I gave birth w stress so I guess thats why Im wondering if it was a freak incident or if this is how its gonna be

Quoting v2011:

I had a friend that was bi-polar, but she refused treatment or medication, she was hard to deal with.  But it seems that you lower your value because you are bi-polar and I don't think that's right either. You have a condition, my mother has cerebral palsy, that's a condition, it doesn't mean that either of you are a lesser people.  I tend to think that it's worse for him to have left you when he did, when you needed him most. Child birth is stressful, but it's a common event and lots of men don't freak. And to top it off it you ended up having to go thru a C-section. He didn't have to carry the baby, go thru the pain or even really deal with the aftermath. He talks about how stressful it was on him, but what about you??  And what is going to happen when life gets really really stressful?    You didn't deserve that....






Quoting proudmomma1107:


We have talked and he says he wants a life with us and that were his family and he doesnt wanna lose us. He constantly tells me hes sorry for the hospital thing and that he was just stressed and didnt know how to cope (we both were bc I got told July 2nd around 445pm that I was to be at the hospital at 730 am on July 3 to be induced and after being in labor for 10 hours and our dd being in distress and me being in distress i had to have an emergency csection). Im not known for always making the best decisions, and part of me says to try and work things out and part of me says no. I'm not the easiest person to be with bc I have bipolar and severe anxiety so I take more work than most, and up until the hospital thing he has ALWAYS been awesome with understanding I have my moments. Idk if this was just a freak thing or not. I love him theres no doubt about that, and I know he loves me.


Quoting krisnkids:


Only you know what is best for you, but remember men think way different than we do. I would suggest sitting down and talking, not making a decision in the heat of the moment. You need to ask him why did he leave you at the hospital and what does he want for the future. Once you have those answers it is up to you to decide if you want to pursue a relationship. But do not make the decision on missing him after kissing, that you will regret.











proudmomma1107
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:14 PM
Hes been there fully since Ive moved back to family, if I need something hes there, he goes w me to dr appts, he took her and my 2 kids for the weekend after dd1s bday party so I could sleep n do laundry, he asked me today to go w him for a date where we can talk n he lined up a babysittter so my family dont have to watch the kids. Its only been 3 weeks so nothing major has happened for him to show hes true.

Quoting v2011:

ok, hope that didn't sound offensive.  What I look at when I am interested in a man is his staying power. I have a nighmare ex, so if I'm going to invest my heart and involve my kids, the man has to have the ability to deal with stress and not walk out when I need him the most.  My point is, he know you were bi-polar, he probably was informed that it would get tough if you went off your meds, and he picked a really awful time to split. A man can say sorry all day, what has he done to prove it won't happen again? That's the big question.  



Quoting proudmomma1107:

Its not that I lower my value its jus Im starting my meds again after being off during my pregnancy n I know the demons I face n understand its hard for someone to deal w constant mood swings, n depression/manic episodes. Hes been good up til I gave birth w stress so I guess thats why Im wondering if it was a freak incident or if this is how its gonna be



Quoting v2011:

I had a friend that was bi-polar, but she refused treatment or medication, she was hard to deal with.  But it seems that you lower your value because you are bi-polar and I don't think that's right either. You have a condition, my mother has cerebral palsy, that's a condition, it doesn't mean that either of you are a lesser people.  I tend to think that it's worse for him to have left you when he did, when you needed him most. Child birth is stressful, but it's a common event and lots of men don't freak. And to top it off it you ended up having to go thru a C-section. He didn't have to carry the baby, go thru the pain or even really deal with the aftermath. He talks about how stressful it was on him, but what about you??  And what is going to happen when life gets really really stressful?    You didn't deserve that....









Quoting proudmomma1107:



We have talked and he says he wants a life with us and that were his family and he doesnt wanna lose us. He constantly tells me hes sorry for the hospital thing and that he was just stressed and didnt know how to cope (we both were bc I got told July 2nd around 445pm that I was to be at the hospital at 730 am on July 3 to be induced and after being in labor for 10 hours and our dd being in distress and me being in distress i had to have an emergency csection). Im not known for always making the best decisions, and part of me says to try and work things out and part of me says no. I'm not the easiest person to be with bc I have bipolar and severe anxiety so I take more work than most, and up until the hospital thing he has ALWAYS been awesome with understanding I have my moments. Idk if this was just a freak thing or not. I love him theres no doubt about that, and I know he loves me.



Quoting krisnkids:



Only you know what is best for you, but remember men think way different than we do. I would suggest sitting down and talking, not making a decision in the heat of the moment. You need to ask him why did he leave you at the hospital and what does he want for the future. Once you have those answers it is up to you to decide if you want to pursue a relationship. But do not make the decision on missing him after kissing, that you will regret.

















v2011
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Here is one thing I learned about men (having been dumb enough to stay with one that let me down over and over for a number of years), there are a few that will make that one mistake and never make it again.  But this is very few. Most, once they know that they can let you down, will do it again.  If you choose to take him back, don't make it easy.  Make him really earn it.  Make him understand he didn't only leave you at the hospital, he left his child too. And take it very very slowly.


Quoting proudmomma1107:

Hes been there fully since Ive moved back to family, if I need something hes there, he goes w me to dr appts, he took her and my 2 kids for the weekend after dd1s bday party so I could sleep n do laundry, he asked me today to go w him for a date where we can talk n he lined up a babysittter so my family dont have to watch the kids. Its only been 3 weeks so nothing major has happened for him to show hes true.

Quoting v2011:

ok, hope that didn't sound offensive.  What I look at when I am interested in a man is his staying power. I have a nighmare ex, so if I'm going to invest my heart and involve my kids, the man has to have the ability to deal with stress and not walk out when I need him the most.  My point is, he know you were bi-polar, he probably was informed that it would get tough if you went off your meds, and he picked a really awful time to split. A man can say sorry all day, what has he done to prove it won't happen again? That's the big question.  



Quoting proudmomma1107:

Its not that I lower my value its jus Im starting my meds again after being off during my pregnancy n I know the demons I face n understand its hard for someone to deal w constant mood swings, n depression/manic episodes. Hes been good up til I gave birth w stress so I guess thats why Im wondering if it was a freak incident or if this is how its gonna be



Quoting v2011:

I had a friend that was bi-polar, but she refused treatment or medication, she was hard to deal with.  But it seems that you lower your value because you are bi-polar and I don't think that's right either. You have a condition, my mother has cerebral palsy, that's a condition, it doesn't mean that either of you are a lesser people.  I tend to think that it's worse for him to have left you when he did, when you needed him most. Child birth is stressful, but it's a common event and lots of men don't freak. And to top it off it you ended up having to go thru a C-section. He didn't have to carry the baby, go thru the pain or even really deal with the aftermath. He talks about how stressful it was on him, but what about you??  And what is going to happen when life gets really really stressful?    You didn't deserve that....









Quoting proudmomma1107:



We have talked and he says he wants a life with us and that were his family and he doesnt wanna lose us. He constantly tells me hes sorry for the hospital thing and that he was just stressed and didnt know how to cope (we both were bc I got told July 2nd around 445pm that I was to be at the hospital at 730 am on July 3 to be induced and after being in labor for 10 hours and our dd being in distress and me being in distress i had to have an emergency csection). Im not known for always making the best decisions, and part of me says to try and work things out and part of me says no. I'm not the easiest person to be with bc I have bipolar and severe anxiety so I take more work than most, and up until the hospital thing he has ALWAYS been awesome with understanding I have my moments. Idk if this was just a freak thing or not. I love him theres no doubt about that, and I know he loves me.



Quoting krisnkids:



Only you know what is best for you, but remember men think way different than we do. I would suggest sitting down and talking, not making a decision in the heat of the moment. You need to ask him why did he leave you at the hospital and what does he want for the future. Once you have those answers it is up to you to decide if you want to pursue a relationship. But do not make the decision on missing him after kissing, that you will regret.



















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